Age old problem and no easy answer - perhaps no answer.

Unless your husband can convince his ex its not in their kids best interests I don't see much you can do. I've told my kids outright that some parents are more concerned about their childrens health and habits than other parents are. "At our house we want you to grow up healthy and so we have these rules. I'm sorry but that's the way it is".

Repeat as necessary until they're old enough to accept it and eventually they'll see the wisdom.

I have heard of some parents asking their attorney to write the offending parent warning that if the child is not given appropriate bedtimes there could be reprocussions. Sometimes it works and sometimes not - usually inbetween and always roils the waters. Its a uninforceable warning of course.

The girls are not allowed to play video games at our house, and we limit their TV time. We also monitor their TV shows and movies for age appropriateness.

We don't allow them to have dessert after every meal .. just dinner, and only when they eat an acceptable amount of their meal.

They do chores in our house; beyond just picking up their toys. They help set the table, they feed the dogs, they empty bathroom trashcans, etc. They are 4 & 6, so we have a whole set of age-appropriate chores they do.

None of that exists at BM's. She leaves them at day care/school for about 12-13 hrs a day, so she only deals with breakfast, dinner (which is usually fast food or take out), baths every other day, and homework. Bedtime is 7pm, so they're home for MAYBE an hour before that rolls around.

Just about all of her behavior / attitude is skewed by "at mom's house". Her mother has no set bed time, no limits on tv, computer games, etc., no actual meals (she eats whatever she wants while watching tv in her room), no schedule (does her homework when she feels like it, no shower time, etc.). It affects what she thinks is going to happen in our home every week when she gets here, but we don't deal with it. We simply say "you're no longer at your mother's house. It is fine that she lets you do a,b,c but here we do x,y,z and we have the following expectations. Meet them or here are the consequences". She spends a lot of time in the corner on the first day back simply because she back talks and tries to "negotiate" the rules to be the same as at her mother's house. Then she resigns herself to being here and she is fine.

Sd6 has stopped saying that now, she just accepts that she needs to use manners and ask for things nicely, her mother is as rough as a well a rough thing lol, Bf said she only stays here for 2 days a week what can I teach her? Well we have taught her nice manners and respect now and you know she enjoys it, Children are very adaptable and can easily adapt to different rules, I always knew I had to be extra good when visiting family or friends as a child. So if you work as a team and have set house rules she will accept them. At the end of the day, children love routine, it makes them feel secure, I have found that children with no boundaries/routine are more likely to be badly behaved.

We have the same exact problem. There are no rules at BM's house. Actually, BM doesn't even have a house- she just takes SD to whichever guy's or relative's house she is staying at that week. When she comes back to our house (we have her every week for the full week), it takes several days for her to get back to her normal routine which includes a bedtime and waking up in the morning for preschool (BM doesn't take her to school on her weeks). Once she starts to act like a normal person again, it is back to BM's house. It's a horrible cycle.