I met & married my dh in 1999. He had his 2 kids with him (then ss 11 & sd and I had 2 children (then ds 6 & dd 2). The following year we added our youngest dd & brought our total to 5 children that we had full time in our care. My ds's bio-dad lived in the area and saw ds every 1-2 weeks depending on his schedule. My dd's bio-father had only seen her 1 time between the ages of 14-20 months and he disappeared when she was 20 months old. My dh ex lived in Oregon and had basically just handed my dh the sk's the year before saying that she could not handle them. But dh didn't take care of this in court.

That led to us spending the entire first year and a half of our marriage trying to get custody through the courts after his ex decided to file in courts saying that dh had "kidnapped" her children (this after I received MANY nasty e-mails from bio-mom with derogatory comments concerning my age... I was 26 and dh was 41). In Nov of 2000, the courts ruled in the bio-mom's favor and we were ordered to return the kids to their mother in Oregon where they lived for the next 2 years.

During those 2 years we knew that the children were not being taken care of and had even been abused by bio-mom's boyfriend and we called CPS in Oregon on 3 separate occasions. Bio-mom's sister even contacted CPS but they would not go check on the kids. Fast forward to 2002.

My father had passed away so we had moved in with my mother. Late one night I received an e-mail from sd stating that her bio-mom (who I will refer to now as BM because it's just too fitting NOT to! LOL) had been arrested and was in jail and that she was staying at a friend's house. Long story short, the BM had been thrown in jail for selling meth within 1000 ft of a school, while ss was home. She had many child neglect charges against her among other things. Dh called CPS and they told him to get his kids on a plane and get them back to him. So we did with the help of my dh family that still reside in Oregon.

Fast forward again to the present. SS is 22. He graduated high school in 2006, joined the navy and then intentionally got himself kicked out during A-school because he "didn't like it". He was home for 2 weeks and staying with a friend before he ever bothered to come home and tell us that he had been booted out. Then he continued to bounce from one friend's house to another with no real stability, bouncing from job to job, and had very little to do with the family. He was married in 2008 to a very sweet girl, despite us telling him that they should wait. In Feb of 2009 the sk's BM moved down here and instantly moved in with ss and his wife. This completely tore apart their marriage and they were separated before they ever celebrated their 1 year anniversary. While they were separated, ss started seeing another girl and she ended up pregnant. (We found out later that he and this girl PLANNED the pregnancy). After multiple problems with her father (she was only 17 when she got pregnant and was barely 18 and graduated when the baby was born in July of 2010) the relationship was not much of a relationship at all... on again, off again... on both their parts. When the baby was born, she refused to give him ss's last name and ss made an ass of himself at the hospital throwing his temper around and disrespecting everyone within a 50 foot radius. So much so, that security was called and watched him for the remainder of the time he spent at the hospital. SS has had a HORRIBLE temper for several years now. Dh has this same temper, as does sd. The 3 of them are volatile when they are angry... it's like a bomb waiting to explode on anyone that is close enough. During all of this time, ss was living with us... at one point I kicked him out due to lack of respect towards my dh and myself. Dh allowed him to come back about a month later against my better judgment.

SD is now 20. My relationship with her has been rocky at best over the years. Sometimes we got along, sometimes we didn't. SD is engaged to a very passive kind of guy and he allows her to talk to him like dirt and she walks all over him... dh and I both have told him that he needs to stand up for himself, but he just wants to keep the peace. Well, they also PLANNED a child and she ended up pregnant. During the pregnancy, SD and I actually became very close. It was almost a relief for me and I enjoyed our relationship. I threw her a HUGE baby shower and did everything I possibly could for her and our future grandson (he was born in June of 2010). Our relationship was slightly strained while the BM was living here, but we ended up in a car accident in Oct 2009 that pulled all of us closer again and the BM became less of a problem. BM ended up having to move back to Oregon because she had been living with my sd and the landlord found out that she had a felony (the meth charges) and threatened to evict my sd if she didn't remove BM from the premises. SD had told both me and BM that she wanted both of us to be in the delivery room so she wanted us to get along, which I did my best to do despite the constant remarks about time that BM was married to my dh, etc. I put up with a TON of BS from that woman. Needless to say, when she left, that left me open to be the only person in the delivery room with sd besides the baby's father. And it was wonderful and miraculous. I was so blessed to be a part of it! It made sd and I even closer. So what's the problem you may ask... oh... just give me a minute. LOL

