Absolutely disgusting...! Also posted in my blog.
I also posted this in my blog. Looking for good advice.
So dh called Bm the other night to get her to send him a screen shot of ss13 homework. Ss is failing 3 7th grade classes because refuses to hand in homework. Dh has made it know that his weekends are going to be homework and nothing else until his grades are brought up. So Bm tells dh that they also need to discuss a situation she just encountered. She found a pair of her underwear in ss bedroom, she them asked if Midwest stepmom experienced anything go like this. He said no and ended the conversation.
Last night dh took ss back to the drop off location. I decided to go look through ss room. I look under his bed and found a bunch of food wrappers (broke a house rule). Then I saw some wrappers coming out of the wooden slats (he has an ikea bed frame). I lift up the corner and found a pair of my underwear! I text dh and said we need to talk. I to back into the room and lifted more of the mattress up and found my bra! This bra was recently taken, it's one I usally wear and was unable to find it last week.
Dh got home and I freaked out. I don't want ss here, I have a bs9months to think about. I have no idea if these behaviors are the starting point of something. Dh disagreed, we came up with taking him to a therapist and dh will have that awkward talk.
I left the items in his room, right by his door. I want him to walk in and have that stomach falling to the floor feeling.
Dh and I don't want to tell Bm that this has also happened at our house. She made up allegations about me 9 years ago and I don't need her trying to turn anything around.
Has anyone experienced this before? How did you handle this?
I can see why you're grossed
I can see why you're grossed out that SS13 stole your underwear, but I am genuinely perplexed by this:
"I don't want ss here, I have a bs9months to think about."
I just can't figure why a 13 year old stealing your undies would make you think a 9 month old is in danger somehow?
He's 13. He's thinking about sex. It's gross and inappropriate that you (much less his mom!) are remotely part of his thought process (even indirectly), but I don't see that makes him dangerous. Get the kid some counseling, yes, but I wouldn't ban him from the house at this point.
I'm aware I jumped to the
I'm aware I jumped to the extreme on banning him. That's why dh and I talked about a therapist.
When my sister was 5, our 16 year old uncle did in appropriate things to her. I guess it made me jump to that. That ss was going to turn into someone like this.
I went into extreme mommy protection mode.
Ahhhh... totally understand
Ahhhh... totally understand why you got into "protective mommy mode" then! (And I'm so sorry you and your sister had to deal with that in the family, that's horrible!)
I don't think the undie-stealing is all that unusual though, I've seen it posted before, so I really don't think the kid is dangerous to your LO. Glad you and DH could talk about it! A therapist is a good idea.
I WILL say that your DH should come down on him for stealing though! SOME sort of consequence is in order, and also an apology to you.
I don't see a need for
I don't see a need for banning him from the house at this point, and I don't see him as being harmful to your son either. When we were kids the teenage boys would grap moms victoria secret catolog or dads sports illistrated swim suit edition. Truth is we don't have those anymore. I know it really gross to think about your ss grabbing your own undies but I don't think he's thinking of you or mom while looking at them. Yes his father needs to have "the talk" with him and also a talk about what is appropriate to do and what isn't.
Slimy pervy degenerate; I don't think so.
Hormonal teen; yep.
I don't see how BM could
I don't see how BM could accuse you of anything when SS is snagging her undies too. I actually think she needs to know that her son is snagging female undies from what ever opportunity he gets his hands on. That what she found in her home was not a one time thing.
So how did the discussion between Dad and Mom go when DH dropped the kid off? What were BM's suggestions on how they deal with this...or is she just expecting Dad to handle it because it's a guy thing? Did BM talk to her son when she discovered her undies in his room?
I asked my dh to follow up on
I asked my dh to follow up on this earlier today. He texted Bm and she said that they are going to be discussing it tonight.
Just saying... Did BM call
Just saying...
Did BM call because he had her panties, or did BM just say they were hers...so maybe SM should see if things are missing too...
I mean...its his mom's....GROSS!
Are you sure he didn't take 2 of your panties and bring a set to moms...???
Just a thought, and that was why BM said, "have SM check her stuff" because it was actually your panties at BM's?
I have so many pairs of
I have so many pairs of underwear. I would have not idea if some were missing. Bm said they were hers. She wears a 2xl and I a medium, can really get them mixed up.
Yeah, I don't really give a
Yeah, I don't really give a shit if SS is considered "cool" because he stole some undies. This behavior is disgusting and it needs to stop.
We've decided to focus the
We've decided to focus the punishment on stealing. Obviously Bm and I have to throw away our garments. Dh decided that ss will have to take in some of his new vidoe game and sell them and give us the money. Vidoe games are his life it seems and he just got these games for Christmas, so it's really going to hit home with him.
Dh will have the "talk" with ss about what is appropriate and what is not. And NO we will not be supplying him with any "materials".