There are many reasons.  If a demanding job would have the children with someone else most of the time while in your custody then they are better off with the other parent who has a more accomodating schedule.  Taking them 50/50 just so that you can and then leaving before they get up and only seeing them when you get home at 8 pm is not great parenting.  There may also be a bitter custody battle that you simply can not afford to continue because the ex has you beaten in financial resources. Or the children may be at an age where they prefer to be with the same sex parent.  There are as many reasons for custody arrangements as there are couples.  I am uncomfortable judging parents who have weekend custody as people who do not love their children as much as those who have them more.  And I am certainly not comfortable condemning people who are divorced for any reason, which frankly is none of my business, as someone who does not love their children!

That question was phrased sort of strangely.  You can not love your ex, or fall out of love, or realize it wasn’t love, or even be absolutely disgusted by them (for whatever reason) and still love your kid(s). They are NOT the same person as your ex, they are their own human being and individual. So to say that you have to stay with your ex because you love you child is very odd- they are not one in the same or the same person. Although some parents like to think that to try to control situations. It simply is not true and not reality. I am no more of a human than my daughter is, and she is no more “me” than I am my mother or grandmother. 

A child has the right to be loved by both parents. I do have my daughter primarily during the week, and her dad has her one week day, every other weekend, and some weeks through the year.  That doesn’t mean that I love her more- it is also about the time spent. So yes he sees her less days, but they have tons of quality time (prob more quality time than I do as I work during the week and she is off at school and activities of her own). 

Why would a parent spending time with their kid be for “show”, it is their child after all.  I’m also certain that some people who have their kids full time also do this for show.....” look at me I’m a magical full time single parent”. So that comment/question is pretty moot. 

Should someone be be held hostage against their will just because they had a kid with someone? Nope. Loving your child and romantic love are 2 separate things.

Also, if you teach and treat your child as rhaie own separate individual they will grow up to be much more productive and emotionally and mentally healthy. The kind of attitude where it is presented “your mom or dad didn’t love you enough to stay together” would be absolutely detrimental to the child’a Well being— and honestly as a kid if you knew your parent stayed just for them and they weren’t in love and were miserable that would actually be much more damaging to the child because they would then blame them self for their parent’s unhappiness.

Until the courts put 50/50 time splits first and automatically, you will be stuck with this as  starting point.  The system needs to be changed so that parents can be parents and not into thinking that my time is so short so I must make it all positive.  The need to compete generally comes from a parent who most likely has a character disorder or mental illness.  

I think you,OP, are in a situation that isn't working very well for you.  

I am confused about what you are asking. Yes, leaving your children's other parent can be in the best interest of the child. Yes, in most cases it is because they love their children that they leave. It is parent-shaming to assume that any parent who leaves a disfunctional marriage is automatically being selfish. You are ignoring the fact that some people in this world are narcissist, sociopaths, pyschopaths, emotionally detached/damaged and have no business being in a relationship or being a parent and yet many of these types of people have children to cement their holds on their victims. And they say such things as you ask "how is leaving and only seeing your kid on the weekend in their best interest?" Well think of it this way....my DH could have stayed with his HC-narcissistic ex who happens to be the mother of his child and they could have spent his entire 18 years arguing, throwing things, emotinally abusing one another and on her side-physically abusing him OR they could seperate and give his child at least an example of what it means to have a happy life with someone who shows love and appreciation. You need to think in terms of the quality of the time spent with the children versus the amount of physical time with the children. 100+ days with your happy kid will always outweigh 365 days of your kid watching you constantly fight (hate) the other half of their DNA.

Why is dad a weekend parent...how about you switch? Is that possible? OR be fair and ask him "hey what do you think---lets do 50 50, no child support, we can figure out who ha best health insurance and split it"

I know of over 400,000.00 fathers who would agree to that in a heart beat. They just want to see their kids as much a moms do.

