Yes, I am his Dad and he is MY Son. Far more so that the SpermDad is his Dad.
Parenting, at least in my case, is not about an accident of genetics. It is a choice I made when I asked his Mom to join me in our life adventure.
The kid was and is an incredible bonus.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
They are all OUR kids. When we are talking to each other or to other people they are referred to as OUR kids. We have 3. I introduce SS as my son, he introduces the girls as his daughters. And both of the other parents are ok with this. I do not say that I am his mom when it is important issues, paperwork etc. I don't make him call me mom... he has a nickname for me and that is what works for us.
When the conversation warrents it, I go into detail. I get a lot of funny looks because I have 2 6 year olds (they are 3 weeks aprart)... people always ask "twins?"... so then I have to explain.
My SDs do view me as a mom-type figure but I still introduce them as my step-daughters. As much as I can't stand BM, I'll never try to claim them as mine, I'll let her have that.
Oh noooo I'm not trying to take their mom's place by any means. They will always be referred to as my skids. But some people say well we have 3 kids (1 our and 2 his) without clarifying it. I will always says they are the skids. We dont have a child together yet and I only want MY child to call me mom.
For now I always say I have no kids. Maybe when/if I have some I'll just include them all not to make them feel bad. BUt really they arent mine. They are his. At 11 and 13 I dont know that I can truly just claim them as my own without feeling weird.
I understand Naturally Mom's concern. Recently, people have asked questions without contributing and it is kind of odd to not offer your own thoughts when you pose a topic ... those same people are also setting up questions for attack.
I read it here today. Some have nothing better to do than start fights on Step Talk.
At any rate, to contribute, yes they are OUR kids. A sperm and egg join and make offspring. Parenting is a whole other process.
I get what you're asking -- jk! When people ask me if I have kids, I say "I have two stepkids."
The day after DH and I got married, my SD (then 15) posted as her FB status: "_____ has three parents..." I was really touched. So, yes: they ARE my kids!
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
They are not my kids. They are just his kids. I have no say so or control over anything that has to do with them, therefore I will not be responsible for children I have no control over.
*I know the voices in my head arn't real...But they do have some great ideas!!
They are mine. I am their mother. I am the only mother that was there for them when they were sick, when they had scraped knees, when they were home sick with the flu... They were 3, 4 and 6 when I became mom. She wasn't around and they needed me.
I may not always like them know as they are teenagers, but they are still mine. I will defend them just like any mother cub...
They are absolutely NOT my children. I will not take responsibility for their actions! I don't and haven't raised them. Mostly because they no one wants me to. You know, if I had raised them, they would be perfect of course.
Depends on the situation. I usually clarify that they're stepkids eventually, but don't jump all over it as a first encounter necessarily.
I sometimes say "our kids" but I don't have any so it's technically not true, but ... whatev.
For example, I met a lady a while back, she told me who her husband was and I said, "Oh, he was our youngest's soccer coach."
In the past, I was very technical about it. I didn't want to step on any toes. Then I noticed when I was with the kids and people called me their mom or called them my kids, I was the only doing the differentiating. The kids never piped up. Then, I mentioned this to my DH's aunt who is herself a biologically childless stepmom and she said, "No, call them your kids. That's the only way they'll ever feel like you mean it." or some such. So, I tried it and it works - for me, anyway.
really, stepmaso?? what kind of difference did it make when you started referring to them as "your" kids?? better for them, you, dh, all involved???? or did it just make things easier not explaining??
i ask, b/c maybe i will try it..... currently i jump up and declare they are not mine... and i'm not so sure that makes anyone feel good or bad --- i just never give enough time for dh or skids to say anything -- so i don't know what they would prefer....
I guess its, I just don't jump all out to correct everyone that refers to them as my kids. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.
We all know the truth of the situation and the kids don't seem to mind if I don't correct a person all of the sudden. It hasn't been going on long so I'm not sure. I get along great with my skids. Their mom is well, less than a stellar citizen and I'm very involved in the community and know a lot of people. I think the kids like being associated with me.
Sometimes it's awkward, like someone will say "Are these your kids?" I'll just say yeah, real quick and then start introducing them. Most people know I'm a stepmom so I don't feel the need to re-explain things or go into detail. Cause it's also worked the other way where I've said I was their stepmom and the person got on to me for downplaying it (cool, right?)
Sometimes it's just easy if it's someone you know you're not ever going to see again like a person helping at a store or something like that.
I would say, next time it happens to you, take a look at the kids and DH and see what they think? I just kind of feel it out.
