Oh this is sure to be an interesting thread LOL

I don't like BM because...well in a general sense, she is a lazy parent that doesn't want to parent so she puts everything on SO's shoulders. Instead of taking responsibility for her offspring that she wanted (SO said he would have been fine with not having any kids, but because she couldn't work, she decided that she wanted to be a sahm like all her friends instead and talked SO into it) she realized how hard it is as a single mom (even though she was the one who initiated the divorce as well) and wants SO to do all the work for her, no matter how it affects him, his job or our relationship.

In addition to all of that, she has talked down about me, is very insecure (can't keep a boyfriend) and also has had previous problems keeping a job due to her drinking and picking of bad men.

Now that the SK's are older, and no more CS is being paid, I don't think about her too much unless SHE intrudes on my life.

Putting aside the fact that she was married to DH and had 2 kids with him, if I were to meet her in any other situation I probably wouldn't join her for a beer after work... not the kind of person I would choose to be friends with.

Early in the relationship, she did all of the usual things - try to make DH "choose" between her and me, interfere in DH's parenting time, attempt to interfere in our relationship using both herself and her children. As the story goes, she left DH for greener pastures almost 7 years prior to me meeting him, and had just recently gotten remarried, but looked pathetic in her attempts to maintain a hold on him.

Now there's no need to be around her, at least until the SK's get married or whatever (if I'm even invited, har har). She can't target DH for being a deadbeat dad who spent all the time he could with his kids, paid a lot of CS, and then paid for lots of things above and beyond because she chose not to work and could never afford it. She's turned her evil eye (think: that eye between the towers in Lord of the Rings) towards her kids because in her eyes it's now THEIR turn to support her since she has recused herself from ever having to work for a living like most other people.

After 8 years of marriage, I think DH and I can now "start" our life without her in it.

I don't like BM because of several reasons

1. She doesn't take care of her kids AT ALL. They have no bed time, they don't have to brush teeth, shower, change clothes, or do homework.
2. She doesn't spend CS on the kids. We still have to buy everything. To include sending underwear, toothbrushes and even food to her house.
3. Lack of boundaries when SO and I first started dating. This was SO's fault too
4. She lets SS play video games all day every day even though he is punching kids in school and has F's on his report card.

Oh let's see, where to begin.

I don't like BM because somehow she manages to create shit storm after shit storm but never actually ends up dealing with the consequences herself. She dumps them on other people.

I don't like her because she is an irresponsible mother who does not put SD's interests first in any stretch of the imagination.

I don't like her because keeping a court ordered visitation schedule is too difficult a concept for her to understand.

I also hate her for leaving DH's family destroyed in her wake when she left. That woman did things that made fundamental changes in his family that will likely never be the same again. And that is now what I have to live with...and also why we don't have much to do with DH's family.

I usedto like her, we got along well, we were friendly and she seemed to appreciate all that I did for her kids. But she turned into a monster when her kids treated their dad and me like crap when he was in the hospital for 3 months. SS used it as an opportunity to steal $4500 from my DH bank account and SD visited her dad a whopping one time while hs read posting constant pics of her on vacation with bf, partying etc. DH was in a coma when she visited so never even knew she was there. They aren't kids by the way....26 and 27. When I finally confronted them and she got wind of it.....she went into "my kids can do no wrong mode". They could burn down an orphanage and she'd make excuses, which likely could be that it's DH fault, Everythng is DH fault because don't ya know they're the only kids to go thru an amicable divorce! Which she initiated by the way. I told her off GOOD and wrote her and her kids off and haven't seen or spoken to them in years. Their loss, I did a lot for them and created a happy home for them to have a relationship with their dad. No more, now they meet once in awhile at a diner! No more step mommy here!!

Ps.. she actually said that I had no right to expect her CHILDREN to visit their dad in the hospital, that it was MY job! I was there from am to pm everyday for 3 months! They treated their dad like her was their "hero" before he got sick, whenever they wanted something. But.....their true colors came shining thru when it was THEIR turn to give back a little and show some love and support as any normal, decent adult child would do under similar circumstances!

BM1 is lovely. I have nothing bad to say about her. She and SO were together 8 years, married 4 of those, have 2 kids SD18 and SS16. SS16 is a great kid, SD18 and I used to be close.

