Dd's 1st birthday and ss
Just venting again and letting out a big sigh.... So our baby turns one next week!! We are having her party his weekend where our families live. It just so happened that this weekend is NOT an ss weekend. I didn't plan it that way on purpose as my life doesn't revolve around ss. But it was kind of nice that it worked out that way because dd would get to be center of attention for once. (side note- I have a little resentment toward dh because ss started visiting again at te end of my pregnancy with dd. It was at that point that dh kind of lost interest in the baby. He pays less attention to her than even our other 2 bios.) We are also doing it at my parents. I enjoy spending time there because I get a break from my kids as my parents love to spend time with them and give me a break. Basically I can relax. On weekend ss is with us I never relax. I walk on eggshells after the stupid fridge incident. An last weekend we were at my parents ss was with us. My parents noticed my tension.
Anyway, today dh gets an email from bm saying that ss wants to come over this weekend for his sister's party and asked if dh wanted to switch weekends. Sigh.... Dh asked me what to do and I led it up to him so guess who is coming this weekend for my baby's party? I mean really there is nothing we could do. Ss NEVER shows interest in coming over unless he HAS to by tecourt order. If dh said no, then it'd make it seem like dh didn't want him. Dh is already talking about taking ss somewhere after the party...grrrr! Here goes the baby's weekend. I KNOW she is just a baby, I know that. But I can't help but get irritated.
It is all just so odd. We figured bm had plans and that in some way this benefits her. She has never accomodated dh in any way and we didn't even tell her about it. So either ss telly wanted to come and asked his mom or he mentioned the party and talked him into coming. The good news is since they are switching weekends, I won't have to deal with ss ALL OF MARCH!!! Dh gets 1st and 3rd weekends. Next weekend is the first weekend and bm gets 3rd weekend because it is her turn for spring break. So I won't see ss til April. But I am still irritated and annoyed.
My mom is goin to love this too. They will never tell dh but they honestly get annoyed when ss stays over at there house sometimes. Partly because of how he acts, how he sometimes treats the bios and sometimes they just want to spend time with their grandkids without ss. Now, they hve NEVER treated ss badly. They treat him good and he actually respects them and is nice tothem. But when I tell my mom we are going over and ss is coming she tenses up a little. Everyone just walks on eggshells and tenses up when he is around. Wait til I tell her ss is coming. Another sigh......
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Comments
i feel your pain. i always
i feel your pain. i always feel like the skids steal my babies' thunder. also, ss6 for the longest didnt want to come to our house (because we have rules) however, when it was dd3's birthday at the local pizza place, here he comes }:) he ended up barfing after the party on my couch and rug and cried to go home so i REALLY enjoyed her birthday.
my baby boy's 1st birthday is in 2 weeks and it is also not dh's weekend but you can bet your butt the skids will be there and bm will get an additional weekend from her kids. unlike you, they dont switch weekends... so atleast you have that to look forward too
Oh, this is the first switch
Oh, this is the first switch ever! That is what is so weird. We haven't strayed from the new CO and usually if bm switched in the past it was keeping him from dh not the other way around. The funny thing is that dh has tried to get a hold of ss all week and ss hasn't answered his calls or texts. In my opinion, if he had REALLY wanted to come then why didn't he just ask dh or at least just answer dh's calls and texts? Personally I think bm foun out and ss coming this weekend would benefit her so she might be forcing this. And that means we'll have a kid who really doesn't want to be there with a bad attitude on my baby's first bday.
ugh... well i hope your baby
ugh... well i hope your baby has a fabulous birthday anyway and try not to let the skid take away from it. i know its hard but just try to enjoy your baby's day
you hit it head on crayon!
you hit it head on crayon! and it is crushing. i hate it for my babies, breaks my heart honestly. but do not dare mention this to dh because somehow it means you are jealous of his children, or atleast thats how mine takes it
Exactly! It all goes back to
Exactly! It all goes back to nothing a sm does is ever right. Dh plays the 'fair' card when it comes to ss but heaven forbid I say the same thing but about OUR bios.
Ha ha! Well ss is 13. Our
Ha ha! Well ss is 13. Our bios are 1,4,& 5. Not so close in age. But his attitude is the same! He doesn't verbalize it his attitude shows it.
Honestly, it's a no-win
Honestly, it's a no-win situation. SD was 10 when our oldest was born and 13 when the next one was born. All totaled, our two BDs have had 11 birthdays. Know how many SD has come to? Two. Both for the younger BD. So, although she's not there to ruin it, it's ruined in another way. The year SD showed up to the youngest BD's party, the older BD started talking about SD being there. Which led to me having to tell older BD that SD had never come to a SINGLE ONE of her birthday parties (even the younger ones when we had primary custody). Which makes the older BD feel like there is something wrong with HER. She immediately started trying to figure out what activities she could do at her NEXT birthday party that would be attractive enough to make SD attend. Poor thing. She was asking what SD likes to do and trying to plan her party accordingly. How sad is that?!
With regard to your parents, mine also have always been nice to SD but she is NOT respectful to them. After we went to dinner with them one night, she got on Facebook and called them fags. She would be invited to events at their house and refuse to speak to them. Finally I told DH that SD would no longer be invited if she could not be polite. She has tried recently to get herself invited along with us (she now lives with BM), but DH actually told her he could not invite her to someone else's house. So my parents no longer have to deal with her because no way would she swallow her pride long enough to even "attempt" to be nice to my parents.
Your poor bd! That would
Your poor bd! That would irritate me! Another thing I don't get about "ss wanting to come" is that when he is here he pays no attention to the baby. Not in a rude way, just doesn't hold her or anything. Of course they are 12 years apart. But now he wants to come? Whatever. I old dh to let ss know that this party isn't a big party at all. We just invited adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, our friends) and aren't having kid games or anything except a cake. So he'll be disappointed! But this weekend wasn't about him but about the baby anyway.
My bios and steps are close
My bios and steps are close in age and frankly it's never been an issue of everything being about ss because I wont allow it to be. There are certainly times where I feel dh has favored ss, BUT when it comes to bday parties and such-I throw my kids some awesome parties. When ss's bday comes around I leave it to dh to plan the festivities. Well, let's just say they are lacking as dh is not so good in that department.
I would just make sure that you make it ALL about your bd this weekend. It is a special event-a 1st birthday-you cant control your dh but do everything you can to make sure everyone else makes a big deal over your baby's bday.
Sometimes my ss is here for the other kids bdays and sometimes not. My dd13 had a party for her bday with about 50 kids at our house. SS was present. He actually does fine because there is nothing for him to do. He knows he is obviously not the center of attention-dh and I are both busy being "hosts" and so he just sort of floats around. My ds11's last birthday I did mess with things a bit to make sure ss wasnt present. DS11 has issues with ss whom most of the time he has no choice to deal with-but since it was his birthday I did not want him to be forced to include ss in his activities. It wouldnt have been so bad if he would just have floated around like at dd's party-but since they are both boys and only a year apart-dh always thinks that ss should jump right in and participate in all the activities with ds's friends. On his 10th bday he had about 5 boys sleep over and I was going to allow them to sleep in the living room-dh made a stink and had them sleep in the bedroom which ds shares with ss when he's here.
So ss was right in the midst of ds's time with his friends and I just felt bad for him. Not going to happen again.