You are here

Well THAT Was Interesting

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 12:00pm

I attended my mother's memorial service via Zoom.   She and my father has a lot of out of state and Canadian friends and family joining the zoom meeting but the service itself was held by the cult.   I am persona non grata in the cult as I wrote a letter 20 years ago saying it's not for me.   They are required to shun me except for immediate family that has earth-shattering news.   Other than that nada.

Well of course my name was up there along with everybody else's. I was joining from my desktop so I didn't have a mic nor a camera which I thought would be better considering the situation.   The service was standard 15 minutes about the person and the rest of the sermon about dogma.

After the service was through I hung around for a while.   I saw my sister was there clearly with her cam and mic (truth be told, she probably spent 2 hours in the bathroom primping and doing her Hollywood makeup job beforehand)  plus her sugar daddy husband.   And oddly enough a few of her ex-boyfriends were invited to the zoom meeting.

I was completely ignored other than the reading of next of kin by all of the cult associates although they would talk to my sister (who did officially join the cult but never sent a letter saying she is not going to continue with it even though she hasn't set foot in the church for probably 25 years) to the breakout room with her and my two adult children who never joined the cult.  It was almost like the elephant in the room as they took great care not to mention me or engage me in any chat.

They had a nice photo display before and after but one thing that was painfully obvious was that my sister was in 95% of the photos hamming it up for attention as a child and an adult.   Whereas I was maybe in 2% of the photos.   One struck me in particular of my mother holding me as an infant and the look on her face was one of annoyance not love of your baby daughter.  I wasn't crying or acting up or anything as everybody else in the room was smiling but my mother was scowling at me.  In fact I can never remember my mother actually smiling at me ever, only at my sister's clownish antics.

This rant may sound petty and it probably is but it just confirms the information in the book "Mothers Who Cannot Love"  which I have gone through and have done most of the therapy work in the back.  Of course I can't tell any of this to Chef he was out working at the time of the zoom meeting which is to my benefit as he would probably use this information somehow against me at some later date.

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 12:26pm

I'm so sorry for the loss of the mother you should have had.  How sad.  Hang in there, dear

 

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 12:47pm

My heart hurt for you as I read your post. That loss is on them. From your posts and comments here, I know you are a wonderful person. Shame on them. Sending you love via the air waves.

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 1:02pm

Hugs. I know of this cult you speak and I can say with a bit of authority that they are all a bunch of loony hypocrites. Yes shunning, because that's what Jesus would do right? I may not know much, but from what I've heard he loved everybody. 

It sounds like your mom had her own inner demons (personally I think anyone who can get sucked up in that cult is a bit off center in some way anyways). She should have chose you. I would have if I was your mom. I'm sorry you never got the relationship with her you deserved. 

 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 12/09/2024 - 3:56pm

Yes it is a miserable cult with arcane rules.   Basically "dont ask don't tell."  There's no way to gracefully exit. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 12/09/2024 - 5:16pm

All of her son's kids have refused the cult. Her DD is married to the son of a cult member.  The SpermIdiot's sister has maintained a close relationship with the Hag and she and her DH are apparently active cultists.

The Hag has gotten into some trouple with her cult leaders by shifting to celebrating Christmas for the grandkids.  SpermGrandPa has had a number of lady friends for extramarital activities over the years. The cult is big into don;t ask don't tell for the men and apparently demands that the ladies do as they are told.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 1:51pm

Grieve, then commit to living your best life.  A question, after your experience in the cult as a child and young adult, why are you remaining in Chef's cult with his genetic minions?

Please take care of you.

Give rose

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 12/09/2024 - 3:57pm

Im in a similar situation as AlmostGone other than being much older.  We have a business together so that further complicates things.

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 3:14pm

thinkthrice, I'm sending condolences to you during this difficult and hurtful time.

notsofast's picture

Submitted by notsofast on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 8:31pm

You and I lived similar lives, as did our mothers.  Thank you for the book recommendation.  Mom has been in an incapacitated state after a stroke for many years now.  It's weird grieving someone who didn't like you.  She doesn't know enough about herself to know or realize she doesn't like me/I am the one she doesn't like, so when I rarely visit she smiles at me like I'm anyone else. 

That's how I have told her best friend I know she's gone, even if her shell is here.  She doesn't look at me with annoyance and disgust, so that's not her.

It's a weird grief in this situation.  Grieving what could never be.  Take care of yourself.

SMto2's picture

Submitted by SMto2 on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 8:19pm

That sounds like the final chapter in a very painful novel. I'm so very sorry for all that you've had to endure. It's definitely them not you. I hope you can find some peace as you move forward. . 

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Sun, 12/08/2024 - 9:04pm

Your "rant" isn't petty at all. You deserved so much better. And you "escaped," meaning your are self preserving, sane, and powerful. Seriously. 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 12/09/2024 - 3:59pm

For your comments.  The fact that people I knew for years ignored me like an invisible woman confirms that I made the right decision to exit the cult 20 yrs ago.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Mon, 12/09/2024 - 7:40pm

I'm so sorry, thinkthrice. What a conundrum. Hopefully, this gives you some closure. {{{hugs}}}

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 12/10/2024 - 11:07am

My condolences.

You are so strong, its a testament to your inner strength that you got away from the toxic and did the work.

((sending digital hugs))

ItsGrowingOld's picture

Submitted by ItsGrowingOld on Thu, 12/12/2024 - 9:54am

The most freeing moment in my life was accepting I didn't have to love my parents or be around them.  I was horrifically abused by family, including my parents.  Not one person protected me.

So, with that said, I completely understand where you are coming from.  You put in the work to move on from your situation and the cult.  Good for you!  Move forward and live your best life xoxo