BM2 got pregnant a couple months into their relationship, she still claims she didn't know she could get pregnant. She told SO it wasn't his, abused him physically, mentally and emotionally fortheir 9 year relationship. She abused his kids, beat SD18 and made SS16 sleep on the floor, refused to work, cheated on him while he was working and got him put in jail for DV. Yes he hit her, after seeing the pictures I don't blame him.

BM2 tried to destroy our relationship from the beginning. Even got a RO against me so SD13 couldn't be near me. When I got pregnant she refused to let SO see SD13 unless at her home and eventually we broke up and he dated her until our son was born. She wanted him to choose between her and SD13 or me and our son. I didn't care. We mended pur relationship and I encouraged SO to get at least court ordered visitation which wasn't going anywhere until BM2 choked SD13 and SO got emergency custody.

It's been a year since he was granted emergency custody and BM2 has seen SD13 less than 50 days total, she's attempting to PAS her. It works for awhile, long enough for a hearing or for SD13 to talkto a therapist and even get CPS involved. She's messing with her daughter's head and trying to convince her that I'm evil and BM2 and SO would be together if I wasn't around. She tried sending him inappropriate texts and bringing up how wonderful their past was until SO put a stop to it. Now she's upset that I'm pregnant again.

There's too much to list from her crazy. I think my favorite thing is the day DS2 was born she cried to SO and told him she should have had his son and be together. She's still so upset about it lol.

ETA The thing that annoys me the most is she expects me to take care of her child daily and she wants no involvement. Doesn't want her for mother's day either. She acts like MOTY for the courts. She will ignore SD13 for months and she will improve then as it gets closer to court she will take her evey weekend and be soooo fun and awesome. When SD13 spends any time with her she comes back acting like she hates us and we treat her like shit. She's fine after a few days but it drives me nuts. Recently SD13 seems to be seeing how BM2 is though. Hopefully it sticks this time or I'll probably shut her out for good.

BM, how do I hate thee..let me count the ways...lol..Let's see, there was the time when DH and I first started dating that she was just an uber bitch to me, although later, I was told by other BM's that it was because she was trying to find out if I would stick around (or something like that) Then she tried to hit me with her car...i've never been able to forgive her for that one. She always treated me like I was the reason she and DH got divorced..nope, I didn't have anything to do with that. I didn't even meet DH until 3 weeks after his divorce was final. I don't like the way she's always treated DH. It doesn't bother him, but for some reason it bothers me to see him berated by her in front of the skids. She's two faced. She'll play sweet and innocent when she's around certain people, and then turn around and bad mouth those same people to a different group of people, and the other way around. Lastly, and probably the most annoying to me (even though it's slightly petty), is her need to make herself look like MOTY by buying the skids love. She (and yes, I've heard her say these things) is always telling the skids that she's the better parent because she provides them with material items. DH pays a good amount of CS, and doesn't expect a thank you or any sort of acknowledgement for it, because it's the right thing to do, he's just being a parent...but BM on the other hand, has to constantly remind the skids that she's "done everything all by herself" because she's the CP. I guess maybe she's insecure? I guess, just in general BM is a bitch..what makes it harder to kick her out of my life is the fact that we grew up in the same area and have a lot of the same friends..so every bad thing she says about DH or I always gets back to me, whether I want it to or not.

Not much to add because mine sounds very similar to yours. }:)

When we first got together, she tried to act like she was still his wife, and a really jealous wife at that. They hadn't been together for a few years at that point. AND she had asked him to leave when she became prego and told dh that she didn't know who the baby daddy was. :jawdrop:

For YEARS she would try to make him choose, between the "kids" and me. We had bios of our own and we were married at that point, so wtf.

She would text all sorts of mean things to dh. But then she moved on to me personally. I don't want to have anything to do with that woman. I told DH to take care of his business with her. That I do not want her in our lives at all.
She cannot control her emotions and bitterness. I am not going to have a grown woman who absolutely cannot control herself be any influence in our lives.

I have become mostly indifferent to BM. The reason I'm on Steptalk is due to her back when me and DH got together she was psychotic!

For the first few months, I didn't really care about him and his ex that they would grab lunch together with their kids after doctors appointments or take them to the circus - it didn't bother me. But he kept wanting to become more and more serious and have an exclusive relationship with me and talked about the future and the more I cared about him, and I told him we were going no where because "you're still enmeshed with your ex-wife, dude."

