im the lucky one taking sd to school....would it be wrong to set some ground rules???
Ok school starts Monday and I have been informed that I will be taking my sd to school in the am. My husband took another job that requires him to leave the house way before we have to get up...thats the only reason I agreed to doing it. In the past he has been able to take her to the moms and she took her to school. Here are the rules and why I have decided to use them:
1.) You will arrive at school on time (It will not be when she wants to get there. I have a 6 month old and I dont want to get him in and out of his car seat an extra time, because she wants to get to school to socialize. I will get her to school on time, but it will be on my way to work.)
2.) If you forget something...I am sorry you should have taken time to pack what was needed. (She is really bad about forgetting unnecessary items(make-up) and having her father take her back to her moms to get it.) (I will not be doing this...she has the basic items needed at our home.)
3.) Before you leave your room MUST be clean. -This includes-bed made, blinds open, and clothes put WHERE THEY BELONG! (The responsible person, not my sd, would clean room up at night and all they have to do is make bed and open windows)( our house is on the market and the last thing I want to do is clean her room everytime someone comes to look. IT is just simple to keep things in order).
She is so used to being catered too... if I dont set some rules then I will be the one getting pooped on....if she doesnt like my rules and if the father and mother dont agree with me....they can find someone else to take her to school.....I am doing them a favor....believe me when I say they are getting the better end of the deal...well at least my husband is. She is such a little pill!!
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I think your rules are good.
I think your rules are good. Parents I work with are famous for catering to their kids in the mornings -- turning back around to get things they forget (not homework but like trivial things) and bringing their kids to school right on time because they are shy and don't want to sit with the other kids, etc. It drives me nuts! How else do these kids become responsible?
You will probably be picking fights about #3 but I totally understand why the pressure for it with selling your house. I wouldn't want to sit around every day worrying about SS's room being clean if I get an unexpected person coming to look.
Her mom lives 10 minutes from
Her mom lives 10 minutes from our home. I thought about this, but I have a feeling my husband will not agree to it. He knows I have issues with the sd and he thinks that if I take her to school that we will bond. But, the only issue I have is that its ok for me to take her everywhere she needs to go, but I cant set rules and responsiblities for her. So I cant wait to see the reaction on both of their faces when I tell them what I expect out of her.
I agree.....I am afraid I
I agree.....I am afraid I have gotton myself into trouble and there is only one way out. Please know I have never asked or even inferred to him to choose between me and his daughter---NEVER WOULD I DO THAT. But sometimes, I feel like I am her nanny. I can be there for all the fun stuff, but when it comes to setting responsiblities like I will with my own son, I am not allowed to do that.
My husband wouldn't go for
My husband wouldn't go for this idea either. SD is with us 4 days, with BM 4 days, and so on. (For now) He feels that it is his responsibility on his days to get her to school. (So that means ME taking her when he works) On BM's days, we don't do her favors so wouldn't expect her to do them for us.
Have you ever gotten a child
Have you ever gotten a child up in the a.m. and gotten them off to school??? I think you're asking too much, especially the part of having the room clean. I think if you can get them to throw the bedcover over the bed, you'll be doing good.
I think the night before a little preparation will go a long way, i.e., homework in backpack, lunch money, etc. Then, if they forget, too bad. You may not want to do this but in the end, it will only alievate stress on you.
To be honest the room thing
To be honest the room thing is really a lost cause at our home, but if I dont keep stressing it her ROOM would be a disaster area. She is very lazy and is babied to death. I have to set some ground rules or I will get walked on like crazy. See my husband lets me do all the fun stuff with her, but when it comes to asking her to do something that requires her to "work" then I am not allowed to do it. If you only knew the way my sd is Its hard to describe on her. She is a piece of work and has her whole family fooled...except the outsider looking in...that would be me.
I told DH that the onlooker
I told DH that the onlooker sees most! It's true, I said we'd be heading for trouble with the twins when they were 10 years old...they are 17 and, sure enough! I will never say 'I told you so' because that really does not help a situation. He knows it, felt bad about it and we move forward now with what we now agree on. Being a step mom is nigh impossible when both parents are in denial about their 'cherubs'. What can I say? I love them dearly and they can learn the hard way if that's their choice.
