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Weird.

Willow2010's picture

Does your DH get less attractive to you as you see how bad he parents?

For the last 10ish years it did not bother me, because we were not married and did not live together. He was getting SS EOWeekend. So sometimes there would be many months that I would not even see SS. I knew DH was a guilty parent way back then.

We got married about 2ish years ago and SS came to live with us 10ish months ago. I get to see it first hand now and it is frustrating to see SS raising himself. DH is too scared to do ANYTHING. He almost acts like the boy does not exist unless it is to PRAISE him for things. (he praises him for some of the stupidest stuff!!) That is all DH does.

And now that SS has cut back his work hours to one day a weekend, he is ALWAYS there.

He is failing two classes right now. DH will not even ask what is going on. If he lets SS fail and stay with us another year, I may have to move out. I love my DH so very much, but I need help to disengage from this mess all the way around!!

Comments

Willow2010's picture

We all talk about disengaging from the skids. And I have that down to an art if I say so myself.

Right now my DH makes me feel that he is a big giant scared wuss. I am used to seeing the, take charge, former marine, that is not scared of ANYTHING. Now he acts like some type of coward where SS is concerned. Bleck!

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

OMG- Yes! I can relate. He turns me off when he tries to "parent" his 6 year old as if he is 6 months old! :sick:

It gets worse with time. That's why I am on the Pill. Wink

iwannagoback's picture

Totally... but not because he is wimpy.... he is quite the opposite. He has little to no concern for his children's happiness. He believes that it is his job in life, especially because he believe both BMs (yes, 2 kids, 2 BMs) are "losers," to raise his children to be able to take care of themselves - to be self sufficient, and that while living under his roof, they will always do as they are told.

Although I have my own issues/reasons why I do not particularly like my Skids, when I see him yelling & constantly disciplining skids & making scenes that I want to shield my kids (DD 12, DS 9) from, I am just totally turned off....

Milomom's picture

Willow, yes, absolutely yes.

The less respect he gets from his skids (and especially BM), then less attractive he is to me. Conversely...
The better my BF "parents" his children and keeps his BM drama in-check, the more calm, happy and content he seems to get, the more attractive he is to me.

I find my BF the LEAST attractive overall when he allows skids & BM to treat him like a doormat, which then will sometimes make him frustrated or put him in a bad mood - and he then tries to take it out on ME. NOPE, not having it (and he's not "getting any" either).

skylarksms's picture

How about disappointment that BM and skids get whatever they want with no regard for DH's feelings, while I bear the brunt of his displeasure!

I swear sometimes he treats BM better than me. His favorite word to her is OK, his favorite word to me is NO.

skylarksms's picture

Especially when he was the one who "gave in."

Your daughter wanted to stay home to hang out with her cousin (whom she sees regularly)? Don't get mad at ME because you said OK to that!

Timetogiveup's picture

At times yes.

When SS now 16 was 10 to 12 years old, DH would carry the lard-assed olaf up and/or downstairs. SS usually started to cry and Papa would run to save him. The excuse was that he didn't have that much experience with stair. It made me want to puke. The first this this happened the kid was 10.....we were at an attraction....I walked away from them and didn't speak to DH for the rest of the day. When I did it was WTF is wrong with you.

When he was 11 we went hiking and he laid down and cried....he was scared....DH gace lard-ass a piggyback ride the rest of the way. My dog was a puppy at the time...he even cocked his head and looked at the kid like he was nuts. Again I wanted to puke.

Another we went hiking, there was a huge tree down in the path. SS couldn't get over it....or acted like he couldn't. I sat down and told him that I will stay around until he figured it out. I sat there watching lard-ass cry, his face turned into that demonic shade of red...he laying on the log belly down...kicking his feet. I was trying really hard not to laugh because all the kid had to do was roll a bit and his foot would be on the ground. DH can back from scouting the area to see if olaf could hike it and guess what....saved lard-ass. The tears were flowing...he was 13. Again I wanted to puke.

SS is now 16, recently I almost stabbed DH with a butter knife.....because he was peeling shrimp and feeding them to lard-ass at the dinner table. The excuse was it is too hard to SS to peel his own shrimp!!!!

The kid has all kinds of issues, even the therapist doen't know if his behaviors are natural or learned....learned helplessness. DH thinks he will be going away to college I think he will be going away to somesort of halfway house.

Elizabeth's picture

OK, I wasn't going to respond but some of you took me back to the "good old days." DH was still carrying SD on his shoulders when she was 8 and weighed, I kid you not, right around 100 pounds. Seriously!? He hasn't carried OUR BD on his shoulders since she was 4 and he told her she was "too heavy." She's 7 now and weighs 50 pounds. Um, OK. It used to drive me crazy back then to see him trying to get SD onto his shoulders. He'd already had two back surgeries at that time...