Dear DH,

Things with your daughter are slowly escalating. It's not something that has happened overnight - it's taken a while to reach this point. There are many things you need to know and it may not be what you want to hear but it's what you NEED to hear.

Your incessant need to keep your daughter preserved as a child is wearing thin. As much as we would all like to keep our children young and innocent, it's not at all possible. You're trying to do the impossible and it's gonna slowly eat a hole right through our marriage.

What I need from you is the ability to change your way of thinking. I'm not asking you to disown your child. I'm not asking you to forget she exists. I can tell you think I feel these things. What I am asking from you is to realize what she has become and is still becoming. I know you love your daughter and you should. She's your child and I expect nothing else.

You and your ex wife were so entranced by your failing marriage that this child completely went off on her own. She found out that if she made up drama and manipulated people she got attention. She found that if she did all this, it brought the attention she failed she wasn't getting full tilt. She realized that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't keep Mommy and Daddy together because Mommy was having sex with several men. She also realized that Mommy was a thief and a master manipulator/liar. And that if Mommy said it - then it MUST be true because Mommy never lies. She saw her father then begin to date a concession of women that were never good enough for him because he always found something wrong with them..and that was because he had dealt with so much shit from his ex wife, he just was truly not ready to date. He only felt he had to in order to move on. It felt good to have attention again and your daughter watched as you made your way in the world while thinking she was no the center of the universe.

Your daughter watched you and your ex battle it out continually. She watched your crumbling marriage fall apart all around her and the only thing she knew to do was create all sorts of drama to keep that family feeling alive. You were too busy trying not to be alone to deal with your daughter's dramas..you put them off to your ex wife having issues and was becoming a psycho.

You felt that if you acknowledged them then you were allowing yourself to see you had a HUGE part in her behavior. She began having sex at 15..you blamed your ex when you fail to remember she lived with you and you were the responsible parent at the time. She was having sex under your own roof and you chalked it up to your ex and her cheating ways. You put your daughter on birth control pills and thought the problem was solved. You put a bandaid over the growing problem that was brewing.

All that to only have your daughter demand she move in with her mother because her mother was playing on her mind. Was conniving behind your back. You watched as your child moved in with Mommy and never even gave you the address at which she lived. THAT is fucked up. She and her mother never even allowed you to know where she was living. And she was only 16 years old. You gave her authority that she had NO right having. And you did it because you wanted her to feel you loved her.

That was not love..that was fear. You feared if you chased after your daughter then you'd lose her. So you allowed her to move in with her worthless mother, quit school, and become the spitting image of her waste of life mother.

I come along in your life. I come from an 18 year marriage to a man that cheated on me. I have a very different outlook on life and there is not a lot that I will take from a person. I work hard for my paycheck, do not believe in adultery, and am a very good person. You began to put me on a pedestal to your family and they all grew to know me and love me. When I first met your daughter, I could tell she was not 100 percent with me. I was an instant threat..I was nothing like her mother. NOTHING. We are like night and day and the fact that I am like this makes her mother's faults stand out more than they ever have. I didn't bring drama to the table and I'm genuine..what you see is what you get. I made her look full force at her mother and exactly why your marriage broke up. Her dad was now happy when he should have been happy before, but couldn't because her mother was constantly cheating..never worked..and lied through her teeth. Family members began to talk about how much you've changed and how it was due to me. You were ecstatic for the first time in many years and because of that it brought out to her VERY forcefully that it meant another person was the reason behind his happiness.

I'm sad to say this but I would have to be blind to not feel your daughter has a mental illness of some sort. Whether it's from the shock of the divorce or truly a mental imbalance - she clearly needs help. She's acting like a small child when they want to be heard. Instead of speaking and talking things out, she makes up lies. She manipulates people. She has never learned how to fully say how she feels as an adult. She resorts to childish behavior to be heard because that's all she knows. That's always been responded to by others when she did it and she's used to getting a response.

Your job is to STOP responding to it...or just simply respond differently. You need to get back the set of testicles she took from you a LONG time ago. They have been hung on her rear view mirror for years...time to dust them off and use them. Step up the plate and be a man to your grown adult daughter.

And - quit expecting me to follow in your design..and that is to return down memory lane as to how your daughter was young, innocent, and blameless. Look at her today..NOW. See her for what she has become.

As of last night, she has now stolen money from me. She has started rumors in your family about me that could have caused major discord and hatred from your family members. The only reason the rumors did not get believed? Because your family has dealt with your daughter's bullshit for years..she is LEGION for lies with them. Thank GOD they knew to ask me first on these rumors, for they were so viscous that I could have lost everything with your family.

Her mother is a thief as well. She robbed a gas station while with you..or did you forget? We just found out the hard way last night that your daughter has EVERY last trait of her mother. Every behavior and seems to be proud of it. She is now a thief in my eyes as well as a liar.

