Malicious Mother Syndrome?
I am an unofficial step-parent to a 5 year old girl, and a biological mother to a 9 month old daughter. BM has legal and physical custody of the 5 year old, and we have traditional every other weekend visits, 2 evenings a week and a couple weeks over school breaks.
I really try to give BM the benefit of the doubt more often than not, but I'm really upset right now. Two months ago CPS showed up at our house saying that the 5 year old said at school that daddy touches her. So she had to go through a physical and psychological examination, dad's rights were taken away for a week, then he got supervised visitation for another week. The case was essentially dropped saying that there were some signs that she was coached into saying this, but BM didn't admit to it, obviously, and they couldn't prove it. During that time, he was also not allowed to be alone with our daughter, and couldn't change any diapers or do bath time with her. I was pretty upset about this. Not only is she trying to alienate THEIR daughter, but she was causing stress on our family by forcing me to be the sole care giver. Things more or less got back to normal.
Their 5 year old has been prescribed fluoride, and initially we were given some of this prescription for the nights that she stays at our house. He notified BM that we were running low. No response. He notified her that we were out. No response. He asked for more several times. She finally responded that she doesn't need to take medications while she is at our house, and will only take them at her house. WTF.
Seriously? What kind of a mother withholds medication from their child? I know it's just fluoride, but what if it were something critical? Would she say she doesn't need to take antibiotics if the treatment fell on our weekend. We are so fortunate that she is mostly healthy, and rarely needs any type of medication, but this just seems insane to me. We contacted mediation and they said that BM has the right to decide when their daughter can take medication unless it's for a life threatening illness.
Why punish this little girl? What kind of parent puts their young child through a gynecological exam just to get back at dad? Why put her at higher risk for tooth decay just to get back at dad?
It is just so sad. And even sadder that we just have to watch it happen and can't do anything about it.
She apparently very casually
She apparently very casually said to one of her teachers "Daddy touches me in my no-no places" pointed to her front side and back side when asked where her "no-no places" were.
We've talked to a lawyer, and requested copies of the CPS report, but were basically told since they couldn't prove she was coached, there wasn't much we could do unless it happened again.
Did you ask the girl why she
Did you ask the girl why she said that?
I would have wanted to know every single thing said and done.
Then, when finally finding the truth, I'd gone after that person with the law.
She was asked, not by us,
She was asked, not by us, because we were advised not to talk to her about it.
But at one point she said that her mom told her those things, and at another point she said that I told her to say those things.
I don't really get the impression that she has any idea what it was that she was saying.
A couple weeks before the touching incident, we were having breakfast at the table, and she started talking about how she wanted to stay with her grandma on her mom's side who lives out of state, and I said that she could visit her with her mom, but she couldn't stay there because her daddy and I would miss her too much, and she got really defensive and said "NO! I just have to tell a judge I want to stay with mommy forever!"
I just can't buy that a 4 year old at the time came up with that on her own.
Our lawyer keeps saying we need to wait for her to mess up big time before we try filing for custody modifications, especially with the "inconclusive" CPS report. ugh.
I wouldn't mind being the non-custodial parents for her if she would just be a decent human being and realize that her relationship with her dad (and her new little sister) is important too.
I'd be so angry if I was
I'd be so angry if I was accused of child molesting and I'd want whoever got that crud going heard loud and clear from an attorney.
That is a terrible thing to put the child through and no decent mother would have her child go through that.
I don't know, I believe at 5, that little girl knew she was lying. If mother and grandmother are behind it, they need to be called on it and dealt with severely. Those are horrible accusations.
I use to teach 10 year olds.
I use to teach 10 year olds. Let me tell you, her teacher find out what he's doing, they're turning him in. Unless she's handicapped needing help, he absolutely should not be in the bathroom with her.
Straddling him? At first I thought he's teaching her how to act with the boy down the street in just a couple of years. It's okay because I'm doing it with daddy...so I can do it with the boys.
Uh-Uh...this is just to nasty. You're freaking out and finding it disgusting BECAUSE IT IS!!
I'd seriously take a look at your husband and how he enjoys that little girls straddling him....he's getting joy out of that.
Wow...nasty!
if I saw a man do that, I
if I saw a man do that, I would immediately think he was a pedophile. want me to tell him for you?
can you ask someone he knows to bring it up? or doeshe only do it in "secret"? *ugh*
}:)
she's ten though. maybe ask
she's ten though. maybe ask him to sit her down and explain tampons and such, since that's coming up this year if not yesterday.
might open his eyes.
still...gross. really gross for him to act that way.
I would call this, Psycho,
I would call this, Psycho, Non-Mother Syndrome!! as to me a 'real' parent would never put their child through that and give the example of a. its ok to lie and b. ok to lie about DH.!!!!!!
I even cautioned my DH about SD20, not that she is overly affectionate like that with him. But she is coming for a visit and will have to sleep on the couch just for 3-4 nights split up not in a row, but I will not be here for a day or two - I cautioned him, do not let her sleep with you in our bed, even though it would be more comfortable for her - it is too easy for men to be accused!!! he of course acted like I was crazy, whatever but he said he would never allow that, it is inappropriate.
I would call this, Psycho,
I would call this, Psycho, Non-Mother Syndrome!! as to me a 'real' parent would never put their child through that and give the example of a. its ok to lie and b. ok to lie about DH.!!!!!!
I even cautioned my DH about SD20, not that she is overly affectionate like that with him. But she is coming for a visit and will have to sleep on the couch just for 3-4 nights split up not in a row, but I will not be here for a day or two - I cautioned him, do not let her sleep with you in our bed, even though it would be more comfortable for her - it is too easy for men to be accused!!! he of course acted like I was crazy, whatever but he said he would never allow that, it is inappropriate at her age.
At 5, she still needs
At 5, she still needs assistance with washing her hair, we let her wash her own body, but we have to keep an eye on her to make sure she actually uses soap. Sometimes I help her out, sometimes her dad does. When she gets over the phase where OMG! WATER MIGHT GET ON MY FACE!!!!!! she might be able to wash her own hair. But right now the kid has a panic attack whenever she gets water on her head, and she needs help.
It is completely appropriate, in my opinion, for a dad to help his child with bath time until they have mastered the skill on their own.
I agree you can and should
I agree you can and should help your child bath to a certain point but if her SD hasn't mastered the fine art of bathing herself by 10, then as I frequently tell DH (she) has much bigger problems than that...like they should probably have her testing for a handicap of some kind.