For some parents, it probably *is* about control and putting on a show, although they may love their kids at the same time.  For others it is solely because they love the kids.

Your suggestion that parents who love their kids should stay together seems silly to me.  There are tons of reasons why people divorce, and most have nothing to do with the kids and whether or how much they love their kids.  My SO got divorced because his ex-wife left him - she had multiple affairs and didn't want to be with him anymore.  He had no control over that - you can't force someone to stay married to you, and we have no-fault divorce.  Now, my SO has 50/50 custody, but that's because he has the good fortune to be in a state where that is the default.  Many parents who would love to have their kids more can't because the court order says they can't.

If this is about your boyfriend, rather than obsessing about all the whys, you should just acknowledge that the relationship isn't right for you and act accordingly.  

“Putting on a show” for skids isn’t about loving skids. It’s about control and lack of closure. Skids is just an excuse. If they really loved skids and wanted them to have a family they wouldn’t have divorced in the first place. And if DH refuses to stop then he doesn’t care what you think. Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t care what you think?

I sort of understand what you are saying. I'm conflicted. I have lots of issues in my household, which makes me think about leaving my husband. But, I want my children to be in an intact family and I still love my husband - what I'm hoping is that this is all a bad phase and will go away with time. Through being a stepparent, I see what goes on with exes and their kids- the kids feel less stability and although they get more presents and can better manipulate their parents, they get screwed in other ways. I don't want that for my children. Add to that both my husband and SS both have tempers. I don't think my kids would be harmed, but I would not feel 100% comfortable if my kids were with them alone to be completely honest.

So, in many ways, I understand BM wanting a divorce from DH. He had a temper, probably wasn't super loving towards her, and they had really different personalities. I understand them being scared about divorce. They were both high school sweethearts and knew nothing else in terms of relationships, plus BM never worked a day in her life until she was in her mid to late-30's. But, I also also saw the aftermath, which turned out that it was all about control and putting on a show for BM. And, for DH it was about not wanting to lose time with his kids, and wanting them to love him. BM was adament about wanting primary custody of the kids in the beginning, but what they came up with was a 50/50 solution, in which DH had them more as he had the more flexible job. But, BM started dating (legitimately - I'm pretty positive she was cheating on DH during their marraige) and basically forgot that she had responsibilties for the kids. DH looked at it as his opportunity to have the kids more and that's what basically happened. BM became even less responsible over her kids, because DH would just agree the take the kids whenever she asked. She still wanted it to look like it was 50/50. She wanted control over DH and the kids to do whatever she wanted and she was putting on a show for everyone else. She could have been telling everyone that DH was abusive, yet why would she leave her kids with him almost all the time if that was how she felt. So yeah, for some parents it's a show.

It’s sad that you really think divorce is about not loving the children. I grew up in a home with parents who should have divorced WAY before they did. I was 25 when they finally broke up. I remember BEGGING my mom at 14 to divorce my father because I was tired of their fighting. Was there abuse? No. Does that mean they were a happy couple and we were one happy family? No.

What’s sad is I modeled my first marriage after my parents. I did exactly what I saw when I was growing up and it was horrible but hey that’s what love is right?

There is more than enough evidence to show the harm a bad marriage does to kids. There’s more than enough to show how divorced parents can actually benefit the children if just they don’t live in war zone anymore. There’s also evidence that shows if either parent has a new partner it could be beneficial to the children because they get another chance to see what a good relationship looks like and how they should model their own.

As for weekend parents. Are you saying children only need one parent? If you don’t have full and sole custody of your child you don’t love them? Or are you completely clueless to all the possible reasons why 50/50 custody might not be the best option if it’s even possible? Do you really think the only reason a “weekend” parent would want their kids is control? Is it better for a parent who can’t do 50/50 to just check out completely? Or heck it seems to you unless the parent has sole custody they don't actally love their child. You take them away from their other parent or you don't see them at all otherwise it's just an act of control and has nothing to do with loving your child.