Yes.

Like Evil3, I couldn’t stand how skid was being raised as well - especially how she was catered to when it came to food and mealtime.

I will NEVER forget the lunches BM packed for skid. You see, BM didn’t like the lunches DH made and sent skid to school with on his nights. So, BM started sending the following day’s lunch with her to our house. It was comical what was inside. We always subbed and added healthy foods. But, inside BM’s lunch for skid, 6 at the time, was:

3 juice boxes
2 packs of crackers and cheese
3 small packs of gummies
1 breakfast or granola bar
Maybe a meat stick and string cheese

It was utterly ridiculous. Most evenings BM bought skid fast food for dinner. She’d also pick it up on the way over. We’d throw it in the trash once skid was inside. Weirdly, she didn’t care that we did. She just wouldn’t eat, or pick at what DH made her.

So, obviously skid is horribly sheltered and picky when it comes to food. Still at 11 years old. I feed our two young children how we eat. Skid will sit there and make comments in front of our toddlers like “Ew, what is DD4 eating? Does she like it?” thinking she’s being cute and funny.

“Well, skid, yes she does. She’s having steamed broccoli, marinated baked tofu, hummus and crackers, and sliced apple.” It’s ALL quite good. Would you like some?

She turns up her nose.

I just do my own thing with my bios. I do not cater to, nor listen to, skid’s pickiness. With DH being a chef, he thankfully deals with skid all on his own. She either eats what we’re having while she’s here over visitation, or she goes hungry. I’m really not worried about our children being swayed because of how skid is. My bios see my enthusiasm about eating real food, and witness me eating well along side of them.

I think it’s a valid concern to have, but in my experience it generally works out in your favor, not swaying your bio(s) to the dark side.

I behave differently from my brother and sister, and we were raised by the same parents. My SBro and I behave most similarly and we never once lived together.

Each kid is going to be different and need different discipline/rewards. It used to irk me to no end that my brother got rewards to do things my parents wanted him to do whereas I got punished if I did something wrong. However, punishment didn't work for my brother and it didn't change his behavior. It was pointless to punish him, so he got treated differently to ensure similar results in behavior.

Your SD and BS share a father. The likelihood is that HE isn't going to parent them much differently since he is the FT CP to SD now (I'd think differently if he were the EOWE NCP). Your SD needs therapy IMO, and your DH needs parenting classes. I think you're treading on thin ice with your SD and are about to jump into the disengagement/hatred pool because you can't resolve your own feelings about being a mother with being a SM. I have concerns for you that you're going to become too enmeshed with your BS and start parenting/resenting your DH if things don't change. You are on a collision course toward GUBM land and your DH is heading off to Disney Dad World in response.

Your SD needs the RIGHT attention to get REAL results. Your DH needs to step up to the plate for his daughter. Have you considered taking your job up on their offer? I really think putting your DH squarely in the middle of this mess and you stepping out of it for a few hours a week will be golden.

My almost 2 year old already picks up after himself better than the teen skids ever did. So there's that.

I was very successful raising my biokids to be respectful well-behaved children despite SD.

DH was very obsessed with bioparenting vs. stepparenting. He felt since I wasn't SD's bio mom that I was less of a person, didn't have to be respected; she didn't have to do what I said. I had no say in her upbringing even tho she was fulltime in our house. I couldn't do anything without asking DH's permission first. I was just an unpaid nanny. He would say I wasn't "her real mom". So I finally disengaged and let him raise her his way and it was really pretty bad.

but since I was our children's biomom, he couldn't pull that same stunt. I was with our children from the start, raised them the way children should be raised with respect, discipline and love. He couldn't interfere with how I raised our kids like he did with SD.

At first, it was difficult on my children to see SD get away with the bad things she did; it was like having 2 separate families under the same roof. But as they got older and started to see the dynamics, they came to see what dysfunctional relationship there was between DH and SD. My kids are pretty perceptive and they were both determined not to be like her.

At 18, SD had 2 abortions, was hanging with criminals, sneaking out of the house, wrecked a car. At 18, both my kids were honor grads, accepted to good colleges, do a lot of community service and just really wonderful adults.

When DH has made comments about the differences in SD vs biokids, he blames it on BM. He really doesn't see how raising her like a Disney dad and not allowing me to parent her like I did our kids could've made a difference in her.

YES of course.

YEs you can raise your child with manners and respect, even if skid does not have any.......

I think you and DH are way to soft on SD Hon, but by know you should know me and that Mars is totally different from your country..

SD refuse to eat, no problem, go to your room.... SD screaming and shouting, no problem go to your room, or the naughty corner what ever, and DH needs to stop up his parenting