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Went to a movie (ME, SD12, SD8,SS10, FDH)

theoutsider's picture

Submitted by theoutsider on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 6:02pm

SO we went to a movie today, (FDH and I both took the day off to have a long weekend)

And the line up at the theater (FDH, SS10, SD8, SD12, ME)

Then FDH tried to reach over all the kids to hold my hand over their heads.
I ignored him, then SD12 said "Dad is trying to hold your hand"
I responded, "If Dad had sat next to me he could have held my hand."

Then a man sits right in front of SD8, and she moves on the other side of FDH,... so now (ME, SD12, SPACE, SS10, FDH, SD8)
Then SD12 moves over a seat ( ME, SPACE, SD12, SS10, FDH, SD8)
They all look at me. "I'm not moving, I can see the picture just fine from here."

We all watch the movie like I am completely separate from them,.... argh,.......

Comments

wicked_by_proxy's picture

Submitted by wicked_by_proxy on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 6:12pm

I know you were trying to prove a point, but you are the only one that ended up frustrated...trust me, nothing pleasant about passive aggressiveness...my advice, since you posted this, is to make sure you get what you want from situations like this...you on one side of DH and kids on the other. You did not post that you tried to do this or why you sat on the end, so I could just be typing smack. My point is that your happiness is important too, and you should make it happen....hugs to you, as I too have been in that lonely seat on the end....

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 6:44pm

I would call that a good night. I would get to eat all the popcorn for myself!

Lemonade and lemons sweetie. The next time tell him beforehand you would like to sit next to him. Men cannot read minds. My DH had to tell me this 1000 times.

justbreathe26's picture

Submitted by justbreathe26 on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 6:52pm

I have to say I agree with this. My bf use to be clueless too that I liked to have some affection even if it was as little as holding my hand in the movie theater or simply sitting next to him. Until I told him so. I use to get upset and play to victim card until I realized that 1-he is not a mind reader and 2 he is a man and they are simply at times very dense. Be up front and ask him before hand that It would be nice if you could sit next to him during the movie or even hold hand walking in the parking lot. Turn into a positive. Best of luck!

BelleTolls's picture

Submitted by BelleTolls on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 6:53pm

I don't know a whole lot of your back story, but I can understand this from the earlier years of my marriage to DH. My advice would be to make sure he knows you want to sit with him (repeating the "men aren't mind readers" mantra). I too like being close to my DH during a movie but I never count on sitting next to him if both skids are coming. But I don't care anymore. Sometimes nowadays we sit skid/adult/skid/adult but that's because I will steal candy from both skids and my SS and I can eat more popcorn in two hours than should be legally allowed Smile

theoutsider's picture

Submitted by theoutsider on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 7:26pm

I must be edgy because of how I feel so about waiting for the official proposal... Like my post in general discussion

BelleTolls's picture

Submitted by BelleTolls on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 7:31pm

I just read that.

Eek. Maybe he's the kind of guy who needs to be really hit upside the head before a message gets across.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 7:43pm

Hard!!!! Lol. With a bag of twizzlers then she gets to eat them all at the movies w no sharing!!! Wink

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 7:41pm

I know where you're coming from because I am passive aggressive a lot too. I am becoming more outspoken lately and getting what I want but I have to remember always that I am the adult here in this home and along with DH a team player for parenting and running this household, so move over sonny b/c my place is beside my husband and pass me the popcorn please!! lol When I act more like that adult my DH smiles and leans over and says "Look who's grown a set of balls" and I say "no look who's finally showing that a vajayjay is a lot tougher then ya think". Ha!

BelleTolls's picture

Submitted by BelleTolls on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 7:55pm

When I was newer at this and thought I was feeling crazy about things that were NOT right, I did the passive-aggressive things too, not really knowing how to communicate with him.

As corny as it sounds, once I tried saying things like "When this happens, I feel XYZ and I don't want to feel this way, can you help me?" I found I got a LOT less resistance since I wasn't coming at him like some pent-up Tazmanian devil.

But sometimes, he still needs to be beaten over the head with a concept. As long as he KNOWS I say what I say in the GENUINE spirit of trying to make things better/right, I think he is more open to respecting my viewpoints, or at the least -- LISTENING to me.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 8:42pm

When we'd all go somewhere (Me, DH, his two kids, my two kids) DH would end up getting flanked by his two kids because there was no WAY they would permit the two of us sitting together. I'm not kidding you, we'd go to sit down and they would literally glue themselves to him. It was pathetic really (they were early teens).

DH would ask me a question across 4 kids... I'd reply back with the (Ronald Reagan) hand to ear "I can't hear you!!" smile.

THAT got the point across after a while.

theoutsider's picture

Submitted by theoutsider on Sat, 07/06/2013 - 11:06am

Thank you, this is exactly how I feel!

"It's not the placement, it's the un-voiced signals that have been sent out for so long that you receive
them like a laser to the heart. Burns and stings. All the time! "

Exactly! There are so many little thins that cut right to me...