Anyone else have babied, spoiled, whiny skids??? Help??
I already have another huge post mentioning this, but any advice on this SPECIFICALLY?
SD5 has grown over the past couple of years to become bratty and spoiled...entitled and whiny, all because my husband has felt SO horribly toward her bio mom, he gives her whatever she wants and lets her do whatever she wants so "when the time comes, she won't want to live with her mom".
All I ask is to live in a clean, decent looking home. When I was 5, toys stayed in our room, not all over the bathroom, the kitchen counters, the living room floor. We ate NEATLY over a plate, not standing up in front of the television using the floor as a dump (because you know, a home cleans itself). If we wanted our clothes washed, we knew where to put them, and didn't just leave them on the floor in every room and then whine when "our dresses are dirty".
My parents didn't use baby talk on us at 5 years old, knowing that it'd just make us go around talking illiterate and whiny and not acting our age. Yet my husband constantly calls her a baby (therefore she continues to talk like one). I always here things like: "here's some milks for my babygirlsh" or "lay down and go night night" or just using stupid pronunciation when saying her name...it infuriates me. She always whines when she calls him, all I hear all day is "Duddyyyy, I'm thirsty", "Duddyyyyy, carry me", or my favorite, every time she sees something she wants it's "Dudddyyyy, will you get me that?" and his reply "anything for my babygirlsh. Anything she wants, daddy gets."
I know HE is starting to see my resentment because I treat her differently than I used to (obviously because she's 5 and needs to stop acting like/getting treated like a baby). I even flat out told him that I refuse to baby talk to her, if she wants to speak to me she can use her big girl voice. Every time she starts whining to me, I say "Enough. Speak like a big girl."I am surely vocal about not climbing on my counters and cleaning up her toys. All of this is because when my child comes, I refuse to be doing things that she is perfectly capable of doing at her age.
He constantly keeps telling this girl "She's the center of daddy's world, and he's going to fight for her so she'll never have to go live with her mom, and 'Get to live with dadsh foreversh'". Plus, the more stupid comments he keeps making TO ME like "So you're going to expect our 3 year old to be neat and tidy"....1. HIS CHILD IS NOT 3, SHE IS 5. 2. MY CHILD WILL BE RAISED LIKE I WAS AND TAUGHT FROM THE GET GO TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES. I'm seriously going to blow up.
And did I forget to add she still sleeps in our bed? He won't go buy a kids bed for her yet because "I want my baby girlsh's cuddos" :sick:
I would like to add that I have been sleeping on the couch. Because there is no space and it's been too damn hot for all 3 of us in OUR bed. In OUR room. I seriously keep trying to get her a damn bed of her own because once my baby is here I want to be co sleeping with him. HE will need it, and it will be nice because I'm breastfeeding. So she is going to have to learn how to sleep in her own room in her own bed, and I'd rather be getting her used to that BEFORE he gets here. And you better believe once he's off the boob and that crucial bonding period for a newborn is over, into his own room he goes as well. I don't believe in this bed sharing business, especially with a 5 year old. This is the only place we get quality time as a couple, I refuse to let children over run that too.
S.O.S?!? 
I've seriously stopped
I've seriously stopped referring to her as "baby girl" like I used to, because every time I called her that her voice would instantly switch to baby talk or she'd start acting like one. Now I just call her "young lady" or "my girl" (If I'm in a good enough mood for that)...but of course her dad keeps calling her "daddy's baby" or "silly baby" .....I cringe because all of the kids her age around here actually ACT their age. You're 5 years old. Not 3, not 2, and certainly not a newborn baby. It's just embarrassing, really.
OMG, your DH needs to grow
OMG, your DH needs to grow up!! Does he know ANYTHING about parenting a child? Or being a husband?
I can understand your frustration because this ENTIRE situation needs to end yesterday!
Co-sleeping needs to stop. OMG this kid is 5!! Go out and buy a bed for this kid!! Put it in the other room and boot the kid out of your bed!! You sleep on the couch? Wtf!!!??!! Tonight, tonight you boot him and his daughter out of YOUR bed and they can sleep on the couch. No wonder he doesn't care, he experiences no discomfort. Boot his ass tonight.
Get mini wife a new bed tomorrow. Stop this nonsense now!!