As I mentioned before, dh, ss, & sd all have horrible tempers. I have put up with a lot of BS from my dh in the last 11 years and we have even been separated twice because of the temper crap. But in the last 11 years he has really done a world of improvements and is NOTHING like he used to be, even though he does still have the occasional problem. But SS and SD apparently didn't see the changes my husband made and have chosen instead to adopt his poor temper traits. In the last 2 months, sd and I have been through several arguments, mostly through messages, where she has been completely rude, selfish, degrading, disrespectful... she's called me a bitch more than once, an asshole, and has said so many hurtful things to me... including asking me what exactly I did to "mother" her... take her to the doctor? Get her in trouble with her dad every chance I got? The last fight we had in person, I had a friend visiting from another state and my sd decided to show her butt in front of my friend. My friend was shocked by the lack of respect and the cruel things my sd said. That fight ended with me screaming like a raging lunatic telling her to get out of my house and she was no longer welcome here and telling her to take her dad and brother with her because I couldn't deal with the tempers any longer. I was so disappointed in my own reactions... that I allowed her to have such a hold over me that I could lose control like that. I decided that night that I was DONE with my sk's. I told my husband that I would not make him choose between me or his kids, but that neither of them were welcome in my home and I no longer want anything to do with them.

That happened a couple of weeks ago and I am finding that the more time that passes the more I wish I would have done this a couple of months ago before things got as bad as they did. My stepkids have NEVER seen their mother for what she really is... she still does drugs and drinks, she NEVER took care of her children even when she had them, she made promises she never kept, she was horrible to them. I never wanted to take her place, I just wanted it to be acknowledged that I did for them what their mother could/would not and be respected for that fact alone.

I have also said that I do not want my children to be around them either. My dd10 is a very affectionate kid with ss & sd. SS always pushes her away and tells her to leave him alone. SD always calls all of the other kids names like "stupid", "crazy", "dumb", etc. I decided that I have had enough of the negativity and until the 2 of them grow up I do not want them anywhere near any of us. DH goes to SD's apartment to see her and the grandson. I have disengaged from ALL of them. It's been painful to not be able to see the grandson, but I know it is the only way that I can truly disengage and not have to deal with being treated like crap.

As for the other grandson (ss's baby), SS hasn't seen him in about 2 months. It started out where baby mama wouldn't allow him to see the baby, but it was basically that ss didn't want to get his crap together to do what needed to be done to be a father so they broke up. Since then, ss has resorted to threats and darn near stalking this poor girl to try and control her and get his way. DH and I have talked to baby mama and she is now allowing us to see the baby when we can work it out, so at least I haven't lost both grandchildren I guess. But I know that biologically these are not my grandchildren and they can be taken from me at any time so I have a bit of a wall up there.

But the whole situation is a huge mess and it has darn near broke up our marriage. I am at this point right now where I do not know what will happen from here as far as my marriage is concerned. All I do know is that I will not allow ANYONE to disrespect me like this ever again and DH is the one that has to deal with the fact that his children's tempers are a result of what they have seen in him and in their BM. I could have done all of the best things in the world for them and it never would have made a difference or mattered at all. So now I have put my own children back in the number 1 position where they should have been all along and my life is at peace without all of the drama... and I like it this way. Maybe it's wrong of me to feel this way, but I am a better mother to my own children without dealing with all of the BS.