I like that!!!! But, if I
I like that!!!! But, if I EVER told this precious angel that she had to walk that would be a fight like on other! Im surprisedif they have let her feet touch the road. Im telling you she is VERY LAZY AND a DRAMA QUEEN!
I put ours out of the car at
I put ours out of the car at the end of our street one day, I heard the disrespect and they were fighting in the back seat, throwing litter on the highway...I mean ripping up a box and throwing pieces out of the window! They wanted daddy to drive them and he was busy so they reacted...I am not tolerating it! DH looked at me when I walked in on my own, I told him they'll be home in a few and what happened. I do not know what to tell them...behave or walk!!
Shes at her dads 50% of the
Shes at her dads 50% of the time. I think this is the best answer, but my husband is bound to take her to school.....but hes not the one that will be doing it! GRRRRRRRR
It's definitely not wrong to
It's definitely not wrong to set rules, but I wouldn't be surprised if you are made to feel guilty about it. My DH is trying to pawn part of this responsibility off on me, but I think he has figured out that I don't feel like it's my problem. I've tried dropping my SD(9) and SS(5) off at daycare some this summer to help my DH out, but these kids screw around in the mornings watching television and I'm not going to pander to them and wait around so that I'm late for work. DH and his ex-wife both cater to these kids; no wonder they have zero focus and can't even be ready to leave the house at a reasonable time.
I'm tired of this expectation that kids rule the world and adults have to meet all of their little whims.
Do you have a bus that picks
Do you have a bus that picks the kids up? Ours were too snooty to ride the school bus, DH appeased them. I used to get irate when they 'forgot' purse, makeup, phones etc. Grades were not good, homework not done and behaviors were horrendous! I disengaged, bonding my ass, kids do not 'bond' on someone else's schedule. I read somewhere that it takes, on average, seven years for a blended family to gel. Seems they were correct, I now have the kids doing a little introspection and remembering stuff and they now realize I was not wrong back then.
Children thrive in an
Children thrive in an environment where there are clear and concise expectations and reliable consequences. I don't think of it so much as "rules" as I do "expectactions." Laying out expectations in advance to AVOID any meltdown later is a wonderful idean.
Print out your expectations for the night before (with the time frame for doing this ie 30 minutes before bed....) and for the morning of outlining the morning routine - ie:
7:30 PM Tiny Room
7:45 PM Personal Hygiene
8:00 PM Bedtime
6:00 AM Wake up and make bed
6:15 AM Eat breakfast
6:30 AM Personal Hygiene
7:00 AM Departure
There is no room in this scenario for I forgot, I didn't know, etc. Consequences? Well if you have trouble be ready on time, maybe an earlier bed time will assist you in waking up and being ready to go. This tool has worked wonders for both my son and my SS with summer chore and daily routine expectations. There has been minimal drama and things are getting done - on time. BUT SO is backing me up and taking a no BS approach with accountability.
The short of it is, it's your time. You have the RIGHT to have your very reasonable expectations met. If she cannot meet them then DH will have to make other arrangements...... Would it be acceptable for her to be late and need to make side trips if Johnny Neighbor down the road was doing carpool????????
I do not pander to my kids in
I do not pander to my kids in the morning. They get NO breaks from me-these are my own bios-I dont consider myself "mean" but rather a realist and they manage to meet my expectations 95% of the time. If I am driving-we leave when I say leave. If it means you stay home and dont go to school, then so be it (I've never had to actualy find out what happens as they are always ready). If you forget something you forget. I have literally in the 8 years I have had kids in school never brought them something they forgot. And I never will. It's life. Noone brings me things I might forget at work. they do forget homework from time to time-but it is rare. My dd13 probably forgets the most stuff-mostly related to her extracurriculars-she has forgotten cheer socks, the proper underwear, etc-I figure I am helping her learn to be resourceful by making her figure out how to fix these situations on her own and she has always managed.
Telling a kid that she is going to be dropped off at school when it is conducive to your work schedule is entirely apppropriate. Telling her that you will not turn around for things she forgot is not wrong. In fact, I dont even think I would discuss this nonsense with her. The bus leaves when it leaves. It doesnt turn around midroute. The first time she asks you to-look at her as if she is nuts and tell her you dont have time for that and leave it at that.