Fair or just life according to BM?
I posted about this before, and situations are developing; basics are this BM and DH divorced 5 years ago; custody has been 50/50 although we have had the kids more like 70/30. BM's schedule has changed at least 5 times in 5 years. DH's schedule has remained the same. With each of BM's schedule changes, it was expected by all parties involved (judge, lawyers, and BM) that DH would just follow whatever changes BM wanted. At least, that's how it seems.
As things have developed, we are looking again at another schedule change. There's no way to keep it 50/50 due to BM's changes in her schedule (I should be glad she has a job, I just hate having to make changes for her whims). Technically, the schedule could stay the same, as far as overnights, but BM doesn't want to do it, as she won't have 'time with the kids' according to her. The kids were approached by BM about wanting that time and they don't want a change. DH found this out when they said something about it. He told them it wasn't there business, as they were too young to decide anything.
She wants time back with the kids that she originally demanded DH take. This has become DH's quality time with the kids as there isn't a great deal of time to 'spend' time with the kids during the normal school time since there's a whole bunch of work to do related to school. With the demanded change, DH will be the "task master" and BM will have all the free time--is that fair to the kids to never have down time with their dad? DH doesn't want to be the one who pushes them to do well in school but then doesn't get to reward the hard work.
The kicker for me is that she expects DH (which is really me as DH will be working) to cover 'her' time until she can gets the kids on two of her days. So basically, she see it as free babysitting. I'm frustrated, as I was told early by BM that I'm 'just the babysitter'. Honestly, I don't mind. It's the principal of the matter that everyone's schedule is being turned upside down because BM's schedule is different. Is that fair to the kids? Is it fair to DH? I don't see it as fair to me, but I'm biased.
I agree with all of the
I agree with all of the above... Say no. It is not up to you or DH for that matter, to make arrangements to make bm's life schedule work. I would say yes to the schedule and not to the babysitting. Perhaps a little responsibility would do her some good? Might actually make her think about changing the schedule on a whim as well. Daycare has certain times and will not be as forgiving as ya'll. this may just be her reality check and all you have to do is watch... I say make some popcorn and enjoy!!!
If the schedule could remain
If the schedule could remain the same as you say, then it's up to your dh to just stay no.particularly since the kids don't want the change either. It would appear given that when the kids spoke up and said something about this to him, his response was, it's none of their business and they don't get to decide, instead of, okay, there's no real reason for changing the schedule, so I won't, that your dh might just find it easier to go along with whatever BM wants to keep the peace, therefore making his life easier, rather than stand up for himself and his kids.