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Back after 7years!

The Triangle's picture

Submitted by The Triangle on Mon, 01/08/2018 - 3:40pm

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Man! When I first started this forum / journey I was a newlywed. I had NEVER wanted kids and then I fell in love. I had a HORRIBLE bm and was fighting for custody. In 2012 we won, in 2014 we relocated. Since then, we bought a house, I changed careers, lost my father (my crazy mother / still alive just inconsiderate and crazy). Now here I sit. We have ss , now 14 , all but 9 weeks of the year. Still have to "find" child support every month, and ss is still a jerk to me whenever he has a scheduled visit. Luckily he was gone all break because this was the first holiday season without my father and I wasn't feeling it. I still put on a mask and played my part. Today he is coming back and I am so anxiety ridden! Ugh. Over the past 2 weeks the hub and I have had a lot of down and dirty convos / arguments about life. I am just over this kid ruling my time, money, schedule. Bm has "stepped" up as far as paying (on time

paul_in_utah's picture

Submitted by paul_in_utah on Mon, 01/08/2018 - 5:52pm

Step-hell is perhaps the worst of all of the regular hells of life.....but we are here to help each other. I'm sorry you're going through that. I would say "welcome back," but will just leave it as "we are here for you."

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Mon, 01/08/2018 - 6:08pm

I have a lot of tolerance for toddlers and small children skids. But by the time children become teens they need to at least start becoming decent human beings. Even though I am as old as dirt I remember being 14. Was I a mature adult? No - but I knew right from wrong and had some semblance of how I should act.

I don't believe in putting up with crap from teens or adults who are aholes. No teen should rule your time, money or schedule.

I am sorry about the loss of your father. I took early retirement to take care of my father for almost a decade who was almost 89 when he died. He was a very flawed man, but he was my father. It's still a loss.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Tue, 01/09/2018 - 12:45am

the teen years are exactly when all of my skids became monsters. as children they were brats and manipulative but tolerable.

the girls saw me as a romantic rival for their father and the boy thought he was a man of 30 and would not listen to anything i said.

of course dh was a total coward in trying to stand up for me like a man. he totally self castrated even though they used him like an atm and blackmailed him when he did not open his wallet.

triangle, i am so sorry this is happening to you. welcome back. i am sorry about your father.

SuperStep's picture

Submitted by SuperStep on Tue, 01/09/2018 - 11:25am

I feel your pain. My unofficial SS has been back home from 1st year of college. This is his last wk; 1st 2 wks spent with BM who reigns over the kingdom. I'm tired of putting on the face. I'm tired of being the last person to know everything, the only person who is never informed as to what's going on in this house that's supposed to be my home too (but the house is in SO's name only). My advice to anyone considering taking on a relationship with a SO with kids and a ahole for an EX... rethink it. And by no means let go of your house! I have no space to call my own, I had no identity and no say and I'm tired of it and ready to leave them all in the dust. Nice after 11-12 years. No real commitment from SO... his kids will always be 1st. I'm an idiot.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Tue, 01/09/2018 - 12:30pm

I feel your pain. We have SD full time...zero breaks and zero CS from loser BM.

And SD is a kid that breaks the laws, is incredibly disrespectful and I just can’t wait for her to age out!

The Triangle's picture

Submitted by The Triangle on Tue, 01/09/2018 - 5:08pm

Thanks you all. Yeah, it's already grinding my nerves. SD just acts like he is grown and for the life of me I can't get it threw his head he is a CHILD. Probably because bm is a coward and refers to him as "baby angel" and always dotes all over him. Which is fine to an extent. They both parent out of guilt and maybe all parents do? I have no idea, nor do I care to experiment and find out... Stepparenting is such a joke. You somehow take on , in most cases, more responsibility for a kid than one or both parents. No rights, no understanding, and no appreciation. I mean my husband is not demanding that I do anything. I guess I just want a dang parade, sash, and candy for the crap I put up with some days! Actually I just want to not always be in "step mommy " mode. Here I sit, counting down the days until my next week break in 3 months. Then another 4 months, then another 4, etc...

At the end of the day he is not a terrible kid. He acts out and does stupid kid stuff. It's me, I am just over it. I just really didn't think that it would be so annoying the whole 13 years! It makes me feel like a bad person that I am counting down days and years... ugh!

My dad was the most selfless person I have ever known. I would give anything to call him and have this convo. I never did when he was here, he just lead by example. Sigh. I'm just a different person nowadays. Has anyone else suffered a loss and looked at their "chosen" situation differently? What helped? Or did you just go?