The first thing I want to say is thank you to all the brave women and men who post their intimate stories here. I've been lurking for sometime and if it weren't for this site, I may have given up many times. Not only do I really appreciate not feeling alone anymore when I read about your experiences and feelings that are so close to mine, but I probably even more appreciate those that I can't relate to, that seem so much worse than my own, because it reminds me to count my blessings and appreciate the positive. Not to say I don't have tremendous sympathy for you all in terrible situations - more perspective than schadenfreude.

Now, about ME! I'm 41 and "childfree by choice", as they say. I just never had the "mommy genes", as it were (I also hate "mommy jeans", but that's beside the point). Even from a young age, I didn't like the idea of parenting, going as far as asking my doctor for a tubaligation as soon as I started menstruating. Although I doubt at 12 that I used those words! I also can't bring myself to utter a statement like, "I like kids", because to me, that makes as much sense as saying, "I like adults". I like people who are awesome, and dislike people who are decidedly unawesome - irrespective of age or stature. That said, I still don't want any people - awesome or not - shooting out of my lady parts and being my responsibility til the end of time. Just not for me.

I moved in with my boyfriend (totally awesome) about 2 years ago, and he has two daughters, 13 (pretty awesome) and 10 (occasionally awesome), and an ex-wife (somewhere in the mid-low awesome range). Although we're not married and don't plan to be, I think I'll refer to him as DH for sake of relative clarity. Anyhoo... things are mostly okay but I do lose my shit once in awhile, which is where you helpful, lovely folk come in.

There are many challenges of course, but the main one currently is that BM had to move out of state because she lost her job and it was the only feasible option without regular income. Before that, it was 50/50 - week on and week off in our house and hers, with all expenses split down the middle. DH refuses to let the skids go to school in the "backwards, racist state" she moved to (his words) so they are now with us full time and BM pays a flat rate every month for them (incidentally, there is no CO for any of this, it's all verbal agreements, which has worked okay for them). Allegedly, this is temporary and she will move back as soon as she can. Initially this was Thanksgiving. That of course came and went with no movement. Let's just say the lady has a few problems: money management, motivation, decision making, to name a few.

Again... just not into parenting and DH knows and accepts that, so now I am relating to these two not-so-little pretty/occasionally awesome people as roommates. Roommates who leave shit everywhere, eat anything and everything they want, make messes, whine about chores, lie about culpability, and are lazy as the day is long. What am I... back in college?

I know this is pre-teen behavior, and I swallow it much of the time; but it was much more tolerable when it was only a week at a time. Some other struggles of varying concern:

1. I much prefer SD13 to SD10. Although SD13 is probably the laziest person I have ever encountered in my life, she's witty, goofy, and laid back. SD10 is a know-it-all who often lies incredulously, behaves like a brat when she doesn't get what she wants, and doesn't mind her business. I have little patience for her and I'm sure it shows.
2. DH lost his job last year and I have been footing his portion of expenses. Although I am grateful that I am in a position to do this, and I would really rather he not take *any* job so he won't be miserable, it causes me some stress as I see my paychecks sucked down the gullets of my "roommates".
3. My disinterest in parenting doesn't stop me from having an opinion about how they should be raised in general, or how specific situations should be handled. As a for instance, SD10 is currently in a weeklong punishment for calling DH an asshole (he had the audacity to insist she have a real girl scout polo shirt instead of the sloppy t-shirts she wears) - no TV, no cellphone, no computer, confined to her room except to eat at the kitchen table. So... she sits on the side where she can see the TV we're watching but we can't really see her, and eats reeeeaaaallllllly slowly and/or gets multiple small snacks over an evening. DH seems to be okay with this ploy. Me, I want to pick her up by the scruff and put her back in the room or make her sit at the end of the table where she can't see the TV. It irritates me but I stay out of it because I don't want to be included in other parenting, and I have to accept the trade-off.
4. They have to be told a MILLION times to do/not do things. Why so many times? WHY SO MANY TIMES?? I struggle to recall if I was so forgetful or inattentive at that age. SO MANY TIMES!!
5. SD10 dresses terribly inappropriately for her body type. It's not necessarily unacceptable or age inappropriate, but frankly, she looks terrible. You know when you see women and their clothes just don't fit right, and it is extremely unflattering, and you know if they just changed size or cut they would look a million times better? Yeah, but in a 10 year old. I don't know how to tell her this without risking hurting her feelings... and also when I was a kid I dressed like an asshole, so who am I. Maybe we should do a What Not to Wear marathon.

So that's plenty for now. This is really just an intro, I don't expect any advice or comfort on the above, just laying a path so I can dump all my crap on you from now on. Ha!