Hill to die on? suggestions on how to handle this PLEASE
DH recived a call today from SS13 math teacher. SS13 has been refusing to use his Microphone for remote leaning class telling the teacher "it's to Noisy at BM's house". SS also refusing to do his class work. Now I call BS. SS13 is just a little defiant spoiled brat. DH told me he will have a talk with SS to see what is going on tonight. Why do I care??? Because I SEE where this is going.
SS13 the king of lies will tell DH it's to loud at BM's house. Again BS BUT Disney Dad DH will believe SS's lies. So my HUGE fear is either SS or DH will "suggest" SS13 come to DH's house for remote learning at least half the time and BM will allow this as she can't handle the brat anymore during school days. Now I can HARDLY stand this brat every other weekend I will lose my Fing mind if he's over even 2 or 3 days a week more.
So my question is if this happens(likely) is this a hill to die on with DH? What can I say to DH to prevent this from happening? Ground rules if DH forces the issue? Most times if I give good reasons why not to do something DH listens. What are some good reasons to get out of this???
He's not your kid
not your resonsibility. That is reason #1
If DH will be there for those days then thats a different issue.
Do you work from home or stay
Do you work from home or stay at home? Or are you in a traditional work enviroment Mon-Fri/ 8-5?
I ask because if he is there for school but you aren't- as long as DH agrees to clean up any mess he makes- whatever.. it isn't the end of the world. I would just focus on you not being responsible for any messes.
If him being there will directly have an impact on your life, then absolutely tell him that you don't have it in you to deal with SS and remote learning. If DH can't be the one to commit to his educational needs, then he doesn't need to put that burden on you.
I would not be helping SS13 with remote learning BUT
That's not the issue. I'm half working at home and half back to work so if DH agrees to take SS extra time SS will be there when I am. PLUS SS HATES getting up early so BM/DH will want SS13 to come over the night before and spend the night. THIS is what would drive me nuts the most. SS is constantly loud/screaming running through the house. SS needs Constent attention from DH like a two year old. When SS is over I get no Peace and quiet or alone time with DH. Plus SS13 is a rude little bastard. Now these are the reasons not that I would be responsible for SS. I would not care(mostly) if SS came over in the morning and gone by the time I got home from work
So then his coming would
So then his coming would directly affect you. That is when you tell your DH that you can't take him being there and disrupting your work and day to day schedule.
But like you said, if he came over in the morning and was gone around the time you got home from work- it wouldn't be a big deal. IF that is how it will actually be.
Number One: Dad needs to
Number One: Dad needs to communicate to his EX what he is being told about the noise issue. Ask her if it is true.. and if so, what can she do to provide the kid with a quiet work space.
Number Two: Your hill to die on is not whether your husband's child is over more days than currently planned. Your hill to die on is if your husband expects you to supervise his learning and caregive for the extra time.
My question to you is why are you involved?
It appears to me that she's
It appears to me that she's hoping against hope to change this situation - to make DH parent, or figure out SS's motivations - but it all seems futile.
All you can do is be open
All you can do is be open with your DH in a way that conveys your hesitation but not your dislike for the kid. And wait for him to bring it up. Don't just jump to "don't you dare suggest he come over here" your DH might not have gotten that far yet. If I were you I would come up with solutions for the noise issue (even if it is BS) such as a headset with a mic. Does he have an Xbox or PlayStation he games on using a mic-headset duo? Because if he does your DH can suggest to BM she set that up to for his zoom classes. Another alternative is your DH telling BM her house is too loud and if SS can work in a quiet space or if she can eliminate whatever noise on her end like getting other siblings out the houser etc. If it's BS like we already know it is, then if and when your DH suggests SS comes over you need to ask your DH does he really believe SS will participate all of a sudden? Do not come off as attacking the kid bc your DH will just dig his heels in. If it does happen suggest rules (like not grazing on all the food all day, not slobbing out in common rooms, getting it done and back to BMs in a time frame) that are reasonable.