I know that there have been a lot of comments on here for SM's to stay out of the discipline but I don't take that approach when I have SD in the house. I hope you and your BF can have a talk about this before she shows up so you can have a united front. That of course is only MY opinion as to what I would do. I have dated men in the past that have had children and have tried to disengage but I felt like a stranger in my own home. I worked my ass off to get where I am today and no KID is going to come in and disrupt my life in the home that I pay for. My SD is pretty good but she has gotten lippy with her dad a few times and I shut that down real quick. I am the bigger bitch and she found that out on day one. I don't know how your parents where but when I was a kid my parents always backed each other up and everytime we pulled some crap there were consequences and we were punished, whether it was no tv for a couple of days, no phone privelages, etc. and boy they stuck to their guns - after being punished like that we learned we had to fly the straight and narrow because we did not want to be punished. I think a lot of parents need to set up boundaries with these kids and stick to them. If the punishment is 2 days then it is 2 days. Not giving in to them by the end of the evening. That is just my opinion of course but I had 3 sisters and a brother and it worked on us - we didn't want to be left out on anything! Take a deep breath and good luck to you with all of this.

I refused to stay out of anything- the word blended - tell him to throw grapes and a bannanna into a blender , start it and keep the bannanna whole- same diff.

There is no reason where logic does not exist

I dont stay out of discipline either - Dh and I agree on parenting styles and he already had house rules in place. He sat the kids down and told them that if I was watching them, they better do what I tell them. Basically he put the fear into them that if they were sassy to me when he wasn't there, they would be in trouble with him.

Also, it helps that i have lots of experience teaching sunday school and tons of nanny experience, so I am comfortable making decisions, but I always fill dh in immediately so he is up to speed on what is going on at home when the kids are with me. few times he has had to speak to the kids over the phone when he happened to call mid-discipline. They really don't like that, so they tend to do very well for me.

I definitely have a keeper!

My house, my rules. You have a prime opportunity here to whip this kid into shape. Take advantage!

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

I am now looking at this a couple of ways. We had SD for about 1.5 years at one time when BM was sick and this second time we have had her for about a month and a half. The second time has been much more difficult than the first; SD has gotten older and the issues with her are more pronounced. At first, I wanted to help DH with her, help him understand how to raise a child with respect and discipline, show him how to talk to her and get her to talk to him. He was open and ready to take on the task but this was only short lived. I also think I had my expectations set too high.

DH told me that he did not know what he was doing, didn't know how to raise a child in this day and time and needed my help. I stepped in and did just that, he tried to support me and step up to the plate he just can't see through his rose colored glasses. DH seems to have lost the concept of what being a parent really means. His favorite quote is "I am just trying to make everyone happy." I have told him many times that he will never be able to do that and as a parent you are going to have to make decisions that don't make people happy sometimes. When he does make decisions that upset SD, he has this unbelievable guilt that I just don't understand. There are basic things that parents do for and with their children that my DH just does not see, he does not understand give and take, only give and give some more. One huge problem is that Sd is the age of DH's grandchildren and he treats her more as a grandchild visiting than a child he is responsible to raise. I can no longer fight him over these things, the struggle has damaged our relationship and I want to repair that damage and move on.

So now, I think I have to let DH make his own decisions with SD, make his own mistakes and learn from them like the rest of us have had to do. I am however the queen of my castle, I do demand respect from anyone that comes into my home for me my DH and our belongings. In that regard I will discipline as I see fit.

You and your DH will have to find your way, what works for both of you. Don't do what I did, I kept all my frustration inside to avoid confrontations with DH. I didn't let him know how I was feeling or if I did I had allowed myself to get so worked up over little things that I would get totally lost in it. Good luck to you, as someone else said earlier, be patient with yourself, we are not perfect.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

Sounds like your BF is open to discussing your concerns about SD and that is wonderful! By not setting rules for SD i can guarantee your home will turn in to a war zone and you would be miserable. I used to do the same about things that were bothering me and then I would explode and look like a cow for doing so. I have now learned to calmly explain my position and it has worked wonderfully - though that was not always the case but after a few "incidents" FH noticed that I was right and even as hard as it was for him to admit it he did and thanked me for it. When you talk to your BF again use the example you just posted here. 6 times in 15 minutes is ridiculous! He should have told her we are talking and when WE are done WE will let you know end of discussion - and if you interrupt us ONE more time you will get xyz for not listening. Even if you did it and she complained to her Dad all he had to do was back you up. I agree with you - I never begged my parents when they said no because we always knew they would not give in. Kids may have a fit but eventually they will get the message and BEHAVE as long as the parents stay consistent. Keep up the great communication btwn you and your BF!

As a couple you have to set ground rules together so they can respect both adults, exspecially when it come to being in your home for days at a time.

You have a role to up-hold as much as he does!

" Life is like a jar or Jalapeno peppers, what you
do today could burn your a*s tomorrow."