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The topic of disengaging...

thelaststraw's picture

Submitted by thelaststraw on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 11:21am

So I dropped the bomb on DW the other night. I told her that my "Ben Kenobi" style of counseling SS13 doesn't change his behavior. No punishment that she's been willing to dish out changes behavior. Yelling at him doesn't change his behavior. There have been times that I've wanted to haul off and pound on him, but I don't hit - yet. So I told her that if he doesn't comply and won't take my guidance, I'm not going to be counseling him anymore. I'm not even going to try to provide helpful guidance.

Her response was to get pissed at me and thank me for dropping him in her lap. Now this was a couple of nights ago and I'm not a fan of just "restarting" a fight. But I ask - am I out of bounds? I'm kind of ticked that a problem she and her ex created is now my emergency, at least according to her.

Comments

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 11:27am

He is HER kid. Einstein there makes no sense. Dropping her own kid in her lap? Selfish much? No you aren't wrong, but from experience it isnt always a good thing to tell that you are disengaging.

Ommy's picture

Submitted by Ommy on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 11:40am

It is HER kid. She has to step up it is not YOUR Child. YOU HAVE NO LEGAL RIGHTS to the child so why is he YOUR problem.

I disengaged. It has saved me.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 11:50am

Her response was to get pissed at me and thank me for dropping him in her lap
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OMG…She really said that? How did you keep a straight face?! I would have LOL’s out loud and told her that her and her EX were there for the conception so they are the ones responsible!! What did you say when she said that?

When I told DH that I would never be engaged as a s-parent….I made it sound like it was all for our relationship sake. And it was. It was the best decision I ever made and I made that VERY early in the relationship.

thelaststraw's picture

Submitted by thelaststraw on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 12:04pm

I didn't address the "dropping him in my lap" comment right off, thus my statement of not being a fan of restarting fights. I will address it when it comes up, and it will come up.

I did however ask her how she can be pissed at me when I've done everything I can do, which, from what I've read here, is above and beyond what some step-fathers will do. She had nothing to say in response. Typical. Her ex is not in the picture, so there's nothing to be gained there.

thelaststraw's picture

Submitted by thelaststraw on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 12:22pm

HA! I've only compared myself to Superman, not Jesus. And yes, I have a healthy ego...

Regarding crucifixion - I don't see it happening. I can play or not play the game.