I have always valued the relationships I have with people

Not only were my parents (even my Mom who drives me insane) siblings and friends important. But step-parent, step-siblings, in-laws, teachers, bosses who were/are mentors, co-workers, SO of course

I viewed my SF as a 'bonus parent' as were his kids my bonus siblings, his sisters my bonus aunts, and so on

To this day I view anyone married into my family as family. Sure they are not blood and no I don't love them quite as much as blood, but I do love and value them, and always try to show it

I just could never understand someone like my DH's eldest daughter. I've always thought DH's daughters had it made. Two good, loving and dedicated parents. Two awesome step-parents, both self-sacrificing and truly with the best intentions. Wonderful doting grandparents. And then good step-grandparents, step-uncles and step-aunts. So good they treated them no differently than their own. What one niece got they all got including DH's daughters, my sibling's step-nieces. In fact, my family refused to call them step anything - both girls were told in words and shown in actions that they were family. Period. No step anything here.

DH's eldest daughter walked all over everyone and appreciated nothing. Me and my family were scum. Told lies and said people were mean to her. BM's SO had it even worse, I feel so sorry for that man. He's had it even worse than me. Even FIL's good good friends, who are family as much as anyone else - been to every family get together from the time DH was 11 and his sister 7. They were there long before either of DH's daughters were born, and there for every birthday they had, every Christmas, wedding, funeral, you name it they were there and always loving, truly classy people.

They now refuse to come to any of FIL's family events, if DH's daughter will be there. She gave them the same sort of rude disrespectful behavior she was allowed to give to myself, and BM's SO, but they took a huge stand, very offended and told FIL exactly what they thought of his granddaughter, and that she was reason they wouldn't be coming to any more family events. After 40+ years of attending every single one!!

YSD has always thought more like me, and I've always hoped I had some influence over it. She forgives her parents for the divorce, readily accepts her step-parents (hopefully sincerely but not always sure) is close to her step-cousins (my nephews and nieces) adores certain members of my family.

At her upcoming wedding she has ordered three corsages for the "three mom's in her life" as she says - BM, SM (me and her future MIL

She asked the three "mom's" to go shopping with her next month for wedding dress accessories and all three of us; BM, myself and her soon to be MIL readily accepted

She has told me many times she loves me, values me, and thinks I'm one of the best things that happened in her life.

She is also a happy, socialable, likable person whom many people are naturally drawn to.

Compare this to the attitude that her sister, DH's eldest daughter, has. She is angry, bitter, and her only happiness comes from revenge and hurting all her 'enemies' She has a list of people who want nothing to do with her. She has no friends that I know of, all her 'friends' are the wives of her husband (SSIL's) buddies.

If only DH's eldest daughter could see if she got off the "I'm a victim" bandwagon "and therefore the world OWES me" "so I'm entitled to be a horrific bitch to whomever I please, including people who are good to me" mentality, that the person who might benefit most from that little piece of hard work at being a better person - would be her

I feel sorry for her that she doesn't get that

I'm sad she is lost in her world of negativity and goes to bed each night and wakes up each morning just plotting on ways to hurt people she has perceived as wronging her, even the ones she knows did nothing but she is simply resentful of

She is missing out on so much in life!