Functional? My wife and I think so (most of the time).
So I really appreciate the input on this site. I've recieved criticism and support, both of which are greatly appreciated.
Again, to preface, I don't hate my wife's daughter, and she doesn't hate me. She's also fairly young. Since starting supervised visitation with her father, she seems like a much happier child. This has curbed the arguements that my wife and I have. It seems as if I've settled into a functional dysfunctional family, due to the involvement of my wife's daughter's father. She has actual conversations with me occassionally about her father, which I'm happy to oblige, because her mother won't talk to her about it.
The child stopped most interactions with me, which is fine from my end. She doesn't interfere when I'm spending time with my daughter, and for the most part is well behaved (minus regular young child behaviors). She does still try to interrupt while I'm talking to my wife, and still sits at the door when we're in a room together (which is weird), but my relationship with my own daughter is unhindered, so I don't care.
My wife and my daughter go to dinner with me once a week, so we can spend some nuclear time together while the stepdaughter is with her father, or while she's spending time with her grandparents. No complaints. My wife takes her daughter out alone for play, I take my daughter out alone for play. My wife does sometimes mention about full family outings, but our schedules are so insane that it's hard to find time to even spend with my own, and I give the answer that when we take a vacation it will be as a full family, which now suffices.
It's somewhat separate, but my wife and I get to spend all night every night together, and we're still crazy about eachother. The arguements have slowed dramatically since stepdaughter started supervised visitation.
My only question here, I wonder if this will maintain itself over the long term? Life isn't bad right now. Granted, I'm sure there will be more arguments over court costs over the stepdaughter, I feel it will be alright. Child support starts rolling in next month too, and my wife and I have decided that it's shared money. She said "we advance the money to feed clothe and house my daughter, so the CS we get from him is our shared money". Couldn't have been more delighted.
You and I have very different
You and I have very different ideas of functional.
You do you, I guess. But you asked for feedback.
Yeah, it's not a problem at
Yeah, it's not a problem at all, I'm not easily offended. Whatever keeps the kids, my wife, and I all happy simultaneously is all I really care about at home. I agree that the old "cease contact" for her daughter's father was unhealthy. She's actually responded to my input on that, and is less stressed and rage-filled during visitation.
Semantics on the "his" and "her" end to differentiate between the two children. My wife is great with both children.
The half-siblings do spend time together, a great deal, actually. I'm less bothered by it every day. My daughter was my first child, so I was (and still am) extremely protective of her.
Just wondering if anyone has functioning dysfunction like I do, as I call it.
I would think
I would think there is no normality, it is up to each family to find their ways. Some like sports, some like porn, some like both. Some prefer to have a stay at home wife, others a workaholic. Some wants to travel around the world, others prefer stay home.
From my opinion all of them are right and if you find a way to be happy, you should not change anything. I always say we have only one life that is already too short and we have to enjoy it. Even if it is not perfect for the stepkid, in-laws or neibhours or anyone else.
You should first think about yourself, as if you are not ok, who will take responsibility for raising your daughter ? Then you have to think about your daugther, as she is not independent and needs your support. Then about your wife, if she makes you happy. If she does, you have to be thankful and do the same for her.
stepkids have their own parents that have to care for them. And yes, their life is far from being perfect, they suffer a lot from divorce, adult battles, changing home and so on. You have to remember it is not your fault. Their parents decided to hurt them, sometimes out of ego, sometimes thinking it is best for them.
IMO as soon as you feel it is functioning for you, your daughter and your wife, it is fine to go. After all, if your wife finds that you somehow harm her oldest child, she is an adult and is able to argue, protect and even walk away.