If we were on a date or someone tagged us together on FB, his phone would blow UP with messages from her to get his attention away. And then the phone calls that the kids MUST GO TO THE ER right that moment... this happened for weeks until I'm sure the doctors were ready to file charges. She drilled him on if we were using proper birth control. She was asking anyone and everyone who would give her information about me and generally stalking even drilling my then boyfriend. She would call at all hours saying he loved me more than his own kids and he was the worst father that every lived.

#1 - She attempted to PAS the kids all their lives, thankfully, our bond with the Skids was stronger than her attempt.
#2 - She does not take care of her children as a good mother would.
#3 - She spends the CS on herself and not a cent on the Skids.
#3 - She is lazy and entitled.
#4 - She is always scamming the system and for many years scammed my DH till I put a stop to it.
#5 - I just don't like her at all. Period. There is nothing likable about her.

Geez. Well, here goes:

She's a liar
She's a slut
She screams instead of discusses things
She has stolen her best friend's checkbook and forged checks out on her BFF's bank account
She manipulates people into doing what she wants
She screws whomever she can out of money, including taxpayers
She can't stand me even though she's never really met me
She can't handle that the skids might want to have a relationship with their father and/or me
She expects to not have to work
She uses children for money. She fosters a bunch and then has the older ones take care of the younger ones.
She seems to get away with doing all this crap without ever getting caught or having karma catch up to her
She PASed the skids
She threatened the skids to not tell us things
She used the CS money on herself while the skids had ratty clothing and flip flops when it was cold out
All she truly cares about is herself, money and revenge
She didn't want my DH but she sure as hell didn't want ME to have him either!

dumbass is just a blip on my radar, so i feel pretty much indifferent. that being said, i wouldnt piss on her if she was on fire. she's a waste of skin who really needs to pull her head out of her ass and be a MOTHER to her children. see, it irks me for the kids, but as far as actual emotion towards her i'm pretty much blank or just shaking my damn head.

if she was just another person in the community, i would not be friends with her, her personality is just not someone i'd get along with.

if i DID hate her, i'd have plenty of reasons -

- she was a shitty mother, no teaching or helping to grow. she basically used c/s to put shitty-ass prepared, boxed foods on the table, couldnt manage to keep a roof over their heads or the electricity on. but she damn sure had some new brand-name jeans and boots when taxtime came around! with dh's financial support they got basic necessities, but there was no 'mothering' involved in it.

- she's a lazy assed manipulator. she doesnt work, and when she used to 'try', she could never hold down a job for more than a few weeks. but she somehow manipulates things so that she's got a place to sleep, food to eat, and drugs to take.

- so now dh has custody. when she does pop up, it's so obvious how much she favors yss over the others. YES they see this, and YES it hurt them. sadly now they seem to have lost emotion towards it and dont hardly want to talk to her.

- she fought ONLY for visitation of yss, but has yet to exercise it. she doesnt pay child support, doesnt go to any games or practices, and rarely calls anymore now.

- she's a meth-addled, thieving-ass whore-bag with felony warrants out for her.

I got along grear with one BM.

The other one is just someone I never would have liked even I never met exDF. She's needy, insecure, weak and has zero self esteem. Weak women am not the heck out of me.

SHE ABUSED HER KIDS...and is walking around like NOTHING happened.

And left us to clean up the MESS.

I hardly ever thought about the woman at first, honestly. And I did keep an open mind about her.

I went to her house to introduce myself to her so she could see the person who was spending time around her kids. (A parent has every right to know that, right? It seemed like the right thing to do.) It was a pleasant interaction, and I thought she was fine with me. I treated her kids good, and gave her no reason not to like me.

Then she gave me my wedding present: A court summons (for DH, of course) contesting their CO and 50/50 visitation schedule, which had at that time already been in force and apparently acceptable to her for 10 FUCKIN' YEARS.

This lovely document arrived on a Monday, five days before our wedding on Saturday. DH was so upset that we met with our pastor and actually considered postponing the wedding until all that BS was sorted out. We ended up going ahead with it on Saturday and managed to have a wonderful day in spite of what was hanging over our heads.

(The already existing CO and visitation schedule was eventually upheld by the judge, because he could find no reason to justify changing it. Of course.)