His ex has a right to see HER child. Why does he not want ex to see the kid? Is this guy stupid? Since when does his daughter need saving from her own mother?? Ask him to get some perspective on the issue because it is immature and his knight rescuing the poor princess act is pathetic and damaging to how he raises this child and his relationship with you.
Demand that he parents his child because you already are dealing with him behaving like a child... If he fails to parent her, tell him you will NOT compromise how you want things in your house. Tell her too. Toys are played with in a specific area. When done, they are packed away. If not, let there be consequences, throw the toys in the bin!! This kid needs TABLE manners. Eat at a table and not like an animal standing at a trough!!
With a baby on the way you don't have time for this crap. Who the hell does? Ask these two to tow the line or show them consequences. How many kids do you want to look after: SD and your DH??!! Raising a kid is hard enough, a stepkid harder, but an adult behaving like a kid is just too much!! Hell no, stop this shit ASAP!
Your DH is acting like he is
Your DH is acting like he is because he is too scared of offending her. You need to make sure he is more afraid of offending YOU!
That is the dumbbest thing
That is the dumbbest thing uttered in at least 5 seconds. Marriage through fear? Go see a shrink. Nikki, this lady is crazy. Truthfully, his shit needs to stop, but it is a hard road. A lot of what he does is probably guilt driven. Address the guilt, support his fight for custody, and put your foot down about the bed and baby talk.
BTW - Best advice ever for people on this sight. Straight from the mouth of many a marriage counselor. Your relationship with your stepchild is yours. If your spouse steps in and is always trying to 'help' you, then make them stop. Nicely. Go to counselling if necessary. If that doesn't work, then your marriage probably won't either. Not being pessimistic, just real.
Goo lucnk
He had always talked badly
He had always talked badly about her bio mom because she didn't actively take part in raising her daughter those first 3 years, he was sharing custody with his BM's mother (who he also talked badly about). I'll admit I thought his daughter was cute and I loved her and it felt like if we were to eventually end up married, we'd be a perfect Brady-bunch blended family. I figured if her mother was so awful, then I'd be willing to step in and play supermom to this girl. Well, over time, I learned more and more about her bio mother. The reason she didn't actively have her daughter those first 3 years and had the child's grandmother taking care of her was because she moved away to go to college. She got a DEGREE, which in my eyes is smart! Finish school while the child is so young so you can give them a great future. Yet my husband said "It doesn't matter what she was doing, the fact is that she CHOSE not to be there for her. My daughter needed a mother and hers wasn't there. BM's wants and dreams should have been put on hold from the day my daughter was born!" He continues to make his BM look like this awful person and as of today, she's taking him to court because she is trying to get a bigger portion of shared custody of her daughter. Which I also think is a good thing! (IF SHE DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER DAUGHTER WHY WOULD SHE BE TRYING TO GET HER??) I know his daughter loves her mom because when she's here she always wants to call her mom and visit her mom. When we call her during her visits with her, they are always doing something fun. I know her mother may not "have been there for her since day 1" like he has, but she's actively trying to now, can he really condemn her for that?
Every time I bring up
Every time I bring up something I don't like that either he or she is doing around here, I get treated like the damn devil. "You only talk to her when you're telling her to clean up" "she's just a kid, kids make messes". It's always this, that and the other and the reason is "she'll hate me and want to go live with her mom". You guys, she ruined my HOME DECOR in the living room, I got SO upset because we've been spending so much money trying to make this place feel like a real home, and he went in the living room and explained to her that he was angry for the mess and that she needed to help clean it up and keep our home clean and of course she gave him the crying spell and said "I want to go home to my mommy"....That made him come CRYING, TEARS AND ALL to ME. He got angry with ME. Because before I came along, she NEVER said that to him. Imagine how awful I felt/ still feel. I don't want him upset but I don't want that brat destroying my home that I'm spending so much time fixing and cleaning and decorating and trying to prepare for my baby and I can't even do that properly because she's here....*rips hair out*
And at that, the new job he's
And at that, the new job he's taking up next week is a job that will send him away from home for a week, back home for four days, back out another week, etc. If come his court date they give HIM the right to keep her this fall like he wants instead of just going back to her mom for the school year, I'M going to be left alone with my first child...and her. Great. This sounds insanely selfish....but I just want her to go back with her mom if that's the case. I just want to focus on my baby since he's my first one, and not have to worry about anything else. She has a mom who can take care of her. I don't want to. (even though I married him knowing he had her. I know..I know)
You are in quite a pickle my
You are in quite a pickle my dear. 'Texas64' is right. If it doesn't change soon, it won't change ever. Having said that, I don't think your cause is lost. Nor do I completely agree with your cause. Home Decor will suffer at the hands of children. My grandmother, who was a very unpleasant person, told me that you shouldn't buy nice things until your kids are grown. She was right. It sucks. There it is. Stickle furniture is not kid friendly. You will pull your hair out and end up being a harpy. Accept it and your life will be much easier. Your choice.
