So my packing is basically done. Tomorrow is the move! I'm suddenly feeling a sense of relief. Although this will be difficult it's best for me in the long run. I'm wondering if I had known 4.5 years ago what I know now, would i have even dated someone with kids?

Just trying to figure out what I have learned about my situation and how I will move forward in my life. I have learned that these step parenting situations are the most unnatural situations and they are NEVER easy. Even if things are perfect at the beginning there will always be countless scenarios that arise that will create conflict. You cannot just blend a family... it's not that easy.

I've been doing a lot of reading here on this site and elsewhere and what seems to be the common theme is that there is a 3rd party in the relationship. The ex wife (or ex husband but usually it's and ex wife.). I'm not sure how you can have a marriage when BM is dictating how things will be in your home, schedules, etc. And it seems like the men in these relationships generally want to "keep the peace" at any cost. It's like they want to keep the relationship in tact with the first wife to keep her pacified. Whatever BM wants can be turned into "for the kids". BM says jump and DH says how high? Keep the BM happy at all costs because if this does not happen it could mean paying out more money or having to deal with an angry ex wife. And if the ex wife is upset then it could potentially be bad for the kids which i don't totally disagree with to some extent.

So where does a new husband /wife fit into all of this.. the answer is a new partner doesn't fit in. I've been reading that somewhere around 70% of all blended families end in divorce. Now I know why. I get it now. With all of these other people thrown into the marital relationship (exes, ex families, kids et etc) it's very difficult I believe especially for men to place a marital relationship 1st. I also think it's hard for me to move on from a failed marriage. Many of them operate on guilt etc etc.

The ONLY way it can work out if if you SO puts your relationship above ALL others. Above the relationship with the ex and at times even his kids. If this does not happen the relationship will fail. It's inevitable. But I wonder why men claim to want a marriage but do not treat their spouses like wives and they don't respect their wives etc? I've read so many stories on this website about this dynamic. It's just unbelievable. In my mind it's a no brainer... but men just don't get if for some reason. Not trying to man hate here.. I just really don't understand men sometimes.

So my conclusion is that I don't believe I will ever date someone with kids again. This is not a dynamic that I feel I can handle nor do I even want to try.

To all of you step parents (men and women) who deal with this dynamic on a daily basis and are continuing on with your relationship and can handle it.... I give you HUGE amounts of credit.. you are all angels..=) Why can you all do it and I can't... ? I wish I can say that I could have dealt with it but I can't ignore how this dynamic makes me feel. I wish I can say that I love him so much that I will handle everything because I love him. But the truth is i love me more.

Perhaps people with small kids should consider not seriously dating until the kids are grown?? I don't think it's right or fair to bring a new partner into this dynamic.

Sorry for all the pessimistic thoughts on blended families.. this is just my rant/vent for the day!! And i know there are good relationships out there but I feel like they happen very rarely in blended families... If you are one of the happy ones be thankful!!

Thanks for reading=)