Yeah. Nice lady.

I put mine in a top 10 list.

10) Donkeykong is the reason why my DW picked up smoking again.
9) He fights with us over EVERY. LITTLE. THING. It's exhausting. You say "The sky is blue." He'll say "No it's a fish."
He does not believe in compromise. It's his way or the highway.
7) He's violated the CO more times than I can count.
6) Has broken multiple promises he made to SS.
5) Never smiles...Like never ever ever!...All pictures I see of him, he has got the facial expression of a trout.
4) Refuses to pay for anything regarding SS, saying his CS should cover it. The CS he pays is less than $200 a month.
3) Doesn't help SS out with homework or any projects that SS has to do on the weekend. Anything regarding school is solely my and DW's responsibility (Yes he actually wrote that in an email)
2) Is still bitter over the fact that DW won majority custody.
1) Treats SS like personal property rather than as a son.

I wouldn't say I hate the man...I just think he has completely lost sight over what is important.

1) She verbally and physically abused DH
2) she punched me
3) She broke into my house
4) She screamed at the kids in my driveway to open the door to break into my house
5) she got drunk and left SD when she was 3 unattended in the house alone, and when the cops found the child wondering in the street at 2am, she told the cops DH must have kidnapped her and left her in the street so BM would get in trouble.
6) She sent sympathy cards to MIL trashing DH after the divorce, upsetting her.
7) She married an abuser who spent 6 months in prison for abuse who now leaves marks on my SD
She verbally abuses DH if she makes demands for the kids on our time and he doesn't agree.
9) She gets her friends and family to call/text/email DH abusive statements when DH doesn't do what BM wants
10) She stalks my house
11) She isn't happy in her current marriage and keeps trying to have an emotional affair with DH and any other man she finds
12) She is unpredictable, You can't tell if she is going to discuss something with you or lash out and start verbally abusing and punching.
13) She will verbally abuse me and DH on our property in front of the children, scaring them.
14) Her abusive husband has threatened me and DH and our lawyer.
15) I have to have police sit outside my house at night to protect myself from her and her psychotic husband.
16) The children have developed a nervous tick and eating disorder as a result of her verbal abuse on them.
17) The children get punished if they acknowledge us in public and BM is present.
18) She told SD that she should HATE MIL because BM does, and SD repeated it to MIL
19) She has opened up at least 15 accounts in DH's name and committed fraud on our accounts.
20) She carried the insurance and told DH she was paying 165.00 a month for the premium package on the kids, but when SD was hospitalized we found it was a basic package and we now owe 1/2 the 16,000.00 out of pocket minimum because of her lies, and we had been over paying child support because that wasn't the correct premium.
21) She left the kids unattended at a 4th of July party after she got in a fight with her BF at the time and had sexual relations with several guys at the party while her children were left downstairs with a stranger.
22) she showed up drunk at my engagement party admitted the divorce was all her fault to DH and asked for him back, when he said you will find someone right for you like I found someone right for me, she admitted she cheated on her BF several times, right in front of BF's sister!
**** THE MAIN REASONS**** :
HER BOUNDARY ISSUES!

The EMOTIONAL damage she did beating DH down for years that I now get the joy of
1) dealing with and 2) repairing it!
WE have stopped the cycle of abuse, but the clean up will take a lifetime to undo, all because she needed to feel in control of DH.

Lots of reasons although I'm not sitting here hating her now. She doesn't take up space in my mind all the time. Just until she's stirring up some drama and it affects me and then I hate her. And I probably wouldn't hate her if SO would be a man and stand up to her and fight to parent his children. I hope to reach a point where she never ever occupies my thoughts or feelings but a lot of for me is a feeling of loss of control. I can see a train wreck coming down the tracks but I'm always powerless to stop it.

The SD I like has type 1 diabetes. She was sick for a lot of years. She suffered greatly. And I mean greatly in poor health. BM would never ever take her to the doctor. She's really into vitamins and coconut oil. Coconut oil does not cure diabetes. She believes in drinking lots of water. And Chiropractors. So SD went down from 100 lbs to 68 lbs and suffered with headaches and vomitting pretty much everyday and BM would just take her in for spinal adjustments. Even when I figured out what it was she would not listen to me. Neither would SO. He bows to her opinions and she's never right either out of fear or just not wanting to argue with crazy. "I'm sure she's just really thirsty because her sinuses are dried out." It was two years of watching someone I care about suffer needlessly and I cou

She's mean and vindicitive and does lots of other crazy crazy things. But that was the main thing. Its like she has some magic hold and power over him. What she says goes even when she is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Do I need a reason not to like her?