As for the tantrums, she is manipulating the situation. She has wants and knows how to get them.
PS - And until the step-child is our-child, you become part of the problem.
lmao. It took a vacation
lmao. It took a vacation believe it or not. Can't even sleep with my own damn husband.
Sounds suspiciously like this
Sounds suspiciously like this guy's first marriage broke up somewhat due to his unreasonable expectations of the wife. He seems to think a woman is a My-Spawn-Life-Support-System and nothing more. The BM probably would have been happy to raise her child with his help AND go to college. Young women do it all the time. My guess is he gave her some ultimatums and she became afraid for her future and their ability to behave as a team fell apart. So she probably gave in to some bullying and went off to make sure she was independent from him, knowing the child was generally in good hands, and she'd be in a much stronger position when she came back to provide for her child and to face off with him.
This man sounds very controlling.
Undoubtedly you love him and see that he has some really great qualities so you are motivated to work things out with him. FWIW, my SD15 has all her life had a mostly distant relationship with her BM because of the BM's natural emotional deadness. Nevertheless, the girl NEEDS her mother. We notice that when we give her an extra weekend with her mom, the kid we get the next weekend is calmer and less hostile. Undoubtedly your SD needs hers, too.
Tell your DH no matter how much he wants to keep his "baby" inside a crystal case, she is not a Fabrege' egg, she is a living, growing human on the long struggle toward adulthood and independence. If he REALLY loves her, he will support that journey and teach her the habits and skills she needs to cope with the WORLD. If he wants to create a person with severe Social Anxiety, make sure the only person she knows how to deal with is Daddy. Also tell him if he never wanted a kid yelling something angry at him, he should not have become a father.
Please be sure to make your marriage a priority, even if he is not at this time, because this whole Dark Forest of Step Hell is a very dangerous place for romantic love. I assume you don't want to be a single mother by the time your son is born. It's a hard road through the Dark Forest, so take care. Remind yourself that if you leave him, your son will end up alone with Baby Big Sister and Duddddy on a regular basis so single motherhood may get YOU away from the warped little girl but it won't get YOUR child away from her.
I do wish you luck with this.
Your DH is acting like he is
Your DH is acting like he is because he is too scared of offending her. You need to make sure he is more afraid of offending YOU!
Your DH is acting like he is
Your DH is acting like he is because he is too scared of offending her. You need to make sure he is more afraid of offending YOU!
Sounds like my house
Sounds like my house
According to Freud and
According to Freud and others, part of "normal" growth and development of little girls involves her falling "in love" with her daddy BUT learning she CANNOT COMPETE with her mother (or in this instance, her stepmother) so she begins to identify with her mother and develops in an appropriate way toward her father and other men. (Reverse Oedipus Complex/Electra Complex)
My theory is that many of these little girls develop Mini-Wife Syndrome because they do NOT complete this stage of their development correctly. Instead of learning that they cannot compete with the woman in their Dad's lives, they learn they CAN. It is neither healthy for the child nor the adults involved.
Sounds like this little girl is well on her way toward being the Mini-Wife from hell. I wish you the best of luck.
Sigh. To PP, I know home
Sigh. To PP, I know home decor will suffer at the hands of children. I would have been MUCH more forgiving and possibly have just laughed at the matter IF she was young enough to not understand WHY that was wrong. But we've told her time and time again, anything that is not one of her toys is not to be touched. Yet even after being told repeatedly, my things were still destroyed. She may be a child, but she is old enough to freaking listen, there is no excuse anymore.
