Fighting with DH- why does he say this????

DH is on call this week for work.

So what happens every time he is on call.

He gets a call in the middle of the night and he is dead asleep and doesnt hear the phone ring. So the phone just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing and then goes to VM so it just keeps beeping and beeping and beeping. And DH is dead asleep and I am trying to wake him up. I HATE being woke up. I'd rather have lunch with BM then be woke up when I am trying to sleep.

So finally DH wakes up and has an attitude because I am pushing him (to wake him up) and talking to him. So now I am annoyed. This is part of your JOB DH.

So he wakes up with an attitude, checks his VM and then turns the TV on and the volume LOUD. I ask him many times to turn the volume down. Now I am PISSED. It's 1am, I have to work in the morning too.

So we are aguring/bitching back and forth at each other and he says "Go yell at your son like that."

He has said this MANY times to me when we are in the middle of an agurment and it pisses me off. Like really pisses me off.

What does my son have to do with anything? He's in his bed, sleeping.

I think DH feels that I shouldnt be yelling at him the way I am yelling. That if I am going to yell at someone like that, I need to do that with BS when he is acting out.

First off- BS rarely acts out. I am not just saying that because he is my kid. But he is just a good kid. And he is a really good kid when DH is around. So it's not like BS acts out when DH is around and DH has to see it/deal with it.

DH also has NOTHING to do with BS's day to day life. I do it all like I am a single mom. So I dont appreciate him trying to tell me how I need to raise my son. Sorry DH but you dont get a say when it's convienent for you or only on the issues/topics that you have a problem with.

I have yelled at BS when its warranted.

I feel like DH is trying to deflect the issues off of him onto BS and it really makes me mad.

And who is he to say "I need to yell at my son".

Um your kids have come into our home and stolen from me and have been really outright disrespectful to me and you have IGNORED it.

I feel that he wants to nit pick at a 9 year old for doing stuff that all kids do. Yeah BS steps out of line at times, but it never goes unaddressed.

Of course I am like "What the fuck does BS have to do with anything."

DH: "Yell at your son like that, not me"

Me: "You need to yell at your kids like that for the shit they do."

DH: "My kids dont live here. I dont ever see my kids." (Oh because they dont come to THIS HOUSE, they dont need to be yelled at for acting out of line. And you do see your kids DH.)

This is one thing that REALLY makes me mad- bringing my BS into our fights.

I just dont understand it.

If he has issues with BS, he can bring them up at the appropiate time. But he never seems to have an issue until I am yelling at him.

I have tried talking to him about it but he just blows it off.

Has me so mad today. He left without saying goodbye---- oh wells.

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I think he reflects onto my

I think he reflects onto my son and it makes me mad. He's 9. Leave him out of it.

Maybe he means that your not

Maybe he means that your not his mother and when you yell at him like you are his mother, he says "Go yell at your son like that"

:? :?

Just guessing

probably

Ugh...zero...I had to learn

Ugh...zero...I had to learn not to yell at a grown man. lol. I used to do it every now and then too. Nothing good comes from yelling at a grown up.

His retaliation for you yelling is to bring your son into it. No good!!

First off...try not to yell anymore at DH. It will be hard but you can do it. lol

And let DH know this... I would totally blind side him this evening. When he gets home tell him the following...

"Dh, you are right and I should apologize. I should not yell at you and I will not yell at you again. However...this means that you do not EVER bring my BS into our arguments. Unless he steals from you or disrespects you, then he is off limits. PERIOD. Now if you just don't like my kid, then we need to discuss it. But the deal is that I will not yell and you leave BS out of our disagreements.
And I assume since you were so mad at me in the first place for waking you up, you need to put your phone on silent at night so it does not wake US up."

JMHO

I agree with what you are

I agree with what you are saying.

It's not like I want to yell at him. But he is soooooo closed off and shuts down at any sign of distress, I end up yelling out of frustration.

But he was being an ass.... with the TV.

Agree! I am going to tell him

Agree! I am going to tell him that.

It sucks because I start stressing like Oh No if he doesnt wake up he is going to get in trouble for not answering the phone. DH is a grown up, He should be more worried about this, then me.

