Hi. New poster but long time lurker and SM. I've found so much consolation reading about everyone's experiences and realising that its not just me.

Many years ago when I met my DH he told me about his 3 boys (now OSS23, MSS21, YSS19) and the Friday night to Saturday night visitations. I thought, like many of us do, “how bad can it be?”.
Being a COD I applied the behaviours I would have wanted from my SM to my relationship with the Skids - left lots of Dad & Son time (no skin off my nose as more to do fun stuff with my friends), kept my own apartment in town where we lived in the working week and spent the weekend at his place nearer the skids suburb, disengaged in a polite way from the start (only offered advice when specifically asked for it, no laundry because Dad, just cook one meal and go to Dad for anything else).

4 years ago we got married and 2 years ago when the YSS was 17 we finally sold the two separate homes and bought somewhere together as DH figured that the Skids had aged out of wanting to spend Friday night with dear old dad.

Fast forward 2 years and we are living in an Eastenders episode (gritty UK soap opera about people living in the east end of London). YSS lives with us. While he is generally polite (all of them are) and works full time, there are major issues. His health isn’t good (epilepsy, mental health, etc). There are huge problems between him and OSS (the kind the police get involved with). His relationship with BM is non-existent as she blames him for all the problems. My DH has realised that she has completely screwed up her 3 sons’ lives which makes him really upset.

Toward the end of 2014, DH went to wake YSS for work and discovered that he’d taken 3 months worth of epilepsy medicine to try to kill himself. Luckily, he wasn’t successful but he was rushed to hospital. I didn’t go as BM was due on the scene. She tried to have him sectioned in a locked down mental health hospital. DH argued that YSS psychologist needed to be involved in the decision but MOTY was all for pulling a “One flew over the cuckoo’s nest” on her son. The arguments went on all day with her saying that all the problems were caused by YSS and that he must be insane because she had given him the perfect upbringing (I could do a whole blog on her parenting skills or lack thereof). At about midnight they decided to release him into his dad’s care on the proviso that he continue to work with his psychologist.

Yesterday, when I got home from work, DH told me YSS was despondent again. Today he has been to see his doctor who has managed to get him an appointment to see a mental health specialist tomorrow. For anyone here who doesn’t know the UK National Health Service this is really unusual and not necessarily good news. The last time he had a crisis they told us the waiting list was 6 months so we paid for private sessions. The fast turnaround implies that this is really serious.

I like YSS and love DH but I find myself day dreaming about my old life constantly. I check out apartments on the internet and fantasise about moving out. I never wanted to have bio-kids and stuck to this decision but now have “inherited” one.