Her lies are endless..she's had people convinced she's in college while she's never gotten a high school diploma. She's said she was dying of a brain tumor..cervical cancer..has been in Hollywood movies...has partied it up in California with famous actors yet there's no proof or pics, which we all KNOW we'd be showcasing. She has sat and lied to your face right in front of me and other family members.

Do you not see it or are you CHOOSING to not see it? Either way..it's scary.

You are allowing your grown, married with child, ADULT daughter act in the way she does with no repercussions whatsoever, allowing her to feel it's okay to still be this way. And to her..that makes life worth living. You are a good man..a very good father. And you would do anything for your kids. And that's honorable but it's also your downfall. She plays you like a huge fiddle due to your good heart. I could do a 2step to how well she plays that fiddle. And your willingness to overlook YOUR part in her behavior is rather sickening.

You are DADDY to her..the man that has always been there for her - no matter what. And that's what a good father does. But what else he does is let his children know when they are doing wrong..it's called tough love. Instead of making excuses for her behavior...ACCEPT it. Accept what she's become. She is the product of you and your ex wife. She is the by product of 2 parents that fell apart and instantly flew into 'who is the better parent' trap.

I AM YOUR WIFE. You may have had to live with her actions and behavior for quite some time, but now I'M living with it as well. I don't have that bond with her that you do..I can't sit around and imagine her running in a field of wildflowers and singing 'The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Music' as a child as she gets into my purse and steals money from me. I do NOT have that ability. And I never will. Do NOT ask me to not hold something against her that she has done to darken my name either.

To me...your daughter is an adult. She is in my life because I fell in love with you and married you. I didn't chose to put her there. If not for you, she is not someone I would have in my life. And that's because of her actions. Not because I don't like her..not at all. Because I chose to surround myself with people that enrich my life...and she would not if she were not your daughter. So because she IS your daughter, I have tried to be the adult about it as her sickness grew. I have overlooked so much when it comes to her and I am not willing to keep overlooking like I have in the past so no waves are made.

I watch as your family comes together at things such as her wedding and her child being born, but then know that they would all rather be someplace else. They hide very well how they feel..and that's all for your sake. Your family loves you but is scared to let you know how they really feel towards your daughter. They have been lied to repeatedly and played like a cello on Broadway too - just like you have. If you would sincerely sit down and talk to them...and LISTEN to them..you'd see they love you AND your daughter. You would see how hard it is to have love for someone and yet not be able to fully trust or believe his child..how scary it is for them. They would tell you how worried they are for your own sanity as well as your daughter's. And now for the new baby that she brought in this world. Your family loves you dearly.

Your daughter is just like her mother..and you need to remember you divorced her mother. You got to a point where you couldn't live with her actions. Now your daughter is doing all that your ex used to do. Only you can't divorce her..but you do NOT have to take her lies and constant need to manipulate. Loving someone doesn't mean you take whatever they dish out. You need to tell yourself it's time to move on and quit looking back. Time to look at what she's become and set boundaries where you never have before. I watch you look like you just lost your mind when you find out she's mad at you for something..so what if she's mad? She'll get over it. When she finally sees she can't get you to bow down to her then - and only then will she see she has no ground to stand on.

Will you ever do this? I'm not sure but if I had my guess, you 2 will still do the sick dance you do. Drama gets created...you 2 fight..BM gets blamed for it all..then you both are lovey-duvey a day later. And all the while you ride high on guilt..EXACTLY where your daughter wants you. And exactly where YOU allow her to put you.

So keep in mind that while your daughter is YOUR daughter..she's also an adult. An adult that is lying and now stealing from our home. THAT is NOT acceptable or thought of to be okay due to the fact she's family. In fact, it makes it 10 times worse because she IS family. How do you steal from family?

Don't expect me to speak of your daughter much in the upcoming days until I come to grips with this either. She stole from me..THAT is serious. She took her sense of entitlement, got into my purse, and stole money from me we needed for bills. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

'Family' should be the very reason she didn't steal...so you better wise up quick. I love you but am not willing to keep excusing her behavior. Not in the slightest. Your inability to ignore her actions is making me lose respect fast for you. It eats a piece of me away every time I see you excuse her. Life is too short to live with such dramas...so stand your ground quick while you still have even a half inch. And I'm not for sure you even have that tiny mark. You've allowed her to chip away at you for so long you pretty much are floating on air.

I love you but this bullshit has to stop. Face what you've created and quit hiding. Truth hurts but we all need to hear it every once in a while. Quit worrying about hurting your daughter's feelings..she sure doesn't worry as she's lying about someone and stealing from people's purses. Why give her what she doesn't give anyone else?

Your daughter stole money from my purse last night...I know it and you know it. The money doesn't matter - what matters is the idea she thought it was okay.

She took it upon herself to steal what was mine with no fear of repercussions because she never has them. She bats her eyelashes and calls you Daddy and you float back in time to her childhood and how innocent she was.

An innocent person doesn't act this way...time to fix what ya broke.