SO suddenly gets his second wind for Skids after being exhausted all day.
Does anyone else have this problem?
My SO is exhausted and has to nap all the time. He gets up early to help SD get ready for school and to call his other kids. After work he crashes. Then, when SD gets home, he suddenly has a ton of energy to go talk to her. When she goes to bed he comes into our room and crashes again.
I believe he actually is exhausted and works very hard. It's just that he is selective about when he chooses to be "too tired to stay awake" or not. When we met, he had all kinds of energy for me. Now it all goes to SD. I feel like my feelings and opinions are all pent up, because night time is the only chance I get to talk to him, and I know he just can't stand it anymore when I want to solve our problems at night. When else are we going to do it?
I also feel like he's great at compartmentalizing major problems and just letting me deal with them and worry about them. Last night he said, "I didn't ask you to take on all of my problems." But I look at us as a unit and a family, and if there's a problem that's not getting solved, I am going to be concerned about it until it is taken care of. Most of the time I end up reminding him six to ten times before he'll take care of something.
Exasperated.
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I understand completely. I
I understand completely. I am going through the same thing with FDH. We have now had his girls full time for a little over 3 weeks and we never get the chance to really talk. He is always tired, but for the girls he is laughing and playing for 3+ hours a night then the minute they go to be so does he. I have been organizing the house hold and he gets to play supper dad, I dont mind because I know that he cares and he always thanks me, but sometimes I just want to TALK! I hate making all the decisions and handing things on my own. I am having my parent come and watch the girls this week one night and like it or not him and I are having time to ourselves to talk and have dinner. I love his girls but full time is taking a toll on me and I dont want us to fall apart. Can any one watch the skids for a night so you to can just talk?
(not to mention with him being so tired it has taken a toll on $ex life)
at least i'm not
at least i'm not alone........ this behavior angers me to no end, and the funny thing is there seems to be no end to it....
Omg! This is my SO. What
Omg! This is my SO. What happened to when we were first together and you had all this time and energy for me? I will even go one further that he plays HOURS of video games a day. Even stays up at night to play so of course theres NO time for me. Then he says I can talk to him any time but if I try he gets annoyed or doesn't listen. Kids are around and he won't touch his play station at all. But when it comes to me and our daughter he just never has a minute where hes not eating or sleeping or playing a game or SOMETHING. I'm so depressed right now. Its been almost two months since hes looked at me. But of course this is all my fault. Right this minute he is sleeping away because he has to go get SD10 in 2 hours. Then he will go to work and I will clean up his mess and watch his kids all evening. What did he do all morning?? Play that stupid f'n play station. I think I'm going to cry!
I'm so sorry you're going
I'm so sorry you're going through that!
It sounds like you're mothering him and his kids.
It's good to know I'm not
It's good to know I'm not alone. And he TRIES, he really does! He wants me to be happy. I think I'm going to have to deal with this, to some extent, for the rest of my life. He knows he's acting out of guilt, but he forgets. I feel like I'm always having to remind him of that. I'm not saying he shouldn't spend time with SD, it's just that when she asks for something, his natural impulse is to say yes immediately. He was trained to do this by BM. I find myself stopping him all the time.
When SD yells, "DAD!" from the other room, (translates as "come here right now!" he gets right out of bed and I have to say to him, "honey, let her come to you if she needs something." Then he'll say, "Oh. Yeah. You're right."
It's like he un-learns this child worshiping behavior, then she behaves for a week, and then he starts treating her like the boss again.
The whole while, I miss him.
My DH just did pulled this
My DH just did pulled this crap last weekend. Here was his "schedule"
FRIDAY: Went to pic up skids Friday around noon. Promplty came home and went to take a nap. Got up around dinner time to make them steak potatoes for dinner. Promplty went back up to bed for the most of rest of the night (other than to check on the Lovebirds to make sure they had pillows, blankets etc for their sleeping together on SDs twin bed pleasure) Yeah, gag!
SATURDAY: DH was still in bed when BS1 and I left to get groceries at about 10:30. Was still in bed when we got home around 1pm. About 3ish, DH says he's going to Walmart to get sheets for SD's bed. Takes skids with him. They come home about 2 hours later, with cups from a mexican restaraunt where he must have taken them for lunch and all their Walmart loot (not just sheets) THEN DH complains that he doesn't feel well, and goes straight upstairs to bed where he stays for all but about 45 minutes of the rest of the night.
