I Am So Tired Of This Shit! Seeking advice.
Here it goes. My DH gives BM $800.00 a month in child support and has been covering health insurance for SS and SD. In the divorce agreement it states that she is supposed to cover SD but she hasn't. She agreed six years ago shortly after their divorce, when she couldn't keep up with the insurance that she would allow DH to claim one of the kids on his income tax every other year. Personally I believe that isn't fair because BM and her husband have one child together, as do DH and I. Together DH and BM have two. I believe that it would be fair if every year they claimed two kids and we got to claimed two. For the past two years we did not get to claim SS or SD because she needed the money for SD's braces etc..... This year she does not want to allow us to claim. She quit her job to pursue her career in blogging and is now enrolled in community college.
This is really upsetting me. My DD who is six years old had surgery last month on both eyes. The hospital bills are piling up. Our car died and it would have costed us more to repair it then it was worth so we junked it. We desperately need a car. I also just enrolled in school and did not qualify for financial aid. We are struggling and I cover most of our expenses because DH simply can't. Plus the extra I spend when the children are with us.
I told DH there should not even be a discussion. You should let her know you're claiming or she can pay us back the $4,000.00 she owes for SD's medical and dental coverage over the past three years.
Yesterday when she came to collect the kids he asked her what is going on with the income tax and she said didn't know and he told her to give him an update when she does. Seriously why is he presenting it like he's waiting on her to say yes or no?!
I'm so tired of this whole situation.
It all comes down to the
It all comes down to the amount of time and whether or not there is a court order addressing this. If there is a court order addressing claiming the kids, then go by that. But I'm guessing there isn't since you ask about it. so...
With no court order addressing who gets to claim children, the IRS uses tie-breakers:
Special Rules
If no divorce or separation decree states that the noncustodial parent may claim the exemption or there is no written declaration from the custodial parent, tiebreaker rules are in effect.
-The parent who the child spends the most time with may claim the dependent.
-If the child spends equal time between both parents, then the parent with the highest adjusted gross income may claim the dependent.
-If only one of the taxpayers is the child’s parent, that parent may claim the dependent.
If none of the above are true, then unfortunately he can't really do anything except try and get it changed in a court order.
Why are you ticked off with
Why are you ticked off with BM? You should be slapping your husband IMO - he created this and he's allowing it.
If CO stipulates BM has to cover SD's medical then why did DH step up... cause BM does not have money, he could've gone to court and change the CO and asked for CS to be lowered due to the additional medical cover.
I'm sorry but your husband allows his Ex wife to live on his finances.
Unfortunately DH has provided
Unfortunately DH has provided coverage for the kid BM was supposed to cover and the odds of recovering that money are between slim and none IMHO. It is unlikely that a Judge will rule that BM has to return that money to DH.
As for taxes.... unless otherwise ordered in a CO... the CP will far more often than not get to claim the kids on taxes. From the IRS perspective it is purely based on parenting time. The parent with the greater amount of parenting time gets the write off unless there is a CO ruling otherwise.
One way to deal with this is to file your taxes first. That leaves BM scrambling to rectify the situation if she has a CO indicating that she can claim the kids. If there is no CO stipulating that she gets to claim the kids on taxes then for the IRS it will come down to who had the kids more. If BM had them more than she gets to claim them. If you and DH claim them when you are not qualified to claim them it can cause some issues for the two of you.
First, I feel like the most
First, I feel like the most important thing is to make sure that you and DH are on the same page. I struggle with this as well. It always feels like we talk about something, he agrees with me in principle, and then when confrontation arises with BM, he will back down. I know it is hard on dads when it's the well being of their children at stake, but I NEED my DH to stand up for me, our marriage, and our family (which includes skids). He knows this and is working to do what he can to be absolutely honest with me about what he feels comfortable fighting for and what he would rather let go. My DH and I always strive to make sure we are 100% on the same page BEFORE confrontation arises.
Second, if you are dealing with a high conflict or flaky BM, I would strongly recommend NEVER deviating from the CO. If it states the BM must cover insurance, then I would not offer to do it in exchange for anything unless a new CO is agreed to. I know leaving your SD without insurance doesn't sound like a realistic option, but try to find a way to force BM to step up and follow the CO or ask her to request the revision and pay for any legal/court fees. (I know that can sometimes be harder than it sounds especially if have a DH adverse to conflict). I'm not very familiar with the legalities of claiming dependents without a CO in place, but you may be out of options for this year.
My best advice is to pick you battles (maybe that means throwing in the towel for this year), but take some time to get on the same page with DH. Make sure that he understands what you are not willing to compromise on and where you need him to put his foot down. These are you finances as well as his, and hopefully he can understand and respect that. If you two fight this as a team, I think you can ensure that you are not in this same situation next year.