Hugs Tuff. Sorry you guys are going through this.

I took a loan of $10K against my 401K. It was the only option I had and it was better since I paid myself back plus interest out of my paycheck.

I'm so sorry, Tuff.

I agree with Clever about contacting the creditors and negotiating. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

To be honest, it seems like you WOULD be better off to do a refi on your house or maybe home equity to pay those credit cards off? We just refinanced our house. We had a 30 year mortgage with our original credit union. Then we had a rival credit union contact us last summer, after we financed our new cars through them and asked if we wanted to refinance with them at a lower rate. The rate we got was 3.2 and we ended up going 15 years instead of 30, so paying it off quicker AND we are saving almost $80,000.00 in interest over the course of the mortgage. But I don't know.. maybe we only got such a good rate because our credit is good?

At any rate, your #1, TOP priority is to pay off the credit cards. The interest on those things will kill you and you will NEVER get ahead. Can you get a personal loan through your bank to pay those off? I'm not sure how much you are talking when you say they are maxed, but usually personal loans have a minimum of $5,000.00 and an average rate of 6-9%

I was also wondering... have any of your cards gone into collections? I only ask, because generally once they go to collections they are willing to settle. When ExH and I divorced, he was to pay off a credit card that was in my name, that he had been using and racked up over $10,000.00 on. I refused to pay a dime of it, because they weren't my charges and I knew he'd never pay me... so I let it go as much as it killed me to watch my perfect credit score take a nose dive. It eventually went into collections and he ended up settling with them for something like $6,000.00. (charge off) The only sucky part is that you have to claim the written off difference as income on your taxes and of course your credit takes a hit.... BUT the good news is, your credit can recover quickly if you don't have any other late pays or issues. This all happened about 10 years ago. Six years ago DH and I purchased our new home and my credit was fine by then. Last I checked my credit score was 780.

Tuff... hugs, I am right there with you.

I was able to transfer $6,000 on one card(Chase) to an interest free (for one year) card. Then I took the card out of my wallet and will only use in a last resort situation. The card I transferred to was a Bank of America card. I haven't paid off much but at least I am getting rid of more debt with the zero interest for a year.

Then I took out a personal loan to wipe away very high interest debt from some furniture we bought awhile back. I was able to catch up on a few other bills with that loan, too. I will be paying that back for a few years but at a low fixed interest monthly rate.

We applied for food stamps - have you? Our application still hasn't been processed. We were told to contact them this week.

I agree with others, you can try to call creditors and negotiate lower payments. And look into what kind of help your state can offer you, on a temporary basis.

Honestly, Tuff, the only thing that helps me is staying in the moment as best I can, writing lists (it feels good to check off items once you are done - like you are actually getting ahead, even if you are taking baby steps) and of course, remembering I am not alone. A lot of people are living paycheck to paycheck or below the poverty line in this country.

Good luck <3

Sorry you are going through a tough time.
Have you thought about trying to get a peer to peer loan? Like through SOFI, Prosper or Lending club?
Sometimes they have more flexibility than the bank if DTI is the problem.
I second the suggestion to see if you can possibly consolidate as much as possible to a card with lower interest or possibly zero interest for a certain period of time.
You can also check with car loans and mortgage to see if they would be willing to move a payment or two to the end of your loan so that you could put some money aside for an emergency fund. However, I would only take that option if the lender actually moves the payments to the end of the loan so you don't get late payments on your credit.

Hugs Tuff. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions not already mentioned.

" the bank has offered to refi the house at a much higher amount and use that to pay off the cards, but i'd rather not do that since we just refinanced last year to LOWER that payment. but it's an option i guess."

I would still consider this option Tuff. If the lending system in the U.S. works the same as the lending system in Canada, you can still come out ahead here.

You may be paying a higher monthly payment, but that will include all the credit card debt at a lower interest rate. Your payments on the re-fi should still be lower than all the payments you make combined. Hopefully you can then put some money aside and put it on your mortgage at any of the assorted times they allow you to make additional payments.

Then, when your mortgage comes due again, you may be able to go for a shorter/longer amortization period at higher/lower payments, depending on your financial situation.

Prepare for some work but I need some questions answered first.

1. How many rooms are in your house and how many kids?
2. How much do you guys care about space?
3. Are you near any universities?
4. Is there ANY way you can cut your house in half to make a new apartment.

I ask because when DH and I were just starting out (and I was pregnant) and carrying 2 mortgages as well, one for a business, one for a house (the business paid just enough to cover its own mortgage but nothing else so utilities and stuff had to come out of our own pocket), we moved into the basement of the house we had the other mortgage on (actually an equity loan which was the down payment for the business location). Less than 500 square feet. 1 Bathroom (only toilet and shower stall) the size of a closet, maybe 5 x 5 if that. 2 bedrooms, each maybe 10 x 10, no kitchen (I brought in a small fridge, a microwave, and a zojirushi hotplate.

Then I rented out the entire house other than the basement. That was an extra 1.5k in my pocket (after all the utilities were paid and property tax etc.)

