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Should or should I NOT be upset that my husband did not telll me about his daughters mouth

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 12:55pm

A few nights ago my husband and myself went to hang out at our friends house. We, the women, stayed in the house while the men went to the garage and hung out.

Well, as me and my friend were talking the sd's name was brought up and this lead to the issue. My friend had apologized to me staying, "Well, hope the sd didnt get into too much trouble over what she said the my daughter?" I was clueless--I asked her what she was talking about. She said, you meen your husband didnt tell you what happend...I said no.

Well, to make a long story short my sd was making fun of our friends daughter to her face and at the end of the convo told her to go "F***K off." Well she little girl was upset becasue she had thought that my sd was her friend, but obviously my sd was being a brat.

Well our friend, talked to my husband about it and told him some other stuff that they had heard and that he probably needed to be on the lookout.

Well----my husband HAS NOT mentioned this to me. He has not, from what I know, done anything to punish her for her rude behavior or anything. As far as I know nothing has changed.

I have a feeling he is NOT telling me becasue he knows I dont put up with that crap and I am always on him about not monitering his 15 yr old daughter more than what he does.

Should I be upet he has not told me. OR should I not let it bother me. He sure doesnt mind telling me the good stuff but when it is bad with his daughter that stuff never is mentioned.....How should I handle it????

Comments

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 1:05pm

I think it depends on your situation. Are you engaged/disengaged? My dh and I have started a new plan in our family and if I found out my ss13 said something like this (which he would)to someone-I would tell my dh and tell him I think he needs to address it. At this point, I think he would. But if I felt I couldnt trust him to do so I would do it myself. As long as the kid either resides in your home or visits regularly-I feel like it is your business what goes on with the kid-as whether you like it or not her behavior does reflect on you and your home.

My ss13 is a hot mess. Truly. We jsut visited the first time last week in 6 months because he is such a hot mess. But as I said-we are throwing him a ring-a life preserver if you will. Because if anyone is drowning, it sure is this kid. These are kids we come in regular contact with-whether we chose to parent them or not-and I am not going to sit by any longer and allow my ss to display poor behavior without calling him out on it. I do not want him to be a failure in life. I dont know if I can stop that or not-but I do want to be able to say-I at least gave him a chance and tried to teach him right from wrong.

Ommy's picture

Submitted by Ommy on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 1:10pm

I would confront him and tell him flat out that he is no longer allowed to take his daughter over there. and you will not watch her, if he wants to play with the boys he has to find a babysitter or go when she is with her mom. I would be beyond pissed at him for not telling you. Like it or not people associate us with the step kids their behavior causes judgements on us he should have told you point blank from the beginning and her mouth should have been washed out with soap.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 1:12pm

If my SD said something like that to my friend's daughter, I would want to know and I would see to it that she was punished for it. I'd also be insulted that my husband wouldn't tell me about the discussion he and my friend had over it. "Why didn't you tell me about SD mouthing off last time we were there??" Would be my first question to him. "What are you going to do it about?" Would be my next.

forestfairy's picture

Submitted by forestfairy on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 1:13pm

The only reason it would bother me not being told is because it's YOUR friend's daughter, so that involves your friends, and that involves you. How embarassing to have the friend bring it up and you have no idea what is going on. I would be anyway. If it were a kid at school I think it wouldn't be as big of a deal if he didn't tell you.

daisy0202's picture

Submitted by daisy0202 on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 1:54pm

OMG I have the same problem. I hear all about the good and how wonderful she does in school and what a great smart kid she is....Now that she is in High school and always out of school, having all these drama issue and not getting good grades I never hear anything....GEEE WONDER WHY?????