I would consider my ex my friend. When his second wife left we talked almost every day for about a month. I did not believe in relaying info thru a kid. So I picked up the phone and called him.

My ex, his wife, me, and DH put up hay one year because our hay came the day he wanted to get ODD but I needed her help. He has gone out to eat with me and DH- he has cleaned stalls during a horse show. When I had a loss in my family or a birth I would call and tell him- he does the same.

We have 22 yrs invested in each others life and family. And I didn't hate him when we divorced -I very much loved him.

nope. he can't stand her.

At first they hated each other, then tried the whole civil friend thing; now they are back to hating each other. I like it that way.......lol

I'm friends with my ex, but i am still careful not to talk to him TOO much. It's really easy to slip back into a relationship with someone you've known so long. (even if it's platonic) But, it's not respectful if you are with someone else. The problem is not that they are friends, or that they talk to each other once in awhile. The problem is that it sounds like it is a bit TOO friendly. TOO often.

And, she is doing it because he's letting her. He doesn't have to be rude to her, but it sounds like him allowing it is starting to hurt you a bit. (or at least bother you enough to need to talk about it) So, for that reason alone he should take a step back.

Like the situation with my ex for example, he is currently not dating anyone and so he started contacting me more than usual. Whenever we talk or get together for lunch, it seems that he is much more friendly for a bit afterwards. Nothing that is a big deal, and we are definately 100% over as far as romance. He'll send me a txt message out of the blue asking how i am, or call if it's been a few weeks. Whenever it seems like he is starting to try and contact me a bit too much then i just don't answer or am busy. It helps remind him really quickly that even though we are friends, we aren't the same as friends who were always just friends. (he is not a higher priority than what is going on with the rest of my life basically)

My bf doesn't even care, even if i talked to my ex every day. But that isn't the point. It's on MY shoulders to always maintain a measure of distance. And, if my bf told me it bothered him? I would push that "measure of distance" even further.

Also, when my ex WAS dating, i made sure not to contact him more than once every few months. Even though we are really good friends and have known each other for years. His last gf said she didn't care who he was friends with, but again that isn't the point. I didn't want to cause any trouble between him and her BECAUSE he is my friend.

So, if you aren't ok with it, and she keeps contacting him, and he keeps allowing it. Then both he and her are showing a distinct lack of respect for you. And, since you can't control what SHE does, then SO needs to be the one to put some distance between himself and his ex. Otherwise he is making her friendship a priority over your feelings.

"I just want him to tell her that she no longer has a place in his life other than the mother of his kids."

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Good luck with that one. My SO's ex stalked him for almost a year. He would tell her he wasn't intersted but not in the way that she apparently needed to hear it. She has multiple personality disorders so what a normal person would see as a, Hey I'm not interested in you," she took as a we have a relationship now. How do I know this? I have actually heard her say it. This lady tried everything under the sun from semi stalking my 6 year old to harrassing his mother, showing up at he house when SO and I were at work, and sitting out side the house at 3am just to name a few. I told SO over and over again that he needed to be more direct with her for our relationship. He was allowing this lady to disrespect me over and over again because he wanted to have a cordial relationship. The straw that broke the camels back is her most recent attack on our relationship. She called CPS and filed false allegations of child abuse and then blamed it on me because she can't trust him anymore because of the other influence in his life (me). What's funny is that we have her addmitting to a councelor that the allegations were just a lie from her daughter and then she praised me up down about how great I am. Isn't that funny how that works. She hasn't even apologized to SO for doing that to him and has yet to accept responsibility for what she did. At first it my fault then her 6 year daughters.

Because of SO's repeated blantent disregard for my feelings and our relationship we are now in couples counceling. I would suggest that you explain to your BF how this makes you feel and that you deserve to be number 1 in his life. Not just something that came along. Regardless of how he may think that you are over reacting it's a simple request and he should have respect for you and your feelings.

It wouldn't be ok if this was some other woman. He would know right away that he was out of line if he was this good of friends with a woman who wasn't his ex, so why does he think it's ok just because she's his ex and they have a kid together?

This sounds like a typical guys reaction to an ex they don't really want to give up. He is getting emotional fulfillment out of this friendship so he continues it, even though it's hurting his relationship with you. He probably doesn't get why it's a big deal and thinks you're just being jealous.

"I would suggest that you explain to your BF how this makes you feel and that you deserve to be number 1 in his life. Not just something that came along. Regardless of how he may think that you are over reacting it's a simple request and he should have respect for you and your feelings." Exactly right Unhappy.

It's wrong not because they are doing anything more than being friends, but because it is damaging your relationship and he is putting her as a priority over you.

I hope he "gets it" soon, for your sake and for your relationship.