I mean, it was hard. We lived like that for two years until the business grew enough to cover its own utilities, but it was... romantic in a way?

For fast cash, that is the best way. Even now that I have a third house that I own and am living in, I am walling off (and installing doors) the second master bedroom which has its own bathroom and is located next to the front entrance as my office but also as a just in case. I can get $800 for the room if I decided to rent it out. Obviously I'd only do it if I needed to but the option is there.

I say fast cash because I always ask for first months and last months rent, and one month deposit. So you pocket two months and have a month's worth of money you don't have to give unless they move out or break the lease.

And then cutting everything you don't need out of your budget. I stopped shopping at like Stop&Shop and solely go to Aldi. A dozen large eggs can sometimes be gotten for 96 cents. A bag of onions (5 onions) for 79 cents.

Also, any way you can use another non interest bearing credit card (many offer that for 18 months) to essentially transfer the balance?

I am so poor right now. I took a pay cut and a "promotion" where I get no overtime. But it is going to increase my salary by $10 an hour in increments over the next four years. I won't get the first raise until next May. I win contests. Every day from four to six and sometimes
Longer I am calling radio stations. I got caller two at four. He answered at 439 on a different station but the call dropped so I almost won. And then I won at 510. I sell a lot of the things I win for cash. I have won nine contests in a month. I won six universal studios tickets. I won four Busch Gardens tickets. I won four tickets to the gator nationals which I sold for cash. I won Aquatica tickets and we used them Wednesday for Spring break.I won Incubus concert tickets. I won Muse tickets. Tonight I won county fair tickets and arm bands and concert tickets for Denny Laine. I am going to sell Denny Laine tickets. Sure there is luck but there is also some skill. My daughter turns 8 Friday. We are going to Universal for free. I just listed what I won in one month. Previous months I have won cash.

At my new job I taught my coworkers how to win. Fuesha won universal and concert tickets she sold for $500. Another won Busch Gardens. Another won Sea World today . Two are in the running for a cruise with a one one 25 chance of winning. We are all trying for the $700
High low cash contest all week. But that's one month . I spend ALOT of time dialing and listening. Hours of my day switching channels and searching for the contests but I am winning! A LOT!
So I buy extra groceries or school clothes with my winnings or pay the cable bill with my winnings

Have you considered bankruptcy? There are different types you can file and still keep your house/car (not sure about the second house). Our BM did that - she was in over $70K of credit card debt, behind on her mortgage, car payment, etc. The court looks at your monthly income and figures out what you can pay on your debts. After 3 years, all remaining balances on credit cards are forgiven.

I know it sounds drastic, but might be worth looking into. Especially if you don't need to make any huge purchases in the next few years.

Call the cc companies and ask them to lower your interest rate, some will, some won't. Call them once a month and ask again. It took me three months but I got my 19% down to 15%.

Stop using the cards. It's hard but you'll get used to it. Put yourselves on a cash budget and stick to it. Meal plan and only buy what you need, no extra snacks or goodies.

Get a part time job, delivering pizza, cleaning offices at night, delivering papers at 6am. There are lots of crap jobs that most people think are beneath them. It doesn't have to be forever but it will help in the meantime.

Cancel all the extras, cable TV, renegotiate your cellphone and go with the cheapest most basic plan there is, take the bus whenever possible.

Cancel the internet. Now I sound crazy, right? Unless you need it for your job, it's just entertainment and you'll be busy with that second job.
Pull out the old vcr or DVD player and watch old movies.

When my exH and I split up I was only doing temp work and not getting any CS. We were lucky to live with friends but I had $10K in cc debit and was only making $1000 a month.

Try another bank, and tell them you'll move all your business over if they can help you out. Then do it. Worked for me.

hugs Tuff..... pm me if you want some budgeting tips email more lol.....

what about nailing BM's ass for more CS }:)

After my first DH passed away, I was left with a LOT of medical debt -- although we both had good insurance, a lot of treatments he went thru were considered experimental and not covered by insurance, including a chemotherapy that cost about $1100/week (he was on it for 6 months). Plus, I had a baby and a toddler in daycare.

With his life insurance, I paid down as much as I could, but I was still left with over $70,000 in debt, plus a mortgage and a car payment. I contacted a credit counseling agency via internet (I lived in the boonies at the time, NOTHING was close, not even a WalMart!) and did my business with them via internet and phone. Best move of my life, and they helped me out every step of the way. Not only did they negotiate a little bit lower rates on my credit cards, they were able to get me to a monthly payment that accomplished paying off the debt, yet left me with some breathing room.

It took four years. But as some credit cards got paid off, and I was getting the rest of my financial life straightened out, I was able to make additional credit card payments thru them to decrease the balances even more.

I'd say call around - talk to a couple different places. Trust me, I ran into some doozy places that weren't interested in helping, just interested in taking your money. Consider all their angles.

Good luck!

This will suck but see if you can try one of those internet loan places like light stream or lending club. They are totally online and i think the lending creiteria is a little less stringent because its peer to peer lending instead of a traditional bank loan. That could get your cards out of the way.