When I was first told about her I felt a bit sorry for her, I thought that here was a poor woman who had dedicated her life to being a SAHM for 3 years and raising their daughter, who then after they split had to try to start to build a life and a career for herself without ever having had any training or anything.

Then I met her....

There are plenty of things that she has done to me, my husband and my SD that I disapprove of. Her lifestyle is not one that I would choose or I would want for SD to emulate.

But for the moment she does not really take up much space in our life. We have moved across country with SD and BM has one weekly call with SD. SD misses her, but doesn't mention her every day. She seems to be coping ok with the move. My husband is happier and less stressful now we are away from her and he says that he doesn't have to think about her as much. I just have to work on myself and stop letting her occupy my brain too.

But I come back to my original question. Do I need a reason to not like her? Some people in life sometimes just rub me up the wrong way. Some of it is the way she acts, some of it is the perceived connection that she has with my husband that I don't share with him and their combined history and my jealousies over that. Some of it is that I am living in a house surrounded by and caring for her 'rejects' her ex husband, her daughter and also her stupid cat and they are all reminders that she exists and I am picking up the pieces of the lives that she rejected. Ok so I may love them, but it still bites that first they were hers and then she rejected them (to one extent or another) and I plain just do not like her.

My reasons have shifted over the years. When DH and I first started dating the reasons were:
- She used SS as a pawn
- Filled his little tiny 1 year old head with terrible lie about DH and I
- She called DH a MILLION times a day.
- She refused to go to work and demanded child support to support her
- She with held DH's custody time when she was mad at him
- She allowed her boy of the week in and out of SS's life.
- She believed SS belonged with her 24/7 and DH was just a sperm donor

10 years later my complaints now are:

- She addicted to pain pills, and who knows what else
- She refuses to work, period.
- She TRIES to fill SS's head with terrible lies about DH and I
- She has inappropriate conversations about DH and I with MIL
- She has no interest in being active in SS's life. (I'm not an active mom, I just play one of Facebook)
- She looks like a crack whore, it is embarrassing not only for SS, but for me when she approaches me in public
- She posts inappropriate things on her instagram, and SS follows her.
- She is labeled a drug seeker at all 3 hospitals in our area.
- Generally a bad person and a horrible "mom"
- She is selfish

Where to start. She is evil (no lie). She is one of those people that go to church and pretends she is a good Christian woman when in reality she is satan's mistress. I hate her mainly for the way she talks to DH. I'm a low key no drama type of person and so I don't approach her and have never talked to her. Every time something doesn't go her way she attacks DH and says he doesn't deserve to be a father. She doesn't parent her children at all. When I first came into their lives DH had a saying "you choose your battles," which is the same as my kids do what they please and bm and I never bothered creating rules or boundaries. DH moved 2 hours away to be with me (pregnant at the time with our son) and she lost her mind and claimed he was abandoning his kids. She is constantly harassing and threatening to go to court for this and that. She plays nice to switch weekends and then when we need to she loses her mind and acts like we hate the kids. She has told the kids that their dad was coming to pick them up because she thought she could get him to switch weekends. My DH is a classical push over type of guy, but since he's been with me she has lost all control over him so now she lashes out and says things to hurt him. To really understand how she is and how crazy she is one would have to read the text message responses when she doesn't get her way. She is older then me but she throws literal tantrums! Seriously she sounds like a spoiled brat that doesn't get her way. I've actually started referring to her as the brat (you can't call a child a b!tch, after all).

Who? BM? Never met her? Only have seen her from a distance on a random holiday when her parents request to see SD. I don't care about her, she is nothing, the only trait I know that I hate about her is she has no interest in being a mother to her daughter and that makes her a piece of low life scum. Other than that....who??

Well...

As a person, she's everything I'm disgusted by. A bottom feeding, sucker of the government teat. Has a litter of children with a bunch of different men. Moves around a lot because she gets evicted. Always the victim. Lies about having cancer, lies about having college degrees, lies about everything.

