DH is being so annoyingly mopey this morning

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He won't say why, but i think it's because he wants so badly for everyone to be happy about sd coming over... but they won't. Nobody will ever want sd here, at least not until she apologizes AND has a complete personality change... not after last summer's fiasco...

He was still in the bedroom (that shares a wall with our livingroom) before getting out of bed. He text me asking if the girls (dd17, dd18, SD16) were fighting. I told him no, they are all on their phones, nobody has even said a word to each other. Then by the time he goes to the bathroom, gets dressed, brushes his teeth, and comes out, SD is back in her room. He asked why she's in her room, i explain that dd17 left for work, SD said bye, then shortly there after went to her room, nobody was being mean, minister said anything to her...

But what he fails to realize is this is they way things are going to be. Everyone is so afraid to say something to hurt sd's feelings that they just aren't going to say anything at all. This is the product of terrible parenting. THIS is what it is like when you don't hold sd accountable for her actions. THIS is what it looks like when she's allowed to blame her horrid behavior on others. THIS is what is like when you show her to lie about everyone. THIS is your doing, DH.

NOBODY wants her here, we're all waiting for her to explode again, we're all waiting for her outburst against us. Nobody is comfortable in the home with her here.

Hard to Fathom

Why these DHs of ours can't see "bad behvavior" in their kids and recognize the just consequences their kids get for bad behaviors. SMH

We had a short period where my kids had to interact with DHs kids. It was highly superficial from my kids as they had started "seeing" the crap treatment I got by DHs kids. After a while, my kid still at home would not even speak to them, other than to mutter a hello and get out of their presence as fast as possible. Then my kids had to witness to humiliating event at DHs retirement party and that was it. They want nothing to do with DHs kids. They are on the 4 year mark also of not seeing DHs kids. I really don't know what will happen should we have a miracle and DHs kids change. My kids are of the mindset...once they write you off, you are gone.

And really, just like your kids, would they want to be around DHs kids? To have to watch every word said, to stand by and tolerate crap treatment of SKs, to walk on egg shells? Nah....we are fine being separate. Kudos to your kids for having such strong boundaries and staying safe. Best to you.

I really appreciate it. I'm

I really appreciate it. I'm just glad my kids work and have boyfriends and friends to keep them busy for majority of the time that sd is here.

Ugh

This gives me no hope, lol. My SD is 12 and we all have to watch what we say so we don't hurt her feelings. I dread the days we have her because we never know if we are going to get the sweet SD whose laughing and messing around, or if we are going to get the Clingy, crabby, lazy, eyerolling, give you constant attitude, treat DD12 like crap attitude... that's the one I have been dealing with the most. Everyone caters to her feelings, why? No clue. She just acts like a 5 year old, pouts when she doesn't get her way, and is super snotty to me when DBF isn't present. I was hoping she would grow out of this, but by the sounds of a lot of posters on here, it just continues....

Tell your 12yo not to put up with her shit.

What SD-12 gets mean, DD should point out her shit and take advantage of SD's hurt fee fees.

Funny

Funny that you said that, lol Because when me and DD13 were driving home yesterday, I was like, "Don't take crap from her, and if she is being rude, call her out on it and make sure it's in front of DBF or me so then I can say something." SD tries to get away with that crap by acting all sweet and innocent around DBF, I cannot wait for the day he catches being who she is in front of me and DD13.

make plans and when she's

make plans and when she's there say "sorry but we have to run., have a nice visit w/ your dad"

yep, this is not going to get

yep, this is not going to get better, SD was EXACTLY like that when she was that age.. it ONLY gets worse, NEVER better. It's because when she goes home BM is ONLY on her side, and feeds into all of it.

DH has literally walked in on SD being aweful, and he called it out, and STILL the next time SD goes to "tell on" me or DDs DH caters to it, and we all have a "be careful of SD's feelings, she feels like she's on the outside, that everyone is against her.... I feel like "REALLY? I wonder whyyyyyy, maybe because she is against all of us?"

My goodness.

