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the_stepmonster's picture

We unexpectedly took custody of SD11 on Friday because the Lunatic decided she wanted to fulfill her dream of being a hostess at a strip club without any regard as to who will be looking after her child at night. Also when I say "we unexpectedly took custody" that means my husband unilaterally called his ex and said "Hey since you have this new job, why don't I just take her" and she agreed and I found out afterward.

My baby shower was this weekend but I will write about that later.

I told my husband that we needed to set some ground rules. Tomorrow is her first day at her new school and so we discussed a 9pm bedtime. Ever since he picked her up on Friday he has turned up the guilty daddy act, letting her stay up all night, letting her camp out in the living room instead of sleeping in her bed, telling me he is busy and then taking her out for lunch, on and on and on. So tonight, after she played around with her dinner for an hour because heaven forbid we serve her baked chicken with broccoli and cheese vs the pringles her mother would feed her for dinner, he told her she could watch a movie. I kindly reminded him that it was 8:45 and she needed to shower. So he sends her to shower and at 9:30pm they plop down on the couch and start watching a movie together. He and I got into a huge argument about it and I left the house. Its a good thing I am pregnant because my first thought was to go to a bar. But since I am I went to the office. Which means that at 10pm on a Monday night I would rather be in the office than in my own home. Which makes me think that I don't think I can do this. If I can't handle one how am I going to handle the other 2 when they move in after the school year? To make matters worse, here I am. Eight months pregnant. I left the house without saying where I was going or when I would be back and he hasn't even called or texted to see where I went. Is this my life from now on?

Comments

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

sad to say, probably. unless u can have a heart to heart with him and explain to him that since u are a couple (and he probably is expecting u to help with HIS child) u both need to compromise on rules and such. if after the talk he continues his guilty-daddy shit, then reconsider ur relationship cause things will get bad---and quickly.

is the child bad?

the_stepmonster's picture

She's not bad but she knows how to manipulate him. Her mother is the worst so I feel bad for her, but she went from begging my husband to purchase garbage bags and laundry detergent for her mother's house because her mother wouldn't buy any, to asking for $8 bottles of fresh squeezed orange juice and telling (not asking) him to wash her clothes for school in the matter of one weekend. And of course he complies because he doesn't realize she is testing him and he is failing miserably. I'm so tired of having heart-to-heart's with him. I miss my husband. I have zero respect for this chump he has turned into overnight.

Doubletakex3's picture

I'm not one to auto respond with suggestion for counseling but it seems like you two need a change of course and quick. If heart to hearts haven't worked, perhaps intervention by a reasonable professional may help him see what his actions are foreshadowing....the demise of his marriage and single parenthood. It sounds like he needs to learn how to become a responsible parent and overcome his comflicting feelings/needs (guilt, be a buddy / cool dad, whatever). Speaking from experience, rarely will the hubby take lessons from the wife / SM in that regard.

Without a drastic and rapid change of course this will become your daily existence. It needs to be addressed before the routines are formed. And before he realizes he can get away with it because you'll 'get over it.'.

{{{HUGS}}}

the_stepmonster's picture

We happened to have the papers ready to go since our plan was to take custody of all of them after the school year, so she signed the custody modification on Friday and we submitted it to his lawyer to get filed today. Her mom hasn't even called to check on her and discharged her from the school without us even asking her to. I think it's safe to say she is done.