Advice
DH and I have been married for now 11 months, we had a long distance relationship before that, we get along when it come to other things but the arguments never end due to BM gossip and her manipulative ways that DH never wants to admit to, he says it all in my head and that I am jealous, I suggested therapy before but he wouldn’t do it and it was always divorce threats and ultimatums (he’d say things like you either accept this or leave, yet knowing I don’t know anyone around here nor have family in the country), I finally took his divorce offer and my first lawyer appointment is in few days. His daughter (10)and my two boys (12 and 
are now having a better bond than before although she’s getting more manipulative. Now that I decided we gonna be over DH is suggesting maybe having a kid of our own will help (because he thinks I am jealous that BM has a kid with him , which sometimes I am) then again since about 3 months ago DH would not even cum inside me anymore yet I been on birth control (IUD) for 3 years now, because when we once joked about babies his daughter was mad and said he’d never want to have a sibling. Last night DH said BM said she knows I don’t like her and she just wants to be friends and wants to do things together, so he suggested I go with her on a trip or something,so I can give her a chance and see that she’s a good person and that they feel nothing for each other, is that even normal? Last time I tried to be friends she only gossiped about DH and his family and about their past. I am so confused if I should even try or if it’s just a way for DH to distract me from lawyers appointment
Go and see your lawyer
Go and see your lawyer regardless of what your husband is dong/saying. Make an appointment with a therapist for yourself. Do not get pregnant - a baby will change nothing for the better.
You don't have to like BM, you certainly don't have to be chummy with her. Just be civil when you see her. Having read your other post, I wonder whether your husband is actually over his ex ... Why did they divorce?
They dated for about 10 years
They dated for about 10 years and he once cheated, they tried to work it out but he just wanted to end it , according to her she says she didn’t want it to end
Do you have a 3-way marriage
Do you have a 3-way marriage or a 2-way marriage? Unless you are into polygamy, marriages were meant for two people--husband and wife in this case. BM should not be that or so heavily involved in your relationship with your husband. He is YOUR husband. You and your DH are THE couple, husband and wife. BM is his ex-. He and BM are parents, but that should be as far as it goes.
You and your DH should have your life with his children, and BM should have her seperate life with her children. I don't get why anyone would want to go on a vacay with BM, unless it is one of those extremely rare cases where everyone respects each others' role and truly gets along? You cannot control BM. All you can try to control is your husband. You and your husband get to decide if and when you have children. Other children don't get to decide that.
It is a question of treating a spouse like a spouse, children like children and exes like exes. Most problems in step situations are due to a spouse being treated like a child and a child or ex- being treated like a spouse. I get the feeling that is what is going on here. Case in point, your DH can hang out with BM any time he wants, like a spouse; but, if you don't like it, you are being jealous, like a child. As DH's spouse, he should be listening to you and putting you above anything BM might want to interject.
Your DH is letting BM and his child run his marriage, and supposedly you are the one with the problem!? No, you are expecting a 2-way marriage and 1:1 with your DH. Your DH is the one with the problem, a big problem if he even lets his child control his sex life. Not good. Do you want to dedicate your life to being this family's servant or do you want to be the one wife to a real man? If your DH won't change, and it sounds like he thinks he is doing absolutely nothing wrong, then you have three choices: See a counselor, see a lawyer, or get ready to sacrifice your life to someone else's mismanaged divorce.
You are right , this marriage
You are right , this marriage feels like 4some (DH, mini wife, ex gf and wife) , BM tries her best to create conflict and DH family is aware and keep telling him to set boundaries but he won’t nor do therapy, I feel I’ve sacrificed already a lot and now that I want out ,he suddenly want to try fixing, doesn’t seem too right
When my DW said I was jealous
I agreed with her, told her I had reasons for being jealous. And told her the reasons. Jealous that her and First had time to play with each other and not have three kids 24/7. Jealaou of her doing thing with First that she did not want to do,with me. Yes I was jealous, and I had reasons to feel that way
KIDS DO NOT SAVE A MARRIAGE.
KIDS DO NOT SAVE A MARRIAGE. Too many times people have kids thinking it will magiclaly fix everything! Then you know what happens? You're tied to the idiot forever. If you marriage is in shambles like that it's not a place to even consider having a child.
Ignore him and meet with your lawyer. None of this sounds good for your sanity or emotional health, and another baby won't fix anything.
I am starting to think that
I am starting to think that he thinks he can talk me into having a child as a form of control / manipulation , so I can be stuck with him, I am realizing he has never really wanted a divorce and just thought I’d stay with him and accept that behavior, I told him clearly I do not want any kids with him and reminded him he needs to make his daughter happy by not giving her siblings lol
Boundaries with that BM
I think your DH has his signals waaaaay crossed. The opinion he should be going towards is yours not BM's. Once they were through his life became his not hers. It's not necessary to be super chummy with BM's, some are blessed to have great relationships because DH's know how to set boundaries. Those who don't set them end up in a mess. I think it's completely inappropriate to suggest you go away with her. Ick. I am friends with my ex's, ex's. all due to the fact that we have children with him but I don't like them all and wouldn't think of doing that. You are fortuneate enough to be able to end it quickly and find someone else that understands what the commitment to YOU is. I am glad you value yourself enough to say no!