Sunday: DH still doesn't "feel well" but manages to get himself around around 3 so he can take the Lovebirds to the shooting range before he took them home. Came home around 7pm.
I told him it was so nice to spend quality time with him on my long weekend (major eye roll sarcasm)and why the Lovebirds have to be there when DH is just upstairs the whole time and they are creeping around and doing Lord knows what in SDs room I have no idea???
It's why I look sooo forward to their visits... NOT
Halfway there... Its been 2
Halfway there... Its been 2 months. And I've stopped trying, that way theres no appointment for me. Well, last night he "tried" and I'm so used to being ignored or brushed off that I brushed him off and of course it was the end of the f'n world. When I tried to being up the countless other nights where he brushed me off, suddenly we are ONLY telling about last night and just because he'd done something doesn't make it right for me to do. I can tell what road we are on but I can't pull us back without help. I've been even finding cheap easy night out or date night things for us and so far I've been rejected.
Not ok right now.
Ha, we do need to get a
Ha, we do need to get a babysitter...literally. But not because SD is a baby. She's 17. Still needs a babysitter.
Part of the time we don't really get to go on dates is because she needs constant supervision. She is a huge liability. This adds to our stress and to the stress on the relationship. Of course, as the woman, I take most of it on, even though she's not my kid.
Yes, she has a car and can go
Yes, she has a car and can go to her mom's or to a friend's house. She actually prefers not to be here if she doesn't have to during the day, but she wants to spend the night here. Part of the thing is that I've really been wanting a vacation, but we're away on business a lot and SD throws a tantrum each time she has to go stay with her mom, so it's hard to get motivated to plan a trip when we have THAT to look forward to. She's bent on causing problems for us.
We did go out of town last weekend. Out of state, actually, and had a great time. Of course, we didn't tell SD where we were going. She's getting better at not putting up a fight.
I guess what I've been missing is him having energy for me. It seems it always gets saved up for his kids.
She'll be 18 soon. I do love
She'll be 18 soon. I do love her and I do want her to be ok. But when I was her age, I wanted to be independent and self sufficient. She just wants to freeload off of her parents for as long as possible (while simultaneously having adult privileges and carte blanche to do anything she wants), and this is encouraged by BM. I've been ready for her to move out since she revealed herself to be an entitled little kleptomaniac drug using pain in the ass. It seems like SO has amnesia when it comes to remembering SD can't be trusted.
Recently he laid down some conditions of her living here. If she doesn't meet them, she has to move out. I can't say I won't be happy about that.
It's amazing how the guilt works on BDs. It's like they are Pavlov's dogs or something.
I thought I was alone on this
I thought I was alone on this one but apparently there's a crap load of out there! This has been one of my pet peeves with DH. When we were dating, he had all sorts of energy and time for me. Our weekends without the skids were ours completely. It felt so good just having him to myself. During the week he travels for business, so I cherished that time together. Now...we have the skids 50% of the time (we had less time before), during the days we have skids he spends all his time with them and tries to tell me that spending time as a family with the skids is spending time together...NO!
Then when the skids go to sleep, he goes to sleep...the bedtime varies,but if I want to stay up to a time he does with the skids to watch a show together, he's tired (he says TV is a waste of time but he can watch dumb crap like cartoons)go figure!?! Sex is usually during the 50% we don't have skids and romance...what's that?
Now, every weekend he spends seeing the skids for their sports games. This is so depressing
I'm in the same boat. SO
I'm in the same boat. SO works in the early day then goes to school, comes here around 10:30 and within 5 minutes he's asleep so I basically never see him. I believe he is exhausted too after days like that but on the weekends he's fine but as soon as he comes to "spend time with me" he crashes in 5 minutes.
Yep. Moping around on weeks
Yep. Moping around on weeks that were "non-skid" weekends, then suddenly becoming jubilant and joyous as Friday approached on "skid" weekends. All house projects were thrown aside as he went into full time "step 'n' fetch" mode for his masters,. . . errr, I mean children.