DH meeting with BM, GAL again tomorrow
Almost immediately after DH and I were married last year, BM filed a court petition to alter his visitation schedule (which has been in place since they divorced more than 10 years ago).
Her initial family court petition claims that the skids (SD17, SD15, and SS12) are getting older and living with their father half-time (he has joint custody and we live about 4 miles from BM) is infringing on their ability to attend after-school activities. Since the kids attend all the activities they want when they are with us, and he and I both drive them there and back, we kind of laughed it off as a nuisance suit and assumed nothing would come of it.
When they went to the initial court hearing in December, my DH did not consent to the requested schedule change (BM essentially wanted the kids to make their own schedule, day by day, as they see fit). The judge appointed a law guardian to meet with the kids and both parents (separately, of course) to help them reach an agreement.
DH met with BM and the law guardian in January, when DH found out that BM and the kids told the law guardian what a horrible dad he is and that he is mean, has a terrible temper, the kids are afraid of him, etc. They could not provide any concrete examples of these allegations, because they are just not true. BM’s lawyer offered him an EOW-and-two-suppers-a-week schedule, which he refused.
In the year DH and I have lived together, I have never seen him discipline any of his children, no matter how poorly they behave. He is careful to give them everything they want, lest they become upset and refuse to visit him. I have never even heard him raise his voice to them.
They are masterful manipulators. The girls (15 and 17) have made it clear to their father that they do not approve of him remarrying. They don’t profess any problem with me personally, and they both actually told the law guardian that I am nice (my SS12 is very fond of me and has accepted me from the beginning). I buy them foods they like to eat, and am always warm and friendly when they come to visit.
I find it odd that the law guardian has never asked to meet with me, since I am the only other adult living in this household and I know what really goes on there.
My DH is meeting with BM, the GAL, and both their lawyers again tomorrow afternoon, and I am worried about what will happen. As much as I might love the EOW schedule instead of the current half-time, my husband really loves his kids and is a good dad-he does not deserve to be punished for getting remarried and moving on with his life 10 years after being divorced.
Is it normal for a BM and kids to go nuts like this when a man remarries after 10 years?
I don't think it is normal,
I don't think it is normal, but it definitely happens more often than it should.
For some reason, a lot of BMs tend to take the stance that when they have his kid(s), he is HERS forever...even if she doesn't want him. Kind of like taking a neglected toy away from a toddler to give it to another kid who wants to play with it....
And kids tend to listen to what their mom has to say and BELIEVE it.
Thanks for your insight. My
Thanks for your insight.
My husband also used to do repairs around BM's home, help her rearrange her furniture, and stop by to walk her dogs when she was working late. He hasn't done those things, of course, since he married me, and I'm sure she doesn't like hiring someone to do stuff she used to get for free.
I think it underscores the importance of establishing clear boundaries after a divorce.
"Of course BM doesn't like it
"Of course BM doesn't like it that she had a trusted handyman in DH and now he doesn't help her anymore. How would you feel if it was you?"
Well, I can understand that she doesn't like it, but when you divorce a guy (she left him), you really have no right to expect that he will do anything more for you personally.
"Of course BM doesn't like it
"Of course BM doesn't like it that she had a trusted handyman in DH and now he doesn't help her anymore. How would you feel if it was you?"
Are you seriously implying that OP DH should maintain the feelings of his Ex at the expense of the feelings of his new wife :jawdrop:
To put it simply, the BM in
To put it simply, the BM in your case is a Bitch. Non-resentful spouses do not get even with their ex, no matter who is to blame for their disolved marriage or relationship. Forgive but do not forget.
Yes, they did have a good relationship seemingly(how good if she's taking him to court?) and it was nice that he would be her handyman. At the same time he is expected to move on, as is she. I can understand him helping out with things once in a while( i get that it would be uncomfortable) she has to realize, that when they divorced, he is not her "go to guy" for things. I think if the roles were reversed, she would hate that her bf or dh, was helping out his ex with things.
This seems more like a jelousy vs power struggle battle. A lot of BMs dont like that their ex moved even 10 years later LOL she no longer has power over him. Reason I am saying this, my SO has been divorced from his ex for over 13 years, when me and my daughter came into the picture(my daughter is not SOs) and we moved in together( a year a go), BM wanted more money, she accused me underhandedly of being a gold digger, when I have more assets than SO does haha and hes 20 years older than me, were not loaded. Made ridiculous christmas gift list for his kids, like UGG Boots, etc... When she doesnt get her CS support that morning, you betchya, she calls the day of, asking where it is. It pisses me off to no end because Im a BM, I get it. But ive never been vengeful,ive wanted too, but stopped myself.
Let your DH sort it out and only get involved if you have too. If he comments on things in regards to his ex, whats preserved my sanity, is making comments like "thats nice" and immediately change the subject. Life is a bitch at times, but that doesnt mean we have to be lol. Best of Luck!
I have some friends who were
I have some friends who were really "done dirty" by their exes - and yet they managed to not be major bitches for years and years after the divorce. This "trying to get even" especially thru the kids is horrible. Even worse when there really was nothing to get even about.
BM in our case had a hissy fit when DH got with me. They'd been divorced for decades - SSs were grown. She was remarried. She's just a bitch.
The real issue was that BM (decades later) wanted DH to suffer after his divorce from second wife. (2nd wife did not enter dh's life until long after his divorce from BM). She's just mean.