Because they are stupid that

Because they are stupid that is why.... LOL

Yes I know I shouldn't yell.

Yes I know I shouldn't yell. Its not something that happens very often. But when it does its because I'm so fed up and frustrated with DH's lack of communicating with me about the issue.

I'm taking my happy ass to

I'm taking my happy ass to the couch.

lol

Does he yell as well or is it

Does he yell as well or is it more one sided? Is it simply that he doesn't like yelling in general?

I totally agree that he is being completely inconsiderate about getting up. My exH did this as well. He would set the alarm for 3:30am and then think it was fine to hit snooze 5 times. By that time, I was fully awake and couldn't get back to sleep. We had quite a few disagreements about it. DH's new job will also require him to get up about 3 hours earlier than me. I guess I will be finding out how many times he hits snooze.

No he doesnt like yelling. He

No he doesnt like yelling. He shuts down....

I yell out of frustration.

He also doesnt communicate.

He basically just shuts down anytime there is any "issue, drama, etc". Things aren't all sunshine and rainbows, so I am going to shut down.

He's being inconsiderate and its rude. That is why I am so angry.

When he does answer the phone for the middle of the night calls, he will turn the light on in the bedroom, and talk to the person in full regular volume. Like HELLO!

And he knows I have a hard time falling back to sleep.

I am the same way. Can't get

I am the same way. Can't get back to sleep after words.

My exH was exactly like this. Whenever we would start discussing something, he would just go quiet, not say a word. Often he would leave the room. He just wanted to pretend that there were no problems and hoped if he ignored them, they would go away. It was the first thing the marriage counselor called him out on the first time we went. They guy basically told him that he needed to learn how to communicate like an adult.

Every other night I have to

Every other night I have to deal with his snoring that wakes me up. Now I have to deal with his work phone. It's so annoying.

I ended up getting up and

I ended up getting up and going to the couch.

I have also done that times before to avoid an agurement and then he comes out in the living room, right after I fall asleep it seems and then is like Why are you out here??? Come back to bed????

Ummm how about Fuck off!

I hate the sound of an alarm

I hate the sound of an alarm clock so much I won't even set mine. The dogs usually wake me up at 30minutes before I need to get going.

BS's dad used to hit snooze

BS's dad used to hit snooze 500 times. He was always HUNG over, couldnt get up for work. So I would have to stress about him losing his job. So I would have to go up to the bedroom and keep trying to wake him up. I HATED it. Now I am doing it with DH. He isnt waking up and basically doing his job. Again I am being a parent. That is probably why I yell about it.

How about telling him that he

How about telling him that he should be the one taking the couch.

DH and I got into a fight a few months ago and I left and went to a hotel for the night. There was a couple things involved but one was that he was snoring for three straight nights and I couldn't sleep and was sick of going to the couch so I went to a hotel. When we discussed it a couple days later, I told him that these are his problems and he shouldn't be making them mine. Since then he goes to the couch.

He wont go to the couch.....

Every night I am up because of his snoring and he sleeps so hard. And I think he sleeps so hard because he drinks so many beers after work. So I think its an underlying issue for me. Mad I cant sleep because his drunk snoring is keeping me up every night.

Drinking definitely is

Drinking definitely is connected to snoring. DH doesn't snore that often but when he does, it is after he's had a couple drinks.

I'm sorry your DH won't go to the couch.

You are living my life!

You are living my life! (sadly)

Chef goes on call every two to three weeks. The phone goes off in the middle of the night. He may or may not hear it to pick up (sound asleep). He also has no problem drinking the entire week that he's on call. When he does answer the call he loudly blabs at the customer yada yada yada. On the rarity that he actually goes out to the call, yeah it disrupts my sleep but it feels GREAT to have him OUT of the house!

On weeks that he is NOT on call, he'll routinely pick up the phone sometime after 5 p.m. to the co-manager (the one he beat up years ago) and bitch for HOURS about what went on at work that day. Sometimes when I come home, he is blabbing already on the phone and I know it can literally go on for hours, the repetitious cursing where the F word is used about 4 times per sentence.

It is at that point that I disengage and go off to do something that needs to be done. I've told him before that this "shop talk" disrupts dinner, television shows, etc. and I don't like it.