My Story,

Well first off here's some background. I'm 23 years old, expecting my first child in July. My mother is still married to my father. I have a 22 year old brother. I had a good childhood. Not perfect but good. I still talk to my mom everyday and I make a point of talking to my dad at least once a week. Me and my brother are not really close, but I love him dearly.
My fiance is 23 years old. He is expecting his second child in July. His father is currently dating a woman who seems like a brainwashing demon from hell. His mother died in 2006 before his daughter was born. He has an older brother, who is going to be the godfather of our child, who is married to a wonderful girl our age. He also has an older sister who is a bit of a drama queen.

So our story...

Me and FH met in highschool. Ummm 1999... He was a bit of a loner and we didn't really become friends until grade 12 (2004) and did not date untill May 2005. He really is the most amazing, caring, and funny man I have even known. I feel in love with him instantly! He was 19 and I was 18 (he's 7 months older then me). His older brother was in New Zealand and his older sister was in China. They had finished school and decided to travel, something their father put alot of emphasis on. FHs plan was to save money for another year then go to Austrailia. We both knew this, but being young and dumb I pushed for a relationship because it "Is better to love and lost, then to have never loved before." We were inseperable. We spent a long weekend out of province with his best friend, and spent all of our time (when we were not working) together.

Well after the trip to visit his best friend, he started to distance himself. I knew it was coming and it killed me. One day (before a big town event) he told me that we should stop seeing eachother. He was afraid that he wouldn't leave like he was planning if we let our relationship develop. He went on a company camping trip and I went out to the big town event. I got completely loaded and hooked up with an ex.

Of course by the time he gets home all of "our" friends in the small town we're from were waiting to tell him what I had done. How evil of me... *eye roll* I was the one who was dumped, but I'm the bad guy?

So we were both emotional wrecks... by the end of the week we decided we did not want to be away from eachother. So we started dating agian. My shift got switched at work and I found myself working weekends. This became a problem. Our bestfriend's little sister started calling me through the week. "Umm just thought you should know, Fh says you guys aren't really dating and that he just felt bad for you" So I freaked out and told him not to go near her!!! I knew what she was doing! Yea 16 year olds know how to get what they want, and she wanted him. But after a month of me wanting to know who he was with on the weekends, he had enough and broke it off again.

Two weeks later I heard that he was sleeping with the little sister.

A month later Fh's best friend (who was visiting for XMas) came up to me in the bar and told me Fh had gotten the sister pregnant! I laughed in his face and said "So much for Austrailia eh?" He looked at me like I was evil and walked away. I was SOO hurt. I sunk into a deep depression and didn't pull out of it. I entered into a relationship and just kinda settled.

Well in October 2007 I lost my job and my SO at the same time. I ended up having to claim bankruptcy to cover the bills from a house and business we bought together. I sunk even further into my depression. Drinking every weekend with a new guy. I'm not proud of it. It was very destructive behavior.

However in 2006 I had got back in contact with the Cadet Organization in my town. By Feb 2008 I was a member of the Cadet Instructors Cadre. May 2008 I went for my Basic Officer Qualification course. I think it saved my life. I worked hard and got good marks (its only a two week course) but having peers tell me that I can make a difference changed me. I applied for the next course and summer employment. June-Aug 2008 I was employed as an Officer at a Summer Training Center.

Meanwhile...

New Years Day (Jan 1 2008) Fh broke it off with bm. He was sick of her never being home and always partying. He had taken Pat leave from work to stay home with the kid so she could finish highschool. She failed, but her parents bought her an expensive grad dress so she could attend the ceremonies with her friends. We started talking again (me and Fh)

So during the summer I was employed and doing some serious soul searching, me and fh talked everyday on the computer. He picked me up Aug 2008 from the airport with his daughter (who he saw every weekend at this time), and we pretty much moved in together.

Sept 2008 fh and bm had a family case conference and it was decided that they would have week-by-week access. Fh's sister (who had come home with her own son from a man who has nothing to do with her anymore) watched Sd while Fh worked. We didn't want the extra pressures of his past pushing on us as a couple untill we were sure of ourselves, so I was not the one watching his daughter. His sister got paid $350 a month for the two weeks (10 days) she would watch Sd. In Oct we started renting a house together. A bunch of stuff turned up on the internet about Bm and some almost pornographic pics of Sd. Fh decided to go for custody.

We were engaged in May 2009, Fh says that us working together on the court stuff ect showed him how much he cared about me and I him. I started watching Sd full time, when we had her. She was like a daughter to me, and I was like a mom to her. I did everything a mom would do. I organized preschool for her and playdates with other kids. I taught her how to recognize some letters and numbers, and a bunch of other things moms do. She was my best friend, my companion, and honestly my reason to get up in the morning.

Listening to FILs grilfriend (who is a hypnotherapist, with a back ground in socail work) we decided against a lawyer. So even though it was documented that BM had moved away leaving Sd with her parents, she won the trial in Oct, not receiving sole custody, but being awarded primary residency so she could take Sd anywhere. She moved her daughter in with her and her boyfriend in another province. We were to expect visitation on holidays and/or long weekends if it was agreed upon by BM.

I found out I was pregnant with the child me and fh were trying for, in Nov. I must have concieved two weeks or so after the trial.

So in Nov (before I found out), FIL's girl friend calls me up and asks me to fax the court papers to a lawyer in the next town over. FIL wants to go for visitation of Sd. They had already started alot of little fights in the family before this. My mom is on painkillers for her back and at the time of the trial she changed meds, on the advice of her doctor. She ended up in the hospital going through a Toxic Shock similar to ODing. Fil's girlfriend told the whole family that my mom was a drug user and should not be trusted. My mom was really sick, she almost died, and this is the shit being said about her?

So back to visitation. I let the answering machine pick up the call, then call fh at work to let him know what his dad is trying to do. Fh is pissed. Fil never had anything to do with Sd unless it was on his terms, like we drove her down to his girlfriend's house in the next town over. So now FIL wants to get a lawyer and fight Bm for visitation??? WTF! Fh freaked on FIL. Alot was said and my original engagement ring (which was fh's mothers) was taken back from me. We have not talked to them since.

So we pick Sd up in Dec for our Xmas visit, and later that night BM calls to tell us shes moving back to our hometown to live with her parents. "So can we go back to the 50/50 access we had before?" She asked. I was over the moon excited. We went to talk to a lawyer to see if we could have the last ruling over thrown. He suggested we get bm to agree to 50/50 on a court document and then if she tried to move again we would have reason to take her back to court.

So in the two weeks we had Sd for xmas, bm changes her mind. We can have sd every once in awhile, when she agrees to it. So we ask for every weekend, she says no. I was terribly sick with morning sickness at this time. She'd call us up and expect us to take sd for a work week so she could visit her new boyfriend in another town. I would freak and say Hell no! That would be me watching sd, who can no longer dress herself, use the potty or pick up her own toys. Things she did with us on a regular basis before the access changed. I really did not like the child anymore. She speaks back, she whines all the time, she talks baby talk, and she just plain ignores me.

So finally, two months later, she has decided fh can have every other weekend with her. I can no longer be the person I was with SD. I am too hurt, and resentful, for the things that we have been through. So me and fh re evaluated my role in her life. I'm going to be more of dad's support, then a mom. Which is fine with me but I really wish things did not have to go this way.

There is alot more to this (obviously) but its a simple version of what happened when.