Ugh. That sounds awful. I mean, I do feel for the girl-how awful would it be for your own mom to ditch you? BUT, my steps live w/us 5 days a week and I feel like I'm raising them for their mom, and I know you have it worse. I'm sorry. Lazy, selfish pigs, these BMs are.

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this is going to be on you. I know you must feel so helpless because of course, the girl needs somewhere to go and of course her fathers is the only place. I would talk to your husband and discuss him possibly cutting back his hours at work so that he can be home more often. If your SD is coming to live with you, then you'll hopefully be recieving child support from the bm and maybe that could help with him being home more often. Maybe try to convince the bm that she needs to take he SD a night or so a week after school until bed time. That way you could have a little freedom. Maybe once she gets comfortable in your home and feels adjusted to living there, she'll find her way and find her own space and things will run a little smoother for you all in the end. Now I say all of this without having to be in your shoes. My husband has wanted custody for a long time and I'm honestly glad we don't have it because I don't know if I could handle it.

If he were single, he would change his work hours and step up to the plate. He should do the same thing now.

As for her hair, if she doesn't have a perm, I would have her in a Africian shop twice a month getting it braided.

I have that same fear - that BM is going to decide that SD is too much to handle and DH is already daydreaming about the day SD is going to live with us. Well, as cruel as it may sound, I have already told DH that I would never stand in the way of him wanting to raise his child. However, if SD comes to live with us - HE WILL BE RAISING HIS CHILD AND NOT ME. I WILL BE HIS CONSULTANT AND THAT'S ALL.

I did not go into my marriage blind. I did accept the fact there was a possibility of SD living with us. I was all on board for that because after many conversations with my DH, I thought we had the same position on parenting. Needless to say, after marriage and the SD visits, I quickly realized that his position on parenting matched mine in all aspects EXCEPT WHEN IT CAME TO HIS CHILD! That's why, I now say that I would not partake in raising a child to be anything less than her full potential.

You knew he had a child when you got with him and nothing in custody is ever written in stone, what if the mother had died? How can you say its not your responsibility? You took it on when you got involved with him. That said id hold the bm responsible men don't get away without paying cs and medical neither should she. She either raises her kid or contributes to the ppl that are that's the LAW she can't have everything her way ... good luck

I accepted my SD5 with open arms 6 months after we got married. Her mom abandoned her shortly after she came to live with us. I have raised her as my own for 7 years. She is hell on wheels...majorly screwed up with abandonment issues...she even physically and verbally harms our toddlers. We sent her to BM to protect our kids. BM sent her right back after 3.5 weeks. Now we have no where else to send her. DH is on a mission to whip her in shape, but it isn't really working. We tried to admit her to deal with her issues...they won't take her until she "seriously injures" someone.

So convenient that BM's can dump their kids. Here I am, a Step-mom that was trying to do right by her step-daughter, and now that she is out of control...her BM disconnected her phone, moved and wants nothing to do with her.

I have no options but wait and see if she improves and hope my kids don't get hurt...or divorce. Thank you Fing BM.

So although you think you are doing right by your SD, it may bite you in the butt. Make your husband take full responsibility for HIS daughter...or it may lead to you resenting him and your SD resenting you...as I unfortunately found out.

That sucks. My husband sometimes works 10 hours a day and I'm stuck with the SS and after 3 or 4 days of it in the summer, i get really annoyed, so i can't imagine how you feel. I have threatened several times to just hire a nanny or babysitter during that time, so i don't have to feel so annoyed put-out (after all, it's not my responsibility.) Maybe your husband would be open to the nanny option? After all, it wasn't your decision to have that child, and so he should be the one to deal with the large majority of the work raising her.

It's worth noting that you've only got about 3 more years of intense care--when she's in high school, she'll want to break away anyway.

Hang in there!