And I am even MORE furious
And I am even MORE furious after the events of today. Her mother is here in town and she was supposed to be taking her for a week but because of her work schedule she can't take her until next weekend. *Cringing because I have to wait another 7 days*, so she is just spending the night with her mom and then coming back to us tomorrow (joy)... BUT I'm MAD because my husband had court papers that he had to give to her mom and we were in the car and (note I am not the brightest when it comes to anything court related, I've never had anything to do with court-related things), he says "When we get to her grandma's, you have to go give these papers to her mom, I'm not allowed to serve them, someone else has to." Now of course I thought he was serious because of his tone and I didn't bother to think "then why would he even give him those papers", and naturally I got really defensive because I've never said one word to his BM, and I prefer to keep it that way.I snapped back with "What? No. I'm not giving her anything. This is your business. You leave me out of anything to do with you guys." And then he jumps in saying that he was just kidding, followed by getting angry with me, saying "And she is my daughter, you married me, therefore SHE is YOUR business too. You know you still haven't changed your attitude towards her, you just lay on the couch all day and ignore her. When you could be playing dolls with her or going to lay on the trampoline with her." I got angry back but just stayed quiet because she was literally right there in the back seat. But I did say "I married you to become your wife, not your freaking mediator between you and your BM." And of course he said, "Well then I think you need to go ask my mom about what a real marriage is" (Because his mom was and still is apparently a "Super step-mom" to about 3 kids). And I told him I don't want to go running around the house playing with his daughter. 1. Because he never plays with her. 2. I am not her friend, or sibling, I am her fathers wife. 3. I am 8 months pregnant, it's 90 degrees outside, and almost the same inside because we have NO EFFING A.C. AT THE MOMENT, So yes, all I fucking want to do is stay still and take it easy. But he said I'm just giving him "every excuse in the book". I'm fuming, I feel like my marriage is going to fail already and we're only a month and a half in. Guess I should just take my baby and run now :/ I sure as hell would never expect someone to take on full parenting responsibilities for my child from a previous relationship. It's not their responsibility.
I also dislike how he went
I also dislike how he went from just having her call me Nikki to having her address me as "Mumma Nikki" all of a sudden?? Am I the only one that thinks he shouldn't be putting this on me?? And then he thinks every damn thing that child does is oh so cute, so he's always saying "Aww look at our girl". It just makes me so mad. She is not OUR girl. She is HIS. I did not create that child. When she was staying with her bio mom and her bio mom's boyfriend for a short period of time, I guess they address each other as "mommy bear, daddy bear and baby bear". Ever since my husband has found this out, now he has this stupid shit in our house, saying "I'm daddy boo, Mumma Nikki is mommy boo, and you're our baby boo." ......................I have never cringed harder at such stupidity in my entire life. I'm ready to run. Actually, better yet, just kill me now.
Hahaha ughhh at least I'm not
Hahaha ughhh at least I'm not the only one who thinks his relationship with his daughter is a bit much. The list just goes on and on about things that are making me angry. There's no set bedtime for her, when he tells her "it's time for bed", it's between midnight and 2 a.m., He will let her go a week without a bath, she's always whining "duddyyyy, I'm hungwy" (because 1. she can't fricken speak properly and 2. She ALWAYS wastes her food.), she forgets to wipe 90% of the time so I'm cleaning shit stains off of panties then hear "dudddyyyy my panties are still brownnnnn" AFTER I'VE WASHED THEM. *Cringing*. LIKE C'MON GUYS, I KNOW SHE'S 5 BUT A LINE MUST BE DRAWN SOMEWHERE, HOW DO I ADDRESS ALL OF THIS CRAP WITHOUT HIM GETTING MAD AT ME. I don't MEAN to make him out to look like a bad parent since he has so much pride in the fact that "he raised her alone the first 3 years", but I feel as if a lot has been overlooked!
Ugh. She stayed with her mom
Ugh. She stayed with her mom last night and not coming back for a few more hours, I was trying to cuddle my husband and have some nice alone time, he whips out his damn phone and starts texting BM, telling me "I want my baby back. I had a shitty sleep last night". Would it be wrong me to just blurt out "you do realize you need to get her a bed of her own within the next 8 weeks".
