Can a SM file for CS?

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I ask because BM has only taken SD 2 days since the beginning of September. She is supposed to have her 50/50 but keeps coming up with excuses for why she "can't" take her.

DH refuses to do anything about it because, well, he's a b%$#@ when it comes to BM. He wants to have SD full time and he thinks it's stupid to file for CS because BM works minimum wage jobs (when she chooses to work) and it won't really make a difference to us.

My thing is, it's the principle. Sure, the money might not make a difference to us but it will hopefully make a difference to BM! She needs to pay for her child!

Is there any way a SM can file for CS since SD lives in my house and DH refuses to file? Or does it not matter than I am financially supporting her?

doesnt matter. DH has to do

doesnt matter. DH has to do it.

You can not. You do not have

You can not. You do not have legal custody.

Tell your DH you are either

Tell your DH you are either filling for divorce or CS, whichever comes first. I'm sure he will then take his b****cks straight back from BM and file.

Its not stupid, and I feel

Its not stupid, and I feel your pain. BM in my situation didn't work at all but I still made DH file. She pays the state max for non working CS ($65/month) and I will say the judge was not impressed that she has 3 kids and doesn't work to support any of them!

Thanks, guys. I didn't really

Thanks, guys. I didn't really think that I could file, but it would make sense that I should be able to- SD lives in my house & I pay more than half the bills there!

I hear this! frustrating how

I hear this! frustrating how little stepparents have in terms of rights- especially when you are raising the children and doing everything a "normal" bio would do!

Exactly. I went on our state

Exactly. I went on our state website and it says they calculate CS based on both parent's income and the amount of time they each have with the child. I entered in DH and BM's info and it looks like DH would be the one who has to pay! Even though we have SD almost 100% of the time! How the heck can that be??

My state does the same thing

My state does the same thing on the calculator, but I have never heard of a parent having to pay support when they have full custody. That amount has always be deemed to be spent on the child so there is never an order to pay that to the other parent. Advise your DH to push for full custody in the modification hearing and don't let him back down from it. He may not realize it now, but as time goes on if he is NOT awarded full custody even if he does have SD more than 50% of the time BM will take him back for modification of CS. At that point it will be more likely he will have to get an attorney to fight in the courtroom for what should be settled in this modification appointment.

Oh ok, I was like what the

Oh ok, I was like what the heck...

Why would he pay her when she doesn't ever even have the kid!

For the past 4 years, DH and BM had 50/50 week on/week off. The problems arose when SD started school because BM lives 2 hours away and week on/week off was not going to work any longer.

DH and BM agreed among themselves that DH would keep SD during the week for school (our house is much more stable- long story) and BM would take SD on weekends and most of the summer. Well, low and behold, this "arrangement" has been in place only 5 weeks and BM only took SD 2 weekends in those past 5 weeks.

She always has an excuse. She has to work, she can't find a babysitter, she doesn't have a car, blah blah blah. Call me crazy but I think if it's YOUR day to have your child and you can't spend time with her for whatever reason, you get a babysitter! Not just not pick up your child!

She doesn't tell DH she isn't taking SD until the very last minute too, like the day before she is supposed to take her. So naturally DH and I have plans because we are not planning on having SD.

I am getting so sick of this!! I guess we should just start planning on BM NOT taking SD like she's supposed to to avoid having ruined plans. Smh!

I have a feeling he is going

I have a feeling he is going to get full custody in this modification, especially if she doesn't show. Then she will get an order to pay support. However, I bet your last statement is right. It is all a bunch of crap! Just relish in the fact that if you get full custody BM will not get a dime from you.

if he isnt worried about the

if he isnt worried about the money, maybe if you do file for CS BM might get spooked about it and straighten herself out and have her kid more. Which even if BM is aPOS Your Skid still get time needed with her mother. maybe you can explain that to you DH and he will come around and file.

That's what I was hoping,

That's what I was hoping, that she would choose time with SD over paying CS.

DH always makes up excuses to SD about why BM can't take her and it makes me sick.

At what age do you think is appropriate to tell a kid the truth- that her mother just DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE HER? Ever?

Your DH is doing the right

Your DH is doing the right thing. There have been many times we have wanted to tell SD what a POS her mother is for trying to control my DH's time with his daughter and the mental crap she lays on the poor girl, but we refrained. I have done this for 15 years and now that SD is 17 she is seeing through some of the things BM has put her through and knows we love her without having conditions. It really does show in the end who is doing the right thing for the child. I don't think there will ever be a time when I want to tell my SD what a POS her father procreated with! My SD is a blessing and as much as I hate to admit it BM is a part of that. Oh do I HATE that, but I cant tear down SD's BM knowing how much it would hurt SD. Only wish BM would stop talking about my DH. They were never married and were together 1 year had baby (in high school) they tried to make it work for 2, she cheated, he met me. Life goes on...only 2 more years to put up with BM so it is easier for me to bite my tongue today than it was years ago, but I am grateful I did.

I get so tempted to tell her!