Definitely not something to look forward too. I just don't really know how to better handle her being the snot that she is. It gets worse and worse everytime she comes to visit. I try to see if from her side, that maybe she is just feeling insecure because her dad is with someone he plans on marrying and now we own a house together, or if its the fact that she knows we are going to have more children. She already has a sister on her moms side, and she seems to be just fine with that, just not sure what this is all about because I have been nothing but nice to her.

oh trust me, I was nothing

oh trust me, I was nothing but sugar and spice and EVERYTHING nice, but SD, I honestly, believe has NPD (narcissitic personality disorder) she sees everyone in her life as a means to get what she wants. And when they re no longer needed, she drops them. She sees my DD17 as "powerful/popular" and so she is buddy buddy with her, so for the most part she is really nice to her, but DD18 is more of a go with the flow, easy going, and doesn't have a lot of friends, and is "different" so SD is mean and always tries to get her in trouble, she will literally make up a lie to get her in trouble... She sees me as someone who will stand in the way of getting what she wants, so every now and then, she tries to butter me up, but more often than not, tries to get me into trouble...

I used to do crafts, like tie dye, painting, gardening, I even would try to do her hair nice, and took her shoping, and would read stories at bedtime with her. When we bought a house together, I bought each of the girls a doll that looked like them, my DD18 (8 at the time), got a doll with long dark hair and glasses, my DD17 (7 at the time got a doll with wavy dark hair), SD16 (6 at the time) got a doll with long blonde hair and blue eyes, she tossed it off her bed and said, "nope, it doesn't look anything like me, I have green eyes!" the next weekend, she told DD (8 at the time) that DH wasn't her dad, and that she's not really her sister, the weekend after that she told DDs that her step sister at her mom's house was really her sister (she sees her just as much as she saw them), she's ALWAYS been mean, she just got sneaker, and more manipulative about it.

If any of this sounds like your SD and DH has a way of getting her into a psychiatrist and getting her there WEEKLY, that is going to be your best bet! My DH doesn't have the right to make ANY medical decisions for SD, and her mother REFUSES to get her checked out

Wow

Your SD sounds like a peach....not. I am sorry that you have to deal with that and have been for years. She hasn't gone as far as saying my DD13 wasn't her sister, but her mom openly told her that SD should never call my DD13 her sister.... I noticed the first day she is at our house she is pretty clingy with her dad, and on the last day she is at our house, she is down right rude and in the middle of all of those days we have her, she stays in the middle. I will get maybe one hour where she acts like a normal person should act. But other than that, she needs to be the center of attention, and if she feels like she's not getting it, she will sit there in silence and not respond to anything I ask or say, same if my DD13 is talking to her. She tells my DD13 that she is the mother to our dogs and I am not, and that she is the boss of how the house looks because it's her house and her dad's house. not ours. But the more we get her, the meaner she gets each time.

I have suggested therapy and also that she should go see the doctor about her pulling her eyebrows out and how skinny she is since her mom insists on SD12 being on a diet and working out daily. But BM makes the appointments, I am not sure if she is in full control of that or what. DBF only takes her to the dentist, so I am not sure how that is going to work.

I would do that too, do things with tye dye, make and paint bird houses, diamond paintings, bake together their favorite snack, take her shopping and get her nails done, but I have stopped doing all of that the past couple of months because I would never receive even a simple thank you.... I am so tired of stressing over her presence.

I don't know how you do it! Because I am pretty much at my witts end with this.

I have had several anxiety

I have had several anxiety attacks about her visits, I have sought out pychological help for myself. She helped a little, but I am thinking I need a better psychiatrist. What does help is me coming here and venting... sometimes people respond, sometimes they don't , and when they do, it helps because I can talk it through... I can't talk to DH about it because he gets SUPER depressed for DAYS

Same

Same about the anxiety attacks. Today, my stomach is just in knots and I feel as though I can't breathe because SD comes back today for the rest of the week and I am just not ready for it. I don't think I ever will on the days we get her. I also go to therapy every other week, and it does seem to help a little but doesn't really solve the issues that are at hand.

I am sorry that you aren't able to talk with your DH about how you're feeling because it makes him all depressed. I guess no one likes hearing negative things about their children, I get it, but sometimes it's what they need to hear until the problem is fixed. My DBF just usually gets pissy or then says, well, "DD13 does this and does that," but SD will do even worse things and she never gets any type of punishment for it. It's frustrating for sure... I am glad that this page helps you, it's helped me too and I even made a couple of friends off of here and we email eachother pretty much on the daily. You can do the same if you ever want to talk or vent! :)

If you keep playing into SD

Games. Nothing is going to change. To bad, To sad, if she gets her feeling hurt. Everyone one in the household has a job, everyone is expected to do there job and be respectful to other household members. If she can't not this. It's up to DH to parent her.

You must make DH understand his chance of a big Happy Family went away with his divorce. He had his chance, he let it slip away. No second changes