choosing the children over the spouse
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and this is not even a step situation. putting the children over the marriage will always end this way.
http://jezebel.com/evan-rachel-wood-dumped-jamie-bell-to-spend-more-time...
and this is not even a step situation. putting the children over the marriage will always end this way.
http://jezebel.com/evan-rachel-wood-dumped-jamie-bell-to-spend-more-time...
In my first marriage, my Dh
In my first marriage, my Dh and I truly thought that we should always put the children first.
Clearly that was a mistake because even though we wanted many of the same things and got along extremely well, we just fell out of love - since we never spent any time on the marriage.
My new DH and I focus on putting us first, realizing that the kids will all be gone soon.
Putting children over
Putting children over marriage is tantamount to divorce. Every time.
It wasn't until I came to
It wasn't until I came to this site that putting the marriage before the children ever entered my mind. Yes, sometimes we need our time without the kids, but I never thought to put mine and DW's interests first. Obviously we're not going to say "no you can't go to your soccer game because we want to stay in bed all day", but having more time to focus on us would be nice. I may be too far gone in my situation but like everyone here seems to think, putting too much time into the kids and not into yourselves (together) will only end with everyone unhappy.
About six mos before I filed,
About six mos before I filed, my (now ex) husband and I went out to dinner. I told him that I felt our priorities weren't meshing. That it seemed to me that his priorities were (1) his career, (2) the kids, (3) me/our marriage. And asked how he saw my priorities. To which he replied (1) him, (2) the kids, (3) my family. And while I listed his right, he had no interest in re-prioritizing his list. That was not acceptable to me.
Is it only Golden when
Is it only Golden when putting marriage before "step-kids"? Because I am married and my son will always comes first. He is a child and his needs are different. Not sure how I am supposed to put my husband first, I don't think I even know what that entails but I have been married for almost 17 years and so far so good.
Since the thread started with
Since the thread started with newspaper articles about two NATURAL parents divorcing over their OWN child, I'm pretty sure everyone means it to include in tact families as well as steps.
No one is recommending leaving kiddie on the Titanic while Mom and Dad hog the last lifeboat.
What it does entail is remembering you have something else to talk about besides Junior. Letting Junior see that dinner is not dominated every night by conversation on kiddie issues but Mom and Dad sharing their day, etc. is important, too. It is not allowing Junior to interrupt either Mom or Dad. It is one parent always defending the other in front of the kids. It is not committing every last dime of the family budget to Junior's football camp or whatever but prioritizing couple's expenses like occasional flowers, date nights, etc. It means taking the occasional weekend jaunt or other trip WITHOUT THE KIDS.
It is making darn sure that nothing ever gets in the way of the special spark that brought you together. Keeping mom and dad's bed as their personal space -- only toddlers get the OCCASIONAL night with mom and dad.
It is treating your spouse like the boyfriend you were excited to say "yes" to (and vice versa) and letting Junior see that every day.
I remember once as a child we sat down to Sunday dinner and my Dad picked up a knife at his place setting and complained it wasn't properly clean.
"Who is the last person to wash the dishes?" he demanded sternly.
"Mom did! Mom did! Ha ha!" we all giggled. We thought we had the upper hand at last!
"Why are you kids letting your mother wash the dishes?" he then berated us. "She does enough around here."
We. Could. Not. Win.
That's what it looks like.
Gotta live balanced. Everyone
Gotta live balanced. Everyone is important in the family. Kids need to know the adults have a deep love with each other. Date night, cudles, and a united front with the kids.
Love love love my alone time with my hubby. We have a grand time together. My kids know they are important and my hubby knows he is important.
Need to be freinds and lovers.
Kids are gone for part of the summer. They are with thier other parents. Works for me!! Spent the day surfing with hubby.
My father made it absolutely
My father made it absolutely clear with his son's to never put him the positio of having to chose any of us over his wife or each other. That his wife is our mother was not the point. The point is that his wife and marriage would always take priority over his boys.
Mom had the same message regarding her husband (our dad) and their marriage.
I believe that anyone who puts children above the marriage/spouse is setting a flawed and unhealthy example for their children. Even if that marriage is a blended family situation the marriage/adult relationship at the center of the blended family must come first, be the unequivical priortiy and never be seconded to any children (regardless of biology). Children are certainly the primary responsibility but the marriage remains the priority.
IMHO of course.