So, he thinks he can give you the silent treatment for two days and then just go back to being a loving husband and act like nothing happened?

You have a full week-end to do your notes , do it... leave DH alone with the kids.

He's jealous that's all and I bet ya BM cheated on him, now he thinks you will as well, I've been through this lol..bash it into his head, you are not BM but if he keeps this accusations up you might as well do...

I can see your Monday hon, comes Monday DH does not want to talk cause then it's all forgotten and you will be accused over over reacting,
deal with it now....

Yep, living with an abusive man is like riding a roller coaster. Let us know when you're ready to get off the ride.

Just as a little test.. find something to do with family and friends on one of the days that your Skids will be here this coming weekend...or even go do something by yourself. Go to an art museum... go browse the craft store (pretty much anywhere that your DH and kids would find achingly booooring).

If your DH says anything tell him "I want you to have quality time with your kids.. that's why they come for visitation.... I have been dying to do X and this is a good time.. while you are busy with the kids. I will see you for dinner.. hope you fix something good!"

Today is Thursday. Why do you all have to wait for 4 days? Because by then, you will be over it and it won't have the same impact.

No reason the talk can't happen before the skids come, or is he worried that you won't help with his kids?

How long have you been married again?

He seemed to react a little too strongly to the incident in your last post...is he perhaps now overcompensating by acting as if nothing happened because he's embarrassed?

Whenever I'm upset about something, DH loves to tell me that we need to "talk it out", but when he's upset or our topic of conversation makes him feel uncomfortable (i.e. if it has anything to do with his kids), he basically shuts it down and acts as if we have nothing to talk about.

I agree with the suggestions above that you should find things for yourself to do while your Skids are around.

IMHO, he wants to wait until after the skids leave to give YOU more time to 'cool down' in the hope that YOU will also get over it. He's trying to avoid the conversation thinking it will all just 'go away'. NOT talking about it builds resentment which can cause a blowup somewhere down the line over some trivial.

You now have time to make some notes for your conversation. Leave out the emotion and stick to the point(s).

I also think you should find some things to do away from the house this weekend. Not necessarily the entire weekend, but definitely get out for a few hours; either with a friend or two or just to pamper yourself (mani/pedi, window shopping, leisurely visit to a coffee place to read a book for an hour or 3...).

Before we had any kind of airing of grievances my brain had worked it out that we would not have these discussions while skids were with us.
I can't say for certain what drove that initial thought but I think it was a bit of confusion and projection about defensiveness and respect.

The first time I brought up a concern and suggested a time to discuss (2 days later) SO was flabbergasted. He did not want to wait. He didn't want time to pass and for me to either a) rationalize and normalize my concern or b) quietly rage and allow it to fester into something disasterous.

Our conversations, even when there is a stark disconnect in views or a passionate disagreement, are respectful and at a normal volume. This means our normal evening adult time after skids are out cold is an acceptable time to talk. And so that's exactly what we did. And what we continue to do when the need arises.

I'm confused by the need to put the talk off so long that you go from no skids to skids to no skids again before the conversation can take place. That's an avoidance tactic, not some kind of protection or sheltering for the skids.

Insist on having the conversation. At the very least, start the conversation to lay ground rules about these discussions.

From here it just looks like your H has grounded himself from the last incident and is starting with the manipulation and abuse with the least effort/severity. Expect it to escalate when his attempts to shut you down don't work.

Whether his abuse is a conscious decision with malicious intent or just a case of doing as he's always done doesn't really matter. It's not a healthy situation for anybody involved and it needs to be addressed.

It is vital and at least one of you needs to treat it as such. If you wait for what you think is the perfect time that time will never come, there will always be an excuse.

I actually may be in a minority here but I actually think you need "less" discussion with your DH about all of this.

I don't know if there is any way possible for you to explain your need to get a break from his kids without making it seem like you are picking on them or just putting them down. All that does is make your husband resentful and angry at you. The words "take a break" also evoke the meaning that you are taking a break from your relationship with him which means you want to date other people.. again not what you mean.. but I'm not sure if you truly can get him to understand your viewpoint.

It's like when people say they told their spouse they are going to "disengage" and the spouse gets angry. They always will. Telling them that you are disengaging from the kids means that you are telling them their kids are a problem.. flawed.. what parent wants to hear that? (not saying it isn't true.. just not a popular topic)

I would suggest actions vs words. Just proceed forward with plans to spend some of your time outside the home without your DH and kids. It should be for a reasonably good reason. Oh.. honey, I have plans to get my hair done and then my nails.. I will be gone all saturday afternoon. Or.. Sis has been dying to go see the latest X movie and I promised I would go with her this saturday night since I knew you would be busy with the boys. Mom said she needed help canning this weekend so I will be peeling tomatoes with her. Annie needs me to help her shop for a dress for her winter formal.

Don't announce "DISENGAGEMENT".. just matter of factly and offhandedly tell him you made some minor plans for the weekend and he will have lots of time to do fun stuff with his boys on his own.

All the blow up and everything he gave you last was most likely a response to your hurting HIM (not right.. but that's what it was.. hurt little boy talk) by telling him you were exiting the family...

Next week if he brings it up.. just say.. Oh.. you just misunderstood what I said. I just meant I have been meaning to get to some things and thought that the weekends you have your boys would be good so that you can concentrate more on them.. since you have so little time to spend with them... sorry.. just crossed wires I guess.