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Update: I'm out!! and.....

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Tue, 10/25/2016 - 7:32pm

So I'm in my own place. It's quiet. It's peaceful and relaxing for sure. I have made the right choice here to leave. In the long run I will be happier and i know this.

BUT in the meantime I feel so sad and in weak moments I do question my choice to leave. Am I really better off?? Or are all you ladies and gents who stuck around better off.. after all you have a family to show for your struggles. This is something I don't have at the current moment.

In my weak moments I wonder if I should have tried harder to deal with this step family dynamic and years of having no control over my life. Giving up control to DH and BM basically and his kids.

Could I have someday been okay with all this... ??

It has only been a couple of weeks so I suppose these thoughts are normal...

I'm gonna give myself a month or so and them I'm going to jump back on the horse and try to maybe date. BUT I will only date someone with grown kids or no kids. I will NEVER date someone who has kids at home. AND i will never date someone who believes that a married couples "kids come first" type of thinking.. NOOO.. if you want to be married your spouse comes 1st period.

Here's a question for you all... What is better.. true co=parenting or parallel parenting? How do you all feel? This was one issue that kept coming up in my own situation..

Comments

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Tue, 10/25/2016 - 7:43pm

Good for you, and do not doubt you are in a better place by putting yourself first and one day somebody will also make YOU a priority; it just takes time, but at least you know what you, who you--want to share your life with...huh?

Yes, if somebody tells you their kids come first..run...fast. And, if you can avoid Skids altogether...you will be happiest. The adult kids, if daughters ,make the little ones look nice. Just read through the adult step children forum and you will see... I am certain there may be a few successes out there somewhere, (none I know of), but 80% of the adult female skids do not like their SM's....so you have little probability of success, really...just saying (stay away from all of it --if you can).

You should be proud of yourself for getting off the hamster wheel. It took a lot of courage and self-respect. It is natural to question sudden change, even if you know it is for the best in your life. But, ahead is your future as well as happier times with more appreciative people.

Go find them, but you can afford to be very picky ....:-)

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Tue, 10/25/2016 - 9:34pm

Having a "family" is highly overrated when the family is a negative drain on your well being.

Having relationships with decent people who truly care about you greatly enhances one's life. Blood or marital ties are not mandatory.

I had some wonderful years (decades) with no husband or children. But I had great friends and a great life.

I truly like my DH (in addition to loving him). I spent tonight with his brother, sister and his sister's husband and son and DIL. We had a wonderful evening. I am so glad these people are in my life because they bring good things not toxic stuff.

Yes we have marital and blood ties - but what binds them to me is love and caring not arbitrary relationships.

ntm's picture

Submitted by ntm on Tue, 10/25/2016 - 9:38pm

I would say go out and have fun with friends, but take some time to get to know who you are without a man. Listen to Shut Up and Drive be a Chely Wright. And Bye Bye Love by Jo Dee Messina.