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I'm Frustrated with DH on Father's Day :(

geeps's picture

I'm sad to even post this because my DH has a huge heart and is a very loving man but I was very hurt by his reaction to me and SD4's on Father's Day. Of course BM didn't have the girls make anything for him for Father's Day. Despite the fact that I ensured the girls made Mother's Day cards and picture frames with their school pictures in them for her.

Besides the point...my DH is one of the best fathers in the world. He raised his little girls (4) on his own before I came along. I wanted to do something special for him, not just buy a card and a chainsaw (lol, why do all guys want chainsaws?). I took the girls and set up a recording system on my computer to have them sing the lullaby their DH sings to them every night. I added the background music and spent hours splitting and arranging the composition (it's hard to get two 4 year olds through a whole song without getting distracted). Either way, he had wondered why I had been gone so long yesterday at my cousins (I was working on the song) so when I came home I gave him the song (which he loved) and told him to act surprised when they played it for him tomorrow.

Well, today comes so I get SD4's up, dressed, fed, quiet so daddy can sleep in. We play, do dishes, I cleaned the whole house for him. All morning the girls are carrying around the cards they picked for him, just waiting for him to wake up. So he finally gets up and goes straight to take a shower, not even saying good morning to anyone. The SD4's are wanting to go into the bathroom to give him their cards but I tell them they need to wait till daddy is dressed and comes out into the living room.

When he does come out to the living room, he comes carrying two folded cards, sets them on the table and tells the girls they need to make cards for their Grandpa. The girls are just standing there, Father's Day cards in hand, waiting for their dad to recognize they have a gift for him. He knew they had picked out cards, I had told him the night before. So I say "honey aren't you going to open their cards?" After which he did and thanked them but immediately went to the couch to watch soccer and eat cereal. I'm thinking seriously? What about the song they worked so hard on? He didn't even give me an opportunity to say "hey girls lets give daddy his other present." He also knew about the song. I told him all this the night before. Even more amazing was the girls actually kept it a secret. It was important to them.

I decided I wasn't going to get into an argument on Father's Day so I went to take a nap. I had been up late the night before working on the song and had gotten up early to watch the SD's and let DH sleep in. When he finally interacts with me I act like everything is fine until he brings up my Mother's Day gift he had given me, a massage, that I hadn't used yet (though I definitely plan on it). I said "oh is this why you seem a little grumpy today?" I'm assuming it's because I didn't actually spend "money" on his gift. Which he knows I don't have anyways. He just freaks out and says I always argue with him and pick fights. I just backed off. It wasn't worth ruining Father's Day.

Now he and SD4's just left to go to DH's parents house for Father's Day. I opted out from going because he was upset with me (I don't like to be around the PIL if there is tension between me and DH, you know how they always notice!). Before he left he said I had ruined Father's Day for him.

What do you think? Did I take everything too personal? Was it really awful that I didn't go to his dad's Father's Day dinner? Did I not do enough? On a side note we aren't actually married yet, just engaged. And...I was the one who helped the SD's make Grandpa Day cards for DH's dad!

annoyed's picture

I don't think you are being too sensitive. You did not have to go out of your way to do what you did. He should appreciate all the stuff you did for him and especially letting him sleep in and taking care of HIS kids....My hubby n I got into it on Friday over a few things, biggest thing was $160 he spent n did not tell me n then him wanting to send SK $ 200 which they do not deserve, since they only call for money and I am over here feeling bad about buying shoes I needed and getting my hair done which I had been putting off till we had the money. ( I pay the bills and that is why I was angry with him not telling me ) I dont care he spends money and he knows that. So today I went shopping Smile Why not I work for my money too and I dont have kids to support!!!!!!!! I felt sooooo much better and now drinking a glass of wine!!! Grab yourself a glass of wine or take a bubble bath! We have also been stressed from trying to get prego and it not happening soon enough....So he is such a baby that he has been sleeping in the other room since Friday night and just talks when it is about our dogs (feeding & letting outside). So today I knew SK would not call, so I got up and told him Happy Fathers Day and asked if he was hungry. He said no. (I wanted to make him breakfast). 15 min later he is making HIMSELF breakfast....Whatever.....To top it off I am going out of town tomorrow for a week....He says he is going to be gone when I get back.....BLAH BLAH BLAH I have heard the I am running so many times......And I ask myself is it worth it the BM and SK drama and then all this???? Men need to grow the Hell up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NewBeginning's picture

Honey - hell no you didn't take it too personal! You know what - even if he DID get upset because you didn't use the massage yet...why would he take it out on his own kids?? Doesn't make sense.

I'm so sorry this happened after all your hard work..that is hard stuff..putting all that together and recording it. I am very impressed by the work you did for him...and I think it was the sweetest idea I've heard today for a gift. Smile

amyj's picture

I don't think you did anything "wrong". My feelings would have been hurt too. So what if he got u something for Mothers Day that actually cost him money, u spent your time and energy with HIS kids to make sure he got something for Fathers Day from them. Yeah, I like to get stuff from H for Mothers Day, b-day, etc. But I LOVE to get stuff from kids(bio and skids) that I KNOW they put effort into. I know it sound cliche but I'd rather have them make me something then buy me something. When they make something you know they've put their own thoughts into it and you can see their little faces light up when they give it to you. Even if its the ugliest thing you ever saw, the looks on their little faces...anyway, sorry about the ramble...men are just wired differently then women when it comes to stuff like this. I wouldn't have gone to the ILs either. If their anything like mine, tension to them is like blood to a shark and they swoop in for the kill.
One more thing, when my feelings get hurt, I take naps too! And the world Cup is NOT as important as his kids. If he really wanted to watch it that badly...DVR!