You are here

A moment of silence

TooTired's picture

Submitted by TooTired on Sat, 10/31/2020 - 9:52pm

Just needed to come here to have a bit of a self pity rant because tonight I realized that SD will always come before mine and DH's son together and myself. The failed first family will always come first. Trying to please and accommodate them is more important than enjoying our intact family. For some crazy reason I had in my head that DH would be grateful that he can enjoy our DS and not have to miss out on things but he's too worried about SD and what she's doing every waking moment. So here's to a moment of silence for the happy family fairytale I had in my head.  

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 10/31/2020 - 11:34pm

To say that steplife is different from traditional family life is a gross understatement, as we all know.   But I wouldn't give up hope. Just realize that your family life won't fit the traditional model.  Imagine if it was you that had the 11 yo child and only saw them for visitation.  Even worse, the custodial parent had questionable judgment.   You couldnt help but think about that child a lot.  Im not making excuses for your DH, he is probably at fault for you being so down today.

I remember back in the day, it was right before we got married.  SDthen12 ran away from BM's house.  I don't know if it was related to our upcoming wedding, or just the normal strife between BM & SD.  I was bummed out because DH seem preoccupied, wasn't getting into the wedding plans.  One day, I thought, duh, of course hes preoccupied, his kid is gone.

I'm guessing your DH sees you and your child as his safe place.  We step-parents just have to realize our lives are different, but it will be ok.  Good luck.

TiredfrustratedandDONE's picture

Submitted by Tiredfrustrated... on Sun, 11/01/2020 - 4:35am

On sooooo many levels. I am over it. It's sad, but what can you do. I'd rather do everything to make sure DS knows how much you love him and he can see for himself how their fathers are treating them second to none.. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 11/01/2020 - 4:55am

I don't understand these men. It's not healthy to be so obsessed with your child. I have female friends who are happy to ship their kids off to dad's and get a break, and don't spend every waking minute thinking about their child who isn't with them (I make that comparison only because typically women are more likely to be that concerned about kids).

Even if her mother is a terrible parent, that level of emotional involvement with your child is just not healthy.

Stepmama2321's picture

Submitted by Stepmama2321 on Sun, 11/01/2020 - 7:32am

I'm obsessed with my DD1, probably too much lol but me and SO BOTH are so it's almost a foundational piece of our relationship. However, we both agree that once our children are a bit older and can be more independent, OUR relationship is the top most priority. I'm not particularly religious but I do agree with the Bible's stance on marriage - your partner comes first before anyone else in the family, children grow up and leave the household and you are stuck with your partner (probably why so many get divorced once kids are launched). We both understand in our case, it's a short chapter or dedicating most effort into our young DD, but soon WE take president over all. Your marriage is the foundation of your home and if weak, will crumble.

Movingonisbest's picture

Submitted by Movingonisbest on Sun, 11/01/2020 - 7:58pm

I don't understand where the obsession comes from either, especially when the kids become adults. I remember one time my ex said his youngest daughter was like me, but then said well he wanted her to be just like me. I didn't think much of it but after we had been broken up for awhile my friend said it is weird (or something like that) for a man to want his adult kid to be just like a woman he is involved with.

Jake's picture

Submitted by Jake on Mon, 11/02/2020 - 6:57am

I raise my glass to you my dear. I applaud your efffort to make your dream a reality

Never stop dreaming, Is it not better to to have had a dream then none at all? lol

To you and all of the other dreamers on this site. Thanks for the reality check.

I lived my dream / Fantasy for 36 years before I had to pull the plug.

But I am a Romantic at heart and a cultivator by nature.  I feel like I do not fit in this time. I was born to late.

My ideals, sense of values are so outdated in this world. We have lost our compassion. A tough road to hoe.

To the Broken Hearted. I saulte you all may you live well and be well

There is no greater joy than loving and being loved.

Warmest regards Jake