BUT that's not why I hate her. I'd just never have anything to do with her, I'd never have noticed she existed.

I HATE HER because she duped those guys into "oh, I can't get pregnant" and then "Oh, it's a miracle! I'm pregnant!" (I've heard the stories, the first time it was "oh, I can't have kids" then "that was a miracle, I can never have more" "wow, another baby! what a surprise!" then it was "oh my last pregnancy had so many complications it left me sterile" "wow, another miracle baby!") Yes, I KNOW he was the idiot who had sex with her (as were the others) but I hate that she was out to sucker them in the first place. The men aren't innocent but if these scumbags didn't set out to get knocked up most of these skids wouldn't exist. Sure, there are true accidental pregnancies. It happens. But I firmly believe that most of the time it's only an "accident" on the father's side. Mamma knows damn well what she's doing.

Let's see:
*She's selfish, NCP
*Uses CS for herself and not the skids
*Cheated on every man she's been with (including her current husband)
*Married 5 times, the last 4 times each lasting a year
*PAS's
*Blames DH and me for everything that's wrong with the skids
*Claims SD14 has "daddy issues" because DH is a "bad father"
*Has told the skids DH left her when in reality she cheated on him, left him and married the guy she cheated with
*Lies about every husband she's had and the things they have done
*Financially ruined DH while they were married
*Loves to cause drama (even over things like a hair cut)
*Has lied about me to the skids telling them things like I don't care about SS13's allergies or I care more about my dogs
*She's a major control freak (example: makes SS13 report to her every single little thing he eats)
*Loves to doctor shop until she find one that will agree with anything she says
*Won't get a real job to help pay bills (her poor husband works so much bc he pays for everything)
*Refuses to co-parent or even work with DH on anything (example: refusing to meet half way)
*Telling SD14 that the reason I hate her is because she can get DH back any time she wants.
*Treats DH's family like total shit, especially MIL and FIL.
*OH! And she kicked my dog the last time she was allowed at my home.

I can go on but you get the idea. Oh well, it's life. I'm done letting her annoy me.

BM is speshul and I think what Americans would call trailer trash. She goes completely crazy every 3-4 months, she abuses her child support. She never really wanted Chucky and abused her body for the full 38 weeks she tolerated him in her body. Her actions during pregnancy affect how we all live and treat Chucky now. Chucky is how he is because of her and her lack of parenting or nurturing during and post pregnancy. She can be very cruel. She openly says she never wanted Chucky, she should have aborted him. She won't give him up though. Her first born is her be all and end all. Chucky is her second born and was labelled then forgotten until she was forced to parent him to a tolerable standard. It's a nasty little mess

I hate BM because...

1. She is a junkie
2. She is selfish
3. She sucks at being a "mother"
4. I know more about her daughter's life and personality than she does
5. I will never get the gratitude that I deserve for raising her daughter
6. She is 35 yrs old and doesn't work but is dirt poor and apparently happy that way
7. She has maybe one brain cell
8. Dumb as shit
9. She tries to tell me things about SD that lives with me. Like I don't fkn know.
10. She is a lazy bitch
11. Her live in BF is a junkie also
12. She is a waste of life and a horrible roll model for her daugher

I dislike BM intensely because she is selfish, manipulative, greedy and an absolute bitch.

She left SO when skids were 5 & 6. She took off and partied her brains out and left SO to take care of them. SO discovered that she left him in debt of over $110,000.00. She had control of the budget and was a SAHM - while he worked. Found out she was sending a lot of his earnings to her family overseas.

Came out of the closet and moved in with a 20 something young girl - introduced her to skids whom they had to spend every 2nd weekend with. Relationship was volatile and ended shortly after 2 years. She met her "soul mate" and moved in with her. SO supported her relationship so the skids could accept it and adapt.

Tried to talk SO out of movign in with me. Encouraged SD's nasty attitude of disrespect towards her Dad. Tried to convince SO to live in a home with a spare room "in case SD ever changes her mind about visiting".

Refuses to drop off or pick up SS from our place. Will not correspond with SO abour important decisions (like, taking skids overseas for Xmas) and tries to make SS her messenger.

Has never, ever paid CS to SO during the 5 years he had the skids alone but applied for it immediately after skids moved in with her full time.

Still believes wholeheartedly that SO should be living alone, and catering to her and skids every need.