its weird because I have alot of different things going on.. me and DH have his ex who is mentally unstable, to put it nicely. I have my ex, who is the model ex to have..he is pretty cool as long as you are not married to him.. he has not been a great father, but we have never fought over support, we set an amount between us, and he would help buy things for them.. sometimes he had to be reminded but always did it, he has always backed up what I said and I have for him.. the kids I have with DH like my older kids dad, they have been to his house, helped him feed his cows, played with his dog, been invited overnight...he is nothing but nice to them..he gets along with my husband now, they have even done some male bonding crap.. that was wierd for me.. as far as a husband he was pretty shitty, as an ex he isnt to bad. My ex MIL gave my DH a hug at my older sons graduation and said "I hav never thanked you for taking care of my grandson the way you have for the past 10 yrs", it was really nice.. even though she didnt really speak to me, she was not mean.
I am also a BM, I can see things from the moms point of view.. and honestly it sounds like the people on here have BM from hell.. but then again you wouldnt be on here if they were not..
It is just outragous for the BM to fight every single thing the dad and step mom do.. they are a part of the kids lives too, they have say.. it does not have to be a fight all of the freaken time!! I think all the fighting leads the kids to be little assholes, playing mother against stepmother.. or father against stepfather. My kids have never had a problem with my husband, but their dad will also stand up and say "your mom and step dad dont let you do it so you cant do it here".. my daughter is gonna have a baby, she wants us there.. not sure if she wants her own father there (he has proven that he will not defend the kids when it comes to his wife trashing talking them all over town)..
then you have DH ex.. she fights every single effing thing!! which is what I believe has lead SS almost 13 yrs old to get in my face and tell me he hates me, to remind me on a daily basis that I am not his mother (he should be greatful I am not, I will climb on a chair and get in my 19 yr old sons face and crack him in the head if he ever spoke to me the way that this little brat has.. he is over 6 ft, I am 5'5" lol).. BM made it this way... I am not about to change how I am a parent or my expections and rules for them.. no way.. I have been a mom for 21 yrs.. and just cuz he wants to be an asshole does not mean I have to bow down and kiss his feet so he will like me.. I dont care if he dont like me, ucz the feeling is mutual! weekends are hard, DH kids live here all the time.. some mornings I just cant get to the xanex fast enough.. the thought of being around him the entire day makes my skin crawl.. but he has earned it... he has lied and lied, he is mean to my bio kids (ages 7 and 8), sometimes to the point where we will leave.. it is constantly my mom this and my mom that.. when his mom is a peice of shit that he can not see thru her lies and her unwillingness to get them and be a parent to them.. he will break things I buy for my kids, hide their things, cut their clothes.. etc..
ok so I feel somewhat better.. I have tried to say this to others and they would say aww poor thing he has been thru sooo much..just love him.. gag.. no thanks.. I am not june cleaver.. and I refuse to be walked on.
the other day i told my DH I was going to leave, because his kid gave me anxiety attacks.. this site has made me feel so much better and like someone said I can say how I feel without being made to feel like I am the one who has caused his problems.. even though I have 4 perfectly adjusted kids, and SD11 is good (she has her moments but is dealing with them).. he is just a little jerk!
I feel like i can stay and use some of the advice... its worth a try, cuz I dont want to leave my husband..