She is my Step-daughter. I am often referred to "mom" in public by strangers and she is quick to correct them and say I am her "step-mom". Just because she is not mine, doesn't mean I love her any less.
I have 5 total, 2 SD's and 3 bio's, I have always told everyone I have 5 kids, for the last 20 years. I know that the SD's never lived with us (their choice) but I would want them to know I always count them, cause they do count. People who ask don't need all the details, they just think you look FABULOUS!
This question recently came up at a family function and my reply was "I have no children." After my MIL gave me a strange look, I replied that DH had 1 child.
No need of trying to sugar coat the truth . . we don't get along why pretend otherwise?
My Son (SS) and your GKs have similar situations. My Parents consider my SS thier grandson period.
Your GKs and my SS are lucky kids to have a bonus set of caring grandparents.
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I dont have any of my own, but if FH and I are out with SD1 people just assume she is mine. I dont normally correct them unless necessary. Its not really their business. Im not trying to be her mom or anything but I do fully believe that after FH and I get married she will become my step-daughter and that makes her part of my family and she would be counted as such. I would include her with the count of my own children, when that time comes.
But in another case. My sister has 2 sons. One with her current husband. He also has 3 other sons. My sister usually says she has 5 sons. But with that many most people ask about it so she says I had one he had 3 we had one and that gave us 5.
Life isn't about the days you have, its about what you do with the days you have.
No, they are his kids, not
No, they are his kids, not mine.
His...but if I'm asked "how
His...but if I'm asked "how many children do you have?" I usually respond "we have 4" without clarifying that I have 2 and he has 2.
Yes, I am his Dad and he is
Yes, I am his Dad and he is MY Son. Far more so that the SpermDad is his Dad.
Parenting, at least in my case, is not about an accident of genetics. It is a choice I made when I asked his Mom to join me in our life adventure.
The kid was and is an incredible bonus.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
SS is DH and BM child, thru
SS is DH and BM child, thru and thru
They are all OUR kids. When
They are all OUR kids. When we are talking to each other or to other people they are referred to as OUR kids. We have 3. I introduce SS as my son, he introduces the girls as his daughters. And both of the other parents are ok with this. I do not say that I am his mom when it is important issues, paperwork etc. I don't make him call me mom... he has a nickname for me and that is what works for us.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
We often say "our kids" when
We often say "our kids" when talking about them, but when asked how many kids we have, we always say "DH has 3, and I have 1."
When the conversation
When the conversation warrents it, I go into detail. I get a lot of funny looks because I have 2 6 year olds (they are 3 weeks aprart)... people always ask "twins?"... so then I have to explain.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
His. When we talk to
His. When we talk to others, I say my step sons. I may feel differently if they viewed me as a mom figure.
My SDs do view me as a
My SDs do view me as a mom-type figure but I still introduce them as my step-daughters. As much as I can't stand BM, I'll never try to claim them as mine, I'll let her have that.
Oh noooo I'm not trying to
Oh noooo I'm not trying to take their mom's place by any means. They will always be referred to as my skids. But some people say well we have 3 kids (1 our and 2 his) without clarifying it. I will always says they are the skids. We dont have a child together yet and I only want MY child to call me mom.
Oh yes, I get what you were
Oh yes, I get what you were saying, no worries! I just meant that I do feel really 'mom' like to them but it doesn't change the way I introduce them.
For now I always say I have
For now I always say I have no kids. Maybe when/if I have some I'll just include them all not to make them feel bad. BUt really they arent mine. They are his. At 11 and 13 I dont know that I can truly just claim them as my own without feeling weird.
Life is what you make it.
AGAIN, WHY ARE YOU ASKING? I
AGAIN, WHY ARE YOU ASKING?
I often wonder why bloggers ask questions wo posting their own input.
"I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the end your right to say it," - Voltaire
Maybe because she is just
Maybe because she is just curious as to how other blended fams work.
Its a way of starting a
Its a way of starting a conversation, and to see how other people view themselves and what they feel
.
I understand Naturally Mom's
I understand Naturally Mom's concern. Recently, people have asked questions without contributing and it is kind of odd to not offer your own thoughts when you pose a topic ... those same people are also setting up questions for attack.
I read it here today. Some have nothing better to do than start fights on Step Talk.
At any rate, to contribute, yes they are OUR kids. A sperm and egg join and make offspring. Parenting is a whole other process.
No, they're my stepkids!
No, they're my stepkids! LOL
I get what you're asking -- jk! When people ask me if I have kids, I say "I have two stepkids."
