Do you ever feel like you win some of the battles but are always loosing the war?
FDH frustrates so much sometimes. If you've been keeping up with my recent entries, FDH and myself have been having issues with BM. He is trying to establish boundaries with her and she is not liking it.
One of the most recent things FDH has tried to do is establish a better method for drop offs at the begining of her week. He doesn't want to drop the kids off at 6:30 am at her house the begining of her weeks. He wants to follow suit with her and drop the kids off at school. This minimizes his contact with her. (There are numerous reasons for him wanting to do this. The most recent was her answering the door in nothing but a bath towel.)
So she fires back with an, "we're just going to follow the divorce decree." Meaning that drop offs will be at 6 pm Sunday nighs. Now FDH was planning on taking the kids this weekend out of state to see their sick great grandfather who has been in and out of the hospital and she knew it, so by playing that card we couldn't leave. She is also trying to force FDH to have contact with her regardless of what he wants. Now both FDH and I have agreed that I would be doing the drop offs and pickups at a mutually agreed upon location. (Had my first one last night. So much fun.)
When I returned home she had already sent an email complaining about random stuff but also wanted to have the drop offs and pick ups moved to 6:15 due to her new ex felon husbands inability to drive and drop his BD off with her mother at their court ordered time of 6 pm on Sundays.
So FDH reads his response to me before he sent it where he agreed to it. WTH FDH! I explained to him that she screwed him earlier last week when she knew he wanted to go out of town for the weekend and now she wants him to be flexable with her??? He did respond with he thinks that they should follow the custody order per her request and they went back and forth. Eventually she said something along the lines of her new hubby's ex refuses to be flexable and FDH has been flexable with her in the past. Really lady? You just screwed him over about pick ups and drop offs and now you want a favor and want to change the time of the exchanges? I'm not sure how things turned out in the end because I went to bed. He is trying to get her to agree with what he origianlly requested where he has very limited contact with her.
What I find funny about this is that she is such an idiot. She focuses so much on trying to screw FDH over when she doesn't get her way that she is blinded to the fact that she is screwing herself over as well and then she turns around right after she does it and expects FDH to just forget about the fact that she just screwed him over.
What frustrantes me is FDH actually planning on agreeing to her request after she just screwed him over. I just don't get it. He was pissed about it and then when she asks for a favor and he just forgets all about all the crap she pulls. Is it just a man thing? I can't believe that I actually had to remind him about what she had just done and then explaine to him that he can use this as a bargaining chip to get what he wants. She can't be in two places at once and she is legally obligated to drop off and pick the kids up at 6 pm every Sunday.
"What I find funny about this
"What I find funny about this is that she is such an idiot. She focuses so much on trying to screw FDH over when she doesn't get her way that she is blinded to the fact that she is screwing herself over as well and then she turns around right after she does it and expects FDH to just forget about the fact that she just screwed him over."
Oh my! This is crazo! She withheld the kids because my SO wouldn't take them when she wanted him to. So she has them MORE!
In the end he took her back to court and now they follow the CO only. He would work with her 90 percent of the time. Now it is zero. If she ask he says no. Only when the CO says. You started this mess now you live with it. She still doesn't get that it is her fault. She did it to herself.
She never will. These women are so interested in controling and hurting their ex's they don't see that they are really hurting their own children and themselves.
What we fail to see is
What we fail to see is exactly what Rhyleighblue said. They know these guys. We are in denial about that. The tricks and moves that worked during the old relationship are still alive and well.
If you call him on the dynamic of his relationship with her, be tactful. You don't want to drive him away.
They should have what is more of a business relationship. He should ask for NO FAVORS and he should grant NO FAVORS. Only then can the business relationship work well. If you present to him that theory and mention how stress-free that type of relationship could be, he might agree. If he's just laid back and non-confrontational, good-luck. Man, those guys are great, most of the time.
Duct Tape, What do you mean
Duct Tape,
What do you mean about calling him on the dynamic of his realtionship with her?
And one other thing, it's not
And one other thing, it's not your war...it's his. We women take on the battles of our DH far too quickly. Men are much more likely to sit back and let you work things out yourself. WE could seriously learn from that tactic.
It's just so frustrating. I
It's just so frustrating. I agree with you Rhyleighblue. She does know how to manipulate him and I am the unknown element. I just don't get it. She has done some pretty effed up stuff to him. She called CPS and filed false child abuse allegations, stalked him, tried to break us up, tried to PAS FSD. I just don't get how or why he would even be willing to work with her. We have gone round after round about this where is has stated that due to the way she has been he will not be playing flexability game with anymore and then turns around and does it. Just yesterday afternoon he was talking about going on a fishing trip with his father and brother for a couple of days and he made a comment about how hopefully he'll have something worked out between him and his ex regarding those days. Really? Sometimes I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. FDH says one thing. We agree on it. And then he turns around and does whatever the hell benifits him the moment without even discussing it with me.
My husband tried to tell me
My husband tried to tell me that his ex was a bitch and difficult. I started to dislike her before I knew her. I like her alot actually. I decided to have a great relationship with her and she has not challenged me or my husband at all, ever. I know that's a hard thing to do, but it can be done. Sometimes I think these guys enjoy seeing the two chicks battle this shit out over them. Don't give them the pleasure. It's their fight to fight.