I get so tempted to tell her! SD has been talking about BM a lot lately and she never used to talk about her- I think it's because she used to be with her 50% of the time and now she hardly ever sees her. It's so hard when she's saying "mommy said.." or "mommy did.." or "at mommy's house.." , I just want to scream YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T EVEN WANT YOU, WHY DO YOU TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT?!

Oh yes I know the feeling and

Oh yes I know the feeling and you are a better person than BM for not talking about it. LOL I just thought about this and forgot there was a time when I said something. When SD was about 8 or so she said something like well my mom doesn't make food like this and she doesn't drink milk. It was a beautiful dinner and maybe a bit too advanced for her palate but I couldn't help myself I said "and that is why your mommy doesn't have boobies!" }:) To this day my SD17 always drinks her milk. We laugh about it now, but it goes to show you if SD remembers that from 9 years ago imagine if I hadn't have kept quiet about my other thoughts!

now THAT is a priceless

now THAT is a priceless response!!!!

Hahahaha love it!!

Yep that just flew out of my

Yep that just flew out of my mouth without hesitation. No time for a filter at that moment. I have upgraded the strength of filter since then.

Does he pay CS to the mother?

No, currently no one pays CS

No, currently no one pays CS because they are supposed to have SD 50/50. However, BM has not been taking SD at all. She only had her 2 days in the past month.

DH and I have consulted an

DH and I have consulted an attorney about this. BM has obstructed our time and we have a calendar with the reasons and dates listed. She has then turned around and asked for a more support because my DH does not have SD17 for overnights. In our state to modify the CS based on violating visitation you have to file for a new CO. Once the CO has been approved then you take the the days that are outlined in the order against the child support order.

-Document when she does not show for visitation

-File for a modification of Child Custody (You will have court costs and possibly need the help of an attorney to do this.)

-If the court agrees it is in the best interest for the child to change the order days will be changed.

-When the custody order is changed showing BM's days drastically reduced your will be awarded more support if there is room for more in BM's income for it. (Sounds like you can do the calculation with BM only making minimum wage)

My advise is to do the child support calculation (my state has it online) entering your DH's income and BM's at min wage for your state. When you see the outcome of the possible raise in support then you decide if it is worth it to you at this time to incur court costs as well as attorney fees for the raise in support.

Thanks, Patsy! They actually

Thanks, Patsy! They actually have a custody modification mediation this Monday so we will see what happens there. I have a feeling BM is not going to show.

Oh if she doesn't show how

Oh if she doesn't show how wonderful that would be!!! I will be thinking about you Monday hoping for the best!

Thank you! It's funny because

Thank you! It's funny because BM is the one who filed for the custody mod but she doesn't ever even take SD lol she's a total nutcase!

Our state has a minimum

Our state has a minimum amount of days they award to non custodial parents unless there has been a real show of abuse and the NCP has been proven to be unfit. If you are curious check your state and see how many days BM would get out of the year if your DH is given full custody. If this works out in mediation without having to pay an attorney.....Oh I am just :jawdrop: speechless. HOW GREAT THAT WOULD BE!

You have to file in person in

You have to file in person in our state but that's a good idea. I told DH we will be going to file for CS this week and I will be going with him to make sure he does it.

If he gives me any crap, I'm going to tell him we're filing for something - child support or divorce, you choose.

this is just a thought but if

this is just a thought but if he wont do it and you apply for any state assistance for that child at least in the state i work and live in the state will go after the mother or the absent parent for child support and then you or DH dont have to. once order is in place then close out the state asst. that is if you can even qualifiy for state asst depending on income bracket your family falls into. you must have to have an open case for state child support enforment to go after absent parent.
i work for social services and when an absent parent comes in to play the dept will go after them to collect support pretty fast. i would think most states would do this...

That's a good idea, & that is

That's a good idea, & that is the way I believe it work in our state too, but we don't qualify for any assistance.

You have no obligation to

You have no obligation to support your SD. Stop!

Let DH support her. If he gets tired of it, he can file. If he doesn't mind doing it, it's on him.

I know but it's hard to break

I know but it's hard to break down the general living expenses. For instance, my DH pays our rent and I pay our utilities and everything else (electric, water, gas, car insurance, cell phone bills, groceries etc.). Yes I make more than DH does.

Naturally, having 3 people in the house vs having 2 people in the house causes a difference in everything- electric bill (SD "has" to have her TV and light on all night, every night), water bill (SD takes a long shower every night), grocery bill. DH claims it makes no difference but it does.

I don't know how to split things like that. We used to only have her 50% so I didn't really worry about it, but now that we have her basically 100% it's getting frustrating.

I just wish her stupid mother would take care of her. Why have kids if you don't want them? I seriously don't get it.

can't you divide your bills

can't you divide your bills by 3 and tell him what his portion is for the week/month? should be 2/3 in my opinion. you can be nice and take an extra bill on yourself to help make up for the pay discrepancy. you can renegotiate when he files. there's no way i'd be good taking care of a grown man and his kid, especially when the actual mother gets off scott free. not what I signed up for when I got married. i'm glad you told him your filing for something. stick by your guns lady.