At this point I don't even want to put my newborn's bassinet in here when he comes. Why can't this just be OUR room. I'm sure as hell not sharing a bed my whole life.
yeah because he wanted his
yeah because he wanted his fucking 5 year old wife back, his "sleeps are just no good without babygirlsh cuddos".... :sick:
Good news, I only have to put
Good news, I only have to put up with her this week, she'll be with her mom next week, we'll get her for 1 more week after that and then she'll be with her mom come august. And then his court date is for the 5 of august And i'm prayyyyiiinnnngggggg she'll be staying with her mom after that for the school year. Not to sound selfish but August and September are going to be "Me" months. Last month to prepare for my little one and he'll be here come September
Fingers, legs and toes crossed.
ew!!! Nikki how can you stand
ew!!! Nikki how can you stand having her in your bed?? I would be so grossed out if my fiance tried to have his son in bed with us. My boobs are always popping out of my stupid nightgown or my butt out, im a ridiculous sleeper and think I'm swimming a marathon......how on earth??? Are you in sweatpants and a tshirt?? I'll wake up with my entire nightgown twisted to my back lol! I don't know how you do it, I would have walked out once I found out futureDH sleeps with his kid, yuck yuck!!!
Of course I realize that its different if they are young, and totally different if they are your kid but I could never sleep in a bed with his son, I would rather drown in my fish tank! If/when I have kids, I could never have them in my bed because I am such a thrasher at night, it wouldn't be safe.
HAHA well I've been sleeping
HAHA well I've been sleeping on the couch since I've moved in because he hasn't bought the damn girl a bed of her own. No worries what I wear lol.
I try...I can only get away
I try...I can only get away with so many days of disengaging before it brings up an argument. Or he says "Give mumma Nikki loves" so the little brat hangs all over me just to please her daddy. Ughhhh. I wanna be left alonnnneeeee.
Yeah sorry my SD is 3 stb4
Yeah sorry my SD is 3 stb4 and if she or my partner did some of the things youve mentioned above I'd go mad.
When I first moved in my SD was 2, some mornings she would come into our room and sleep with us for a few hours, however we put a stop to that as I didnt like it.
Ofcourse given her age she is sometimes a bit whiny but for the most part she has learnt all that baby talking gets her nowhere with me. That being said I have the full support of my partner, so if theres an aspect of her behaviour that we want to change we talk about it and set out agreements on how to handle it.
I cannot imagine how difficult and frustrating it must be to handle this without your partners support and sorry but the fact that you are sleeping on the couch is a big red flag for me. Who is he in a relationship with? You or his daughter?
I wonder whether the fact you are expecting is contributing to his behaviour, but he needs a swift kick up the ass
Totally agree that your
Totally agree that your problem is DH, not SD. What have you done about him? Have you taken any of the advice offered so far? Did you make him sleep on the couch? Wash her clothes?
The thing is, he doesn't see any reason to change. So he won't, until you MAKE him see a reason to change, and that means making this uncomfortable and/or difficult for him. And he's going to be pissy about it, but you've got to stand your ground or this will be your whole life. You get that, right? That if you - YOU!!! - allow this to continue that your whole life is just going to be... this.
So, unless you actually WANT this to be your life, YOU need to change. (Let that sink in - you have to change. You can't change him, you can't change her, you can only change YOU. Learn it, live it, love it.) Since your DH certainly doesn't seem to be sticking up for you, that means you have to do it. You do not sleep on the couch - he does. You do not do her laundry. You do not fix her special snacks. You do not watch her while he's at work. And if he questions that, you tell him flat out that you are NOT the cook, the maid, or the babysitter with benefits. So far, he's been dictating the terms of the conversation by telling you what you're "supposed" to do, say, or feel. That stops NOW. See a therapist if you need help with this (go alone, even if you guys do marriage counseling together), but you have GOT to make some changes to your attitude and stop allowing him to treat you so badly.
You could always try to give
You could always try to give her rewards and treats for when she acts like a big girl instead of a whiny brat. When SS2 comes back from BMs he whines about EVERYTHING at first but then I remind him that babies, babies have to take naps and don't get to play with cool toys, go to the water park and such as that. He gets really excited that he can do all these things because he's "big" and usually only gets whiny when BM calls to guilt trip him into missing her. She needs to understand that being a big kid will get her more attention/appreciation than acting like a baby. I think its all about the attention.
As for your husband and his mini-wife issues I don't have any advice for that because I don't have a mini-wife to deal with