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Hmmm. How about this when dealing with a toxic X.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 08/30/2021 - 12:00am

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General Discussion

"I do not hate you. You mean nothing to me. You will interface with me as you are told or you will not interface with me at all."

Kids or no kids, an X is an X.  They must comply with how they are told to interface with us.

Thoughts?

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 08/30/2021 - 7:28am

They must comply with how they are told to interface with us..

 

The only thing I'm curious is who is the one dictating the "how to interface".. are we talking the judge.. or how our EX states we need to interface?

I mean.. if a judge orders OFW.. then obviously.. both parties should comply.. there could be extreme situations.. emergencies that might call for an exception.. but otherwise.. that is what was ordered.. that is what should happen.

NOw.. one party can't necessarily force another to comply in how the interface goes... Like the BM that insists on rapid responses to every text and call.. the demand that her ex comply with HER level of communication...   And, it's not entirely possible or advisable to completely cut contact with your ex when you have a minor bio with them.. that isn't a good look in court either if it comes to that.  So, you can set some boundaries with your ex.. and ask for compliance.. but your stick of enforcement isn't very big unless it is court ordered.. and even then.. won't always be enforced.

But, becoming emotionally detached from the EX and only keeping communications about the child... that is fine for one party to do.. and they can hang the phone up when it moves beyond that.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 08/30/2021 - 11:29pm

The CO is the best tool for many at the toxic blended family opposition.  If the Judge orders OFW, great.  The it is game over for the toxic manipulative player o the other side.  Zero contact except via OFW makes it. Easy to manage. Keeping a figuratively rolled up copy of the CO to beat the shit out of the manipulative opposition is a great weapon.

Zero contact is of course not possible with minor spawn in the mix but as near to zero that can can be driven is IMHO the way to go.

If near zero can be attained with minor children the complete zero can easily be held once the SKid ages out from u der the CO.

In our case, we have had zero contact with anyone in the opposition in more than ten years.  SS has had very little contact though he and his sister (SpermIdiot spawn #2) do speak occasionally.

Other methodologies certainly may work, but I have heard if few that are effective with a toxic blended family opposition..

Crspyew's picture

Submitted by Crspyew on Mon, 08/30/2021 - 8:44am

Sure u can try that.  But the only person u can control in this situation is yourself.  So don't engage.  

ImFreeAtLast's picture

Submitted by ImFreeAtLast on Mon, 08/30/2021 - 11:10am

I made sure bm doesn't have my number or email address and I blocked her and her family on social media. After how she treated my husband she and her relatives are dead to me.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 08/30/2021 - 11:37pm

Thanks for the discussion. 
 

For us the rants were intolerable so we controlled the interface.

The phone from them, we answered, as soon as the rant started.... CLICK!  Ring, Hello. Rant. CLICK!  Eventually they would meekly speak, we would get through the call, and hang up.  The we would manage them to the outcome of the call.

When necessary we followed up with a letter from our attorney, or an instruction to them that we wound see then in court.

Why tolerate toxic at all?

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 08/31/2021 - 11:06am

Everything that spewed forth from Toxic Troll is/was a text. When they were still married she would yell at him in person. Because she knows he can just hang up on her. LOL.

Notthedoormat's picture

Submitted by Notthedoormat on Wed, 12/01/2021 - 10:51am

My first husband and I were married almost 10 years....we did have bumps in the road when we first started co-parenting,  but we have a good, civil relationship that includes calling/texting about the kids and when needed, face to face meetings,  always with the child in question present, and usually our spouses. We are nice and polite to each other,  but its about the kids. 

Ex-husband #2 is a different matter. I haven't spoken to him on the phone in years because text messages give me a written account of all communications. He's a jerk who lived with his mother after our divorce until she died.  He stalked me until I met my now husband,  who immediately put a stop to it. His parenting style is to use electronics as a babysitter as much as possible and avoid responsibility as much as possible.  

I know from experience with ex #1 that it's possible to have a reasonably good co-parenting relationship,  but I also see the flip side with ex#2. I try to manage each accordingly,  lol