Helpful tips on encouraging DH to do more for his daughter
Since I've decided to take a step back and make DH do more for his daughter, can I get some tips on positive encouraging words I can give to help him WANT to do more? As it stands right now, when SD bugs me to do things with her I pretty much tell her no and leave it at that. Which then forces her to turn to her Dad and ask him. Sometimes I'm called "grumpy" when I tell her no, other times not so much. But, DH makes comments to me about how I'm acting "grumpy" lately when I choose not to interact with SD. Honestly, I don't WANT to play with her. I never had girls and I'm glad I didn't. I don't want to play with one either. I was raised a Tomboy, so all I've ever really known is Legos, Matchbox cars, playing in mud and dirt, building things, etc. I could care less about dressing up...Barbie dolls...baby dolls...etc. And, to be very honest, I don't even want SD in my home...but, that's not fair to DH or SD. That's why I'm trying to find a positive way to shift the responsibilty more on DH than myself. Thanks!
Rather than saying no to
Rather than saying no to activity requests from SD why not engage DH and SD in a family activity? Go for a hike. Look for fossils at a local park with a river or stream (I am pulling stuff from my own Skid activity archives on this). Go feed and chase ducks. etc........ Show SD the things you liked doing at her age by doing those things with her and her dad.
That engages all of you and you benefit by doing things that you like to do with your DH. It also builds some good will and positive feelings toward your SD. It is not her fault that her mom and dad split and it sounds to me that you could bring some positive and life expanding experiences to this little girl’s time in your home.
When you need disengagement time take it but invest some effort in to at least doing stuff jointly with your DH and the Skid.
My guess is it will work out to be a positive result for your effort.
Good luck.
@ybarra357 It's not that he
@ybarra357
It's not that he doesn't necessarily not want to do things with her, it's just that he seems to just go with the flow and allows SD to do whatever she wants. And, SD seems to be more inclined to interact with ME more so than DH most of the time.
@Rags
We actually do try to encourage her to be outside with us. Mostly at our home. We live in the country on some acreage and have PLENTY to explore. However, this is what we get from her a lot: (Tugging on my arm) "Come on, let's go inside...I want to do *such and such*." Or, "I'm bored, let's go inside and watch TV." Or, "It's too hot, I don't want to be out here anymore." Once in a while, she'll ride her bike...but gets bored with it quickly. I tried riding bikes with her, but actually fell off of my bike and got hurt. I choose not to do that anymore. I wish we had other children in the area for her to play with, but it's just not the case. We keep praying that one of these days she'll tone down her extreme hyperactivity and neediness. But, so far, it hasn't happened. DH and I are both in our 40's and get worn out by her very quickly!
Buy her a horse? (it worked
Buy her a horse? (it worked for my parents, they rarely saw me after that!)
I WISH we could afford a
I WISH we could afford a horse! We have 2 dogs, and she will play with them...but, again...her attention span is about as long as a flea's leg.
She's 7, will be 8 in
She's 7, will be 8 in January. Plenty old enough to entertain herself. She just chooses not to and feels a need to constantly be entertained by/with others. I bought her a HUGE doll house for all of her Barbies at a garage sale and put it in her room. You'd THINK she'd spend quite a bit of time in there just playing away...nope! If we're not in there with her, she won't play in there. I'm trying to find ways to encourage more independence on her part as well. Every time we go out to eat, or to a store, she "has to" go to the restroom but refuses to go unless I go in with her. (I TRY to make her go at home, before we leave...but it's always, "I don't need to go.") I keep telling her she's big enough to go by herself, but I will stand at the door on the outside and wait on her. That's not good enough for her, she insists that I go in with her. And, when I do, all she does is wants to sit there and chat at me while she's doing her business. Then, she wants to come out and jack around while she's supposed to be washing her hands. I tell DH that I don't like going in to the restroom with her because that's what she does. It's not play time, it's take care of business and get out time.
She acts that way in the
She acts that way in the restroom because she's found a perfect way of being in complete control and getting your full attention.
She's too old to have you in the stall. Next time when she refuses go in the stall tell her "ok, since you didn't really have to go I'm going back to the table." Don't be mad just matter of fact. All hell will break through at first, but don't give in. Give her about 3 chances to repeat this then leave the restaurant if she's tantruming. If not tantruming, just tell her you know she doesn't really have to go (since you've already gone 3 times) or give her one more chance and TELL her it's just one more time and you really want to enjoy your stack of pancakes.
Every time you go the restaurant after that it should get easier. That's after an initial few times of her going nuts cuz things have changed. Simply stop allowing this. Make it matter of fact. At 7 it's reasonable to go in the restroom with her, but not the stall. And the playing instead of washing hands is just not okay. I understand why she does it, but it's not good for her.
Maybe quit saying no. What I
Maybe quit saying no. What I mean is just to say, "Go ask your dad," and continue to do whatever it is you were doing. Gets the same/similar thing accomplished without the negative connotations that "no" has.
I will try that more. I've
I will try that more. I've done that in the past, but she's VERY demanding/persistent...she will do that whole jump up and down in place, whine and cry and say "Noooooo...I want YOU..." etc., etc., etc. Sometimes I think her Dad needs to give her a good swat on the rear end when she does stuff like that, but he won't. I've only witnessed him swat her one time in the WHOLE time she's been around us, and that's because she would go around and punch at her Dad and SB in the "junk", which, of course, is a HUGE No No!