It's been a while since I've posted because things have been relatively quiet on the crazy ex front. However, things are still insane with her, she's just picked a new villain: SS13. We believe BM refuses to take any responsibility for anything gone wrong in her life. As such, she has 4 children, SS13, SS10, her own SS11 and a DS2 with her current husband. SS10 is the apple of her eye, because all this child does is prop her up. She doesn't seem to understand what love is, and acts as though love is how much others are willing to put into her. SS10 is fantastic at this, and she clearly favors him, he is what is referred to as the "all-good" child. That makes the other 3 the "no-good" children. She seriously complains about the 2-year old she had with her new husband, like he's defiant or something, and this has gone on since he was 10 months old!

In any case, SS13 has had enough of her shit, and decided he'd prefer living with us full time, and she's not fighting him on that. She's guilting him, which doesn't work with him. He's very smart, and needs to be spoken to frankly. That works great for him. Our stance has always been we'll go along with what BM ultimately wants, because legally we have 50/50, so if she ever demands him on her technical time, we won't stand in her way. This started around May. He has a cell phone and email to communicate with his parents, and she has not contacted him in almost 3 months, but things have been relatively quiet. He's been seeing a new therapist that she agreed to during this time. Last week, her SS11 also declared he's sick of living with them and prefers his mother. Consequently....she's baaaa-aaacckkkk....giving DH a horribly rough time trying to villainize him, insisting he's turned SS13 against her, and how he refuses to co-parent.

DH is disabled. He suffers psoriatic arthritis and has been incredibly sick, vomiting every night, black tarry stools...and is getting a biopsy next week to check for non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. We have not told BM this, because it would just make things worse. She has not a shred of empathy or sympathy. DH's doctor told him before his biopsy he must avoid all stress, which is pretty well impossible at this point. I've managed to respond to her demeaning txts in a productive way, that kindof diffuses the situation. So rather than arguing with things that just aren't true, I tell her "I understand what you are saying. Is there anything else you need?" and comply with her requests immediately. That seems to calm her down tremendously.

So, last night, SS13 was up late crying because in therapy, (where he and BM are trying to mend their relationship) says BM told him she feels like he's not her son anymore. (Not that she ever treated him that way to begin with) I'm not sure if this came out in the therapy session, or when she took him to lunch afterwards. He was crying because he was pissed about it, not sad. He's also quite aware his dad isn't doing well, and he's terrified if his dad dies, he'll have to go back to her. DH said worst case scenario, it's possible because of our living situation, if he wants to, he could request to stay with me so he can finish school, but he assured him he's staying on top of his health and will most likely be fine. But SS13 said that staying with me would destroy his mother completely, and he wouldn't even attempt to go there.

I told DH maybe it's time for a "I don't give a shit" kind of drug, like xanax. I don't see anyway he can avoid worrying about SS13, or reasoning with BM. SS13 has a ton on his plate, and is exhibiting severe depression, and we're helping him all we can under the circumstances. He's too young to be told to just write her off already....I hate to blanket this all under a pill, but I don't see any other way to deal with this right now.

I'm also wondering if it would be a good idea to contact the therapist and report what happened last night, and ask what he thinks might be the best course of action with regard to BM.