Can a narcissist change her stance???

DH finally got a small child support payment today. Medusa is still over 8K in arrears and I have been checking MiSDU religiously looking for the new Income Withholding Order. ASS aged out according to the state of Michigan once he graduated from high school in early June. Per the state, support is paid for the entire month, regardless of when a child turns 18 or graduates, so the new IWO should have been done in early July.

It hasn't been done yet, which I find odd. I texted DH to let him know that a tiny payment had come in. I also mentioned that the IWO still hadn't been changed and that I thought Medusa would be pitching a bitch fit about it...

He texted back "maybe she's afraid of court system by now? She opens her mouth and it costs her..."

His response got me thinking - a la Carrie Bradshaw - can a narc change her stripes? Can a narc just suddenly "get it?"

What do you think??

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No they can't. Where's our

No they can't. Where's our ASS update? Is he still bagging? Has he rethought college? How's his stay with Frank going?

There is no ASS update. As

There is no ASS update. As far as we know, he's still bagging. As far as we know, he hasn't rethought college. We do know that Frank's mom told him that he has to be out by August 17th - which is one week before Frank leaves for college.

DH texts him from time to time. ASS doesn't respond. DH can see what ASS is journaling and searching the interwebz for and right now he's concerned about where he will live that is within walking distance of his bagging job. He is also researching the bus routes in MedusaTown.

He has journaled that he has googled Medusa and can't find her.

DH and I were at dinner last night talking about all of this and he said that his prediction is ASS will flounder around for a few years and then figure out that he needs to go to college.

yep - I concur.

At that point, we will offer

At that point, we will offer him the same deal that we offered him this year - we will pay some and he will take out loans/work/save for the rest.

It's the same deal that we will offer to BabyVoice and KarateKid when it's their turn to go to college. It's the same deal that my kids had/have with Asshat and me.

I suspect his answer will be the same then as it was - he didn't "ask to be born" and so "it's DH and WOB's job to pay for me."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

that is a really good

that is a really good question, another. I will have to discuss that with DH.

My thought is that no, it's not an open-ended offer. I think, for me, the offer would be good for a couple of years.

Some kids (ASSholeness notwithstanding) take a little longer than others to figure it out. At 20, I would probably make that offer. At 22? Probably not.

i'd shoot for 21 for two

i'd shoot for 21 for two reasons - 1)legal age of 'full' adulthood, and 2) by 21 he should already have an associate's.

This is a great point!

My DS is going to be 26

My DS is going to be 26 Friday and his NCP still has 8K left in arrears.

Oh yeah, I have every reason

Oh yeah, I have every reason to believe that Medusa will be paying this off long after the last skid graduates from college.

it's taken from her

it's taken from her "paycheck" - she sold her company to another company that did the same thing. As part of her employment agreement, they kept her on the house accounts for two years and then they switched her to eating what she kills.

Since she knows that we (and the Court) know about this "job" and since she also thought that we all thought it was her only source of income, she reduced her income by reducing her sales and commissions.

Because her paycheck cannot be garnished for more than 50%, it comes every 6-8 weeks in bits and drips and drabs.

Nothing is going on right

Nothing is going on right now. The last time she petitioned for a review, I provided FOC with the formation docs for the MedusaResaleCrap Store, photos, business card, etc.....The support specialist took that information and asked Medusa if the store existed (she said no) and then did nothing more - ha!

Of course, we objected to her recommendation to lower the support, and at the hearing, well, you know what happened there because I blogged about it :-0

Once the Referee granted our objections and dismissed her petition, I expected Medusa to object to the Referee's Recommendation to Dismiss and get in front of the Judge.

I was wrong - Medusa hasn't made a peep since then.

Nope. That would be like a

Nope. That would be like a leopard changing her spots. It isn't going to happen.

My guess would be that she doesn't think she needs to do another withholding order, or that someone else will take care of it for her.

It's funny, because back in

It's funny, because back in May, we got a letter (and so did she) that said ASS was aging out and the new numbers would be XYZ.

I have lived through this before, when Thing1 and Thing2 aged out. Asshat didn't have to do anything affirmative, the state sent us both a letter saying "hey, they are about to age out" followed by another letter that said "hey, no more MiSDU for you."

Who knows why it hasn't been done yet. At the rate and manner in which she "pays", BabyVoice will age out before she ever gets caught up, even with the reductions - lol!!

If ASS can't find her, then

If ASS can't find her, then maybe the state can't find her either! LOL

DH and I have joked many times that we better file for changes WAAAAAY before SD (and then SS) age out because Infuriating BM will want to fight them! It's ridiculous!

Oh no, the state knows where

Oh no, the state knows where she is. There is an income withholding order in place, but of course Medusa minimizes her "earnings" - at least the legitimate ones, anyway.

They don't change. They only

They don't change. They only change their actions to play the game. However, they can not do that for very long before their true colors are revealed. then the process starts all over again.

Yep - that's what I am

Yep - that's what I am doing. However, the CP doesn't get to see the IWO under user documents, only the NCP does, which is why we can't see them.

When I click on the IWO link, I can see the amount(s) and the date it was sent, but not to whom it was sent.

I can't understand why she is still silent on this one??? Not that I am complaining - it's been nice to actually just live and not have to collect copious amounts of data or bother my STalk friends to help me locate her assets

If she was a direct pay, I

If she was a direct pay, I would agree with you, but she's not. When she "earns" enough commission, we see some money.

oh yeah, she works the system

oh yeah, she works the system like no other....

We found out through the tiny bit of discovery she provided that her commission checks come once a month. Since she now has total control of her income (she's totally commissioned based now) she simply pours all of her time and efforts into the MedusaCrapResaleStore and no time on her actual job.

Once she realized that we knew about her store, she went and removed herself as the resident agent and substituted one of her "partners."

We were ready to subpoena her "partners", her landlord, her bank records if she objected to the dismissal, but she didn't so we are just keeping our guard up, but letting go of the rope. For now.

NARC's do not and will not

NARC's do not and will not ever change. Period.

Nope, she might be

Nope, she might be preoccupied with something for now but when she does remember she will reign vengeance on you all for not updating her.

NOPE they do not change,

NOPE they do not change, they cant change.

They also would not be interested in changing because they believe NOTHING is wrong with them, it's YOU. YOUR the one who must change, not them.

I suspect she knows how to play the system to stay "just under' the radar to avoid further charges.

Hopefully her IRS tax return is flagged.

we didn't have much

we didn't have much information about her finances until recently. It started when she filed for bankruptcy, I discovered that and we found the sale of her company, as well as the job the purchaser gave her, and filed a motion to modify the child support at that time.

It continued this past go 'round, when we got our hands on her tax returns for the last few years. Both years she got state and federal refunds, and DH never saw a dime of it.

don't feel bad for him,

don't feel bad for him, cocktail.

He isn't finding her out of love or anything else. It's because he needs something from her. He needs a place to live. In true narc fashion, if he didn't need something from her, he wouldn't be looking her up.

Narc apple, meet narc tree...

Change?? Why would SHE

Change?? Why would SHE change?

She isn't the problem, everyone else is the problem!

Right!!! It's not HER fault

Right!!! It's not HER fault that DH's "big city, high priced lawyer, DH and his wife conspired with the Judge to take her children. I mean, any mother would go to the other parent's home in the middle of the night and take a kid from her bed to make sure that she was taking her medicine. It's what a mother does."

Taken directly from her response to the Restraining Order that DH got when she did exactly what I described.