The day after DH and I got married, my SD (then 15) posted as her FB status: "_____ has three parents..." I was really touched. So, yes: they ARE my kids!
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
They are not my kids. They
They are not my kids. They are just his kids. I have no say so or control over anything that has to do with them, therefore I will not be responsible for children I have no control over.
*I know the voices in my head arn't real...But they do have some great ideas!!
I'm with BB - I always say I
I'm with BB - I always say I have a stepdaughter.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
They are mine. I am their
They are mine. I am their mother. I am the only mother that was there for them when they were sick, when they had scraped knees, when they were home sick with the flu... They were 3, 4 and 6 when I became mom. She wasn't around and they needed me.
I may not always like them know as they are teenagers, but they are still mine. I will defend them just like any mother cub...
"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."
They are absolutely NOT my
They are absolutely NOT my children. I will not take responsibility for their actions! I don't and haven't raised them. Mostly because they no one wants me to.
You know, if I had raised them, they would be perfect of course. 
Depends on the situation. I
Depends on the situation. I usually clarify that they're stepkids eventually, but don't jump all over it as a first encounter necessarily.
I sometimes say "our kids" but I don't have any so it's technically not true, but ... whatev.
For example, I met a lady a while back, she told me who her husband was and I said, "Oh, he was our youngest's soccer coach."
In the past, I was very technical about it. I didn't want to step on any toes. Then I noticed when I was with the kids and people called me their mom or called them my kids, I was the only doing the differentiating. The kids never piped up. Then, I mentioned this to my DH's aunt who is herself a biologically childless stepmom and she said, "No, call them your kids. That's the only way they'll ever feel like you mean it." or some such. So, I tried it and it works - for me, anyway.
really, stepmaso?? what
really, stepmaso?? what kind of difference did it make when you started referring to them as "your" kids?? better for them, you, dh, all involved???? or did it just make things easier not explaining??
i ask, b/c maybe i will try it..... currently i jump up and declare they are not mine... and i'm not so sure that makes anyone feel good or bad --- i just never give enough time for dh or skids to say anything -- so i don't know what they would prefer....
I guess its, I just don't
I guess its, I just don't jump all out to correct everyone that refers to them as my kids. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.
We all know the truth of the situation and the kids don't seem to mind if I don't correct a person all of the sudden. It hasn't been going on long so I'm not sure. I get along great with my skids. Their mom is well, less than a stellar citizen and I'm very involved in the community and know a lot of people. I think the kids like being associated with me.
Sometimes it's awkward, like someone will say "Are these your kids?" I'll just say yeah, real quick and then start introducing them. Most people know I'm a stepmom so I don't feel the need to re-explain things or go into detail. Cause it's also worked the other way where I've said I was their stepmom and the person got on to me for downplaying it (cool, right?)
Sometimes it's just easy if it's someone you know you're not ever going to see again like a person helping at a store or something like that.
I would say, next time it happens to you, take a look at the kids and DH and see what they think? I just kind of feel it out.
She is my Step-daughter. I
She is my Step-daughter. I am often referred to "mom" in public by strangers and she is quick to correct them and say I am her "step-mom". Just because she is not mine, doesn't mean I love her any less.
I have 5 total, 2 SD's and 3
I have 5 total, 2 SD's and 3 bio's, I have always told everyone I have 5 kids, for the last 20 years. I know that the SD's never lived with us (their choice) but I would want them to know I always count them, cause they do count. People who ask don't need all the details, they just think you look FABULOUS!
This question recently came
This question recently came up at a family function and my reply was "I have no children." After my MIL gave me a strange look, I replied that DH had 1 child.
No need of trying to sugar coat the truth . . we don't get along why pretend otherwise?
Steve, My Son (SS) and your
Steve,
My Son (SS) and your GKs have similar situations. My Parents consider my SS thier grandson period.
Your GKs and my SS are lucky kids to have a bonus set of caring grandparents.
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I dont have any of my own,
I dont have any of my own, but if FH and I are out with SD1 people just assume she is mine. I dont normally correct them unless necessary. Its not really their business. Im not trying to be her mom or anything but I do fully believe that after FH and I get married she will become my step-daughter and that makes her part of my family and she would be counted as such. I would include her with the count of my own children, when that time comes.
But in another case. My sister has 2 sons. One with her current husband. He also has 3 other sons. My sister usually says she has 5 sons. But with that many most people ask about it so she says I had one he had 3 we had one and that gave us 5.
Life isn't about the days you have, its about what you do with the days you have.