I have never regret it! The breaking point was when I knew I was better off by myself and still unhappy. Rather then being with him and he made me unhappy. I learned that I can do ANYTHING by myself. Buy a house for my 4 children, buy a car, start up my own business, take care of the lawn and take out the trash.....(which I never thought I'd ever be able to do). I was unhappy for awhile in a good way. I made sure that I did not jump into the arms of another man for a long time. I was single for 7 years before I remarried. That was the best thing for me. I needed to take care of my children and myself!

I don't think you ever know while you're doing it if it's the right decision. If you'll ever be happy. My decision to leave my ex (granted, no children involved but still) was the hardest in my life. But I knew I didn't want to live the way I was anymore. And while I didn't know if there was a better life out there for me, I knew I had to give myself the opportunity to see if it was out there. There aren't any guarantees in life, but being miserable just wasn't okay with me anymore and staying in that miserable place just wasn't an option.

I agree- there are so many feelings involved when you are contemplating something like this that you will question if you're doing the right thing because your head and your heart sometimes take a while to be on the same page.

For me, my ex's behavior was horrible for a long time. Once the kids came it only got worse and it wasn't good for me or for them to be there any more.

He broke my heart and I KNOW I did the right thing. I still sometimes miss certain aspects of our relationship, but I would divorce him again in a heartbeat and would never go back.

it took me 22 years to leave him, and I've never looked back. Granted our bio daughter was 18 when I left, so I didn't have small children to look after, just myself and my almost grown daughter, but it was the best decision I've ever made. It was such a relief to be responsible for myself and take care of myself. And if I screwed it up, then I only had myself to blame. I did not go out with anyone for 5 years. Just hung out with girlfriends, my 5 step sons, step grandkids, yes I am still in their lives. Worked on myself, got a better job, paid my bills and was true to myself.

Just my outcome from leaving.

My breaking point came after 5 years of marriage. He was my “first love”. Looking back now I can see the relationship for what it really was. He was an older man (6 years older than me). He was good looking. He paid attention to me and made me feel like the most special person in the world. I was young and still in high school. I was also having issues at home and was unhappy there. All of this combined led me straight into his arms. Someone that paid attention to me and “rescued” me from a bad home life…what could be better?

He was an alcoholic that never wanted to work. He was ALWAYS behind on his child support to his first wife. Do to the fact that he never wanted to work we were living with his parents. It wasn’t so bad the last few years as we lived in the apartment over their garage HOWEVER by that time we had our daughter who was an infant when we moved up there. He wouldn’t stay with her when I worked and wouldn’t stay with her while I took a shower. I either had to get his younger sister upstairs to stay with her so I could shower or wait until she had gone to sleep. I actually had to pay someone to babysit her while I worked on the weekends. RIDICULOUS!

At any rate, I just wanted to set the stage for my epiphany if you will. I had come home from work one afternoon to see him sitting on the couch (which he had just gotten on credit by the way). I asked if he had gotten off of work early and he said No that he quit because his boss wasn’t being very nice to him. WTF???? I knew then it was over (in my mind anyway) but I guess I had to hear it from someone else. I went to see a physiatrist (because they can prescribe medication) and she told me that I was in an unhealthy relationship. Duh… She asked me to go home and ask him if he was willing to come to counseling and see what he said. I did just that and here’s the response I got from him “I’m not going to counseling. I’m not the one that is f***ing crazy…you are”. Believe it or not that didn’t even hurt me…it just confirmed what I had known for a long time. It was time for me to leave. But how? I was a young woman with a 1 ½ year old daughter. How would I make it? It didn’t really matter at that point….getting out to save my sanity was more important.

I spoke with a woman that I worked with and had become very close friends with and she said “I just separated from my husband too. Why don’t you move in with me because I have a big house. You can pay me rent.” So that’s exactly what happened. While d***head was out drinking with his buddies…I got a couple of friends to bring their trucks and come move me out of there and in with her. Needless to say he came home to an empty house. Except for the sectional that he had just gone into debt for.

I just couldn’t take it another minute. So, after 5 years I was free….free to be me and free to be the mother that I should be and not to be so stressed all of the time. It was 5 years before I remarried. I must say that it’s MUCH better the second time around. I’ve always said that I can’t hate him because he played a huge part in me becoming the woman that I am today. He made me more independent and helped me decide exactly what I would and wouldn’t put up with in a relationship.

The bottom line is…you’ll know when you’ve had enough. I hope this helped…at least a little bit.

Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

I left earlier this year -- she had twin 10 year old boys who constantly threw temper tantrums. 2-3 hour temper tantrums and it began to effect my daughter. Her kids exhibited all the classic behavior of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. One of them still carries around a blanket and sucks his thumb. One of them got into an argument with the other about whether an episode of Supernatural was the season finale or not. The othe ropked him and a 3 hour screaming fit ensued -- I went through this week in and week out for three years. Most of the time I was the object of the screaming -- that I would have to leave; that I shouldn't be there; that I was ruining their lives etc. I told the ex (I had said it before) that she was allowing them to run the household and that wasn't right. She threw me and my daughter out of the house. (We moved into her house three years ago.)

We tried to date for some time, but the kids behavior stayed the same. We went to counseling sessions -- for us, but she wouldn't have the kids go for the behavior issues they had. We broke up because her kids behavior began to effect my daughter. We broke up because her values of what being a parent were became so much different than mine. If your kids are sick, you get them help.

It hurt and it sucksed -- I got to going back to the gym and started doing some of the things I used to like to do. Funny, I realized that I allowed myself to stop doing what I used to enjoy doing. That family became my whole focus, but there wasn't reciprocity. I cared about her kids, but she didn't care about my daughter.

This all happened in May. In August we stopped talking to each other totally. Last week my ex wife and I found out that Katie had to have emergency surgery -- we had four days notice. My twelve year old daughter had vision problems for over a year before me and my ex gf broke up -- and my scared twelve year old daughter sent a text message to my ex gf. After all, the ex gf was in the step mother role for three years. The ex gf never acknowledged my daughters text message -- either the one when Katie found out she was going to have to have surgery or the one when she finished surgery.

There is a reason why people are our exs -- sometimes we make mistakes in relationships. Step parents can be good people, and they can be bad people. Allowing her children to continually engage in behavior which is not good for them and not seeking help for them; continually allowing her children's dysfunctional behavior to hurt my child and then to intentionally hurt a 12 year old who looked up to her.

I am better off being out of that relationship. I learned that the phrase is not "To put your children first" but to "put your children's welfare first." Yes, love is worth the sacrifice, but it has to be returned. Kids can have a hard time adjusting, but respect has to be present in a relationship. Between the couple and between the rest of the family members.

I tried in the relationship and I would have tried again. I think being a step parent can be rewarding and be a happy experience. I enjoy this site and the hope and support it gives -- the hope and support it gave me. Long term, things will be okay.

Kevin

I met my first husband when I was 19; he had just turned 28. I knew nothing about him but it was love at first sight and I knew this was the man I was going to marry. Four years later we did marry and the first few years were great. Then things started falling apart.

He was so wrapped up in other things and forgot that I was there. I don't think I even made his "Top Ten" list. We tried counselling at about year 7 but after a few sessions he griped about how much it cost him, so we quit going. Then he turned around and bought a new car. I guess the car was more important than our marriage.

I threw myself into schooling and established a career. At year 14 I told him that I wanted a separation, that we needed some time apart and try to work on getting our marriage back on track. We went to counselling again. This time, though, the best I can say is that he went. He still didn't get it.

After a year of separation we divorced. It was the hardest time of my life, but staying with him when I was so unhappy gave me panic attacks and I knew that if I stayed I would die. So we divorced and I moved out of state. It was too hard staying there knowing he didn't want me, that I was so unimportant to him.

Four years later I finally called him up and told him I still loved him. We started dating again, long distance at first, then I made arrangements to move back to town. He kept sending me mixed messages but I hung in there cause I had to see where this was going. In the end I could at least say that I did my best and I tried.

I moved back but once again he put me on the back burner. I only got to see him once every other weekend. Sundays he was too busy doing his laundry. He came up with excuse after excuse as to why he didn't have time for me. I had finally had enough and broke up with him.

Shortly after that I met my now husband. About 4 months into my new relationship my ex called me saying he wanted to get back together. I hadn't heard from him all that time and then he just expected me to come crawling back to him. I wasn't going to be an idiot again.

It was hard because I did still love him, and I guess I always will in a certain way, but not enough to go back to being treated like nothing again. My current husband is a good man, I have so much respect for him and I love him. He lets me know everyday how important I am to him. I am not giving that up for no one!

My ex and I never had any children but in the end it was for the best. Leaving someone you love so much is probably the hardest thing anyone can do. There are so many things that I regret but leaving him is not one of them. When I did leave him so much tension and stress fell off my shoulders. It was a relief.

I left DD's father 13 years ago and while it was extremely difficult at the time, I know it was worth it now! We have what I call a business relationship which works best for all involved!

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

I did some checking tonight. My firms revenue has doubled in the five months compared to last year same time period. Perhaps the constant screaming and troubles effected more than I could have guessed at the time. I am sure the ex gf could care less, while eventually